We’ve all got that one person in our lives who seems to make everything more difficult. You know, the kind of person who sucks the energy and joy out of every room they enter. The perpetual pessimist The constant complainer The drama queen or king We call these people “burden people”—not because they themselves are burdens, but because being around them can often feel burdensome. They require extra patience, empathy, compassion, and emotional labor. While we may care deeply about our burdensome person, spending prolonged time with them can be taxing and leave us feeling drained.
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What is a Burden Person
We’ve all dealt with burdensome people at some point—you know, the ones who sap your energy and seem to make life harder rather than easier. But what exactly is a burden? To put it simply, a burden person is someone whose own problems, needs, and demands weigh heavily on those around them. They require an inordinate amount of support, time, and resources to deal with life’s challenges in a way that becomes draining for others. Some common traits that burden people include:
- They are often selfish and self-centered. Their needs come before anyone else’s.
- They frequently play the victim. Nothing is ever their fault, and the world is out to get them.
- They always have some kind of crisis going on. There’s constant drama, and their problems never seem to get resolved.
- They expect others to solve their problems for them. They want sympathy and handouts rather than finding their own solutions.
- They sap your emotional energy. Interacting with them leaves you feeling tired, anxious, and depleted.
Of course, we all need support from others at times. The difference with burdening people is that they make extreme demands on your time and resources on an ongoing basis. They look to you to make them happy and fix their lives for them, rather than taking responsibility for their own well-being. The bottom line? While it’s compassionate to help others in need, you have to set boundaries that burden people, or their problems can quickly become your own. Learn when to say “no” and make sure to take care of yourself first. Your sanity will thank you!
Common Characteristics of a Burden Person
We’ve all encountered them at some point—the burden person. You know, the friend or family member who constantly complains and drains you emotionally. As much as we care about them, their negativity and pessimism can really weigh us down if we’re not careful.
Burden people often:
- Make everything about them. Conversations always revert back to them and their problems. They don’t seem interested in what’s going on in your life.
- Play the victim. Nothing is ever their fault, and the world is out to get them. They blame circumstances or other people for their troubles instead of taking responsibility.
- Dismiss solutions. No matter how many practical solutions you offer to help improve their situation, they shoot them down. They seem more interested in complaining than actually solving anything.
- Lack self-awareness. Burdening people typically don’t recognize the effect their words and behaviors have on others. They can’t see how their constant negativity impacts those close to them.
- Drain your energy. Spending time with a burdensome person leaves you feeling tired, pessimistic, and weighed down by their troubles. Their toxicity is emotionally and mentally exhausting.
- Rarely reciprocate support. While burdensome people demand a lot of time and support, they offer little in return. The relationship feels unbalanced and one-sided.
The only way to deal with a burdensome person in a healthy way is by establishing clear boundaries. Don’t let their negativity become your own. Offer empathy and support, but also limits. Remember that you can’t change them; you can only change your reaction to them. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who enrich your life rather than drain it.
Causes and contributing factors
As caregivers, we often encounter people who seem overly demanding or needy. These “burden people” can tax our patience and energy, leaving us feeling drained. What causes someone to become like this? There are several contributing factors.
1. Learned behavior
Some burdensome people have learned from an early age that the only way to get their needs met is by being overly demanding of others. They were taught, either directly or indirectly, that their needs should always come first. Unlearning this behavior and adopting a more balanced approach is challenging but possible with conscious effort and awareness.
2. Low self-esteem
Those with little self-worth often rely heavily on others to prop them up and meet their needs. They have a hard time doing things for themselves and constantly seek validation and support. Building self-confidence and learning self-care techniques can help address this root cause.
Do you feel like you are suffering from low self-esteem too. Let us help you
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3. Lack of boundaries
Burdening people frequently have poor boundaries and don’t understand appropriate limits. They feel entitled to other people’s time and resources without consideration of that person’s needs or limits. Learning to set healthy boundaries, both with themselves and others, is key. This includes learning to say “no” and not feel guilty about it.
4. Unmet needs
In some cases, the burden person has significant unmet needs, whether emotional, physical, or financial, that they are unable to fulfill on their own. They turn to others as a last resort to have these needs met, often in unhealthy ways. Connecting them with resources to help address these unmet needs can help alleviate the burden on caregivers over time.
While burdening people can be challenging, approaching them with compassion and understanding will make providing care easier. Helping to uncover the root causes of their behavior and supporting them in making positive changes will benefit both you and them. With patience and the right resources, burdensome people can become more self-sufficient and less demanding.
Effects of Being Around a Burdening Person
Being around a burdensome person can take a major toll on you in many ways. My partner and I have a friend who is constantly negative and drains our energy whenever we’re together. We’ve come to realize some of the effects that spending time with this person has on us.
1. Emotional Drain
After hanging out with our friend, we feel emotionally drained and exhausted. Their pessimism and constant complaints zap our motivation and optimism. We find ourselves making excuses to avoid seeing them because we know we’ll leave feeling depleted. It’s difficult to stay positive when someone is constantly dumping their negativity on you.
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2. Feelings of guilt
We often feel guilty for wanting to avoid this friend. Even though we know they drain us, we feel bad for not wanting to be there for them. It’s a frustrating inner conflict, and the guilt lingers even after we do see them. We need to remember that it’s okay to set boundaries to protect our own well-being.
3. Anxiety and stress
Interacting with this burdensome person causes a lot of anxiety and stress. We worry about what new problems or pessimistic views they’ll share each time we meet. Their constant negativity has conditioned us to feel stressed just thinking about being around them. We know we should minimize contact with people who repeatedly cause us angst.
4. Helplessness
Our friend frequently vents to us about their problems but then shoots down any advice or solutions we offer. We feel helpless to actually improve their situation or mood. This cycle of complaining without willingness to change breeds resentment over time. We’ve accepted that we can’t fix them or make them see the positives.
The effects of spending time with a burdensome person are significant. Recognizing these impacts on your well-being is important so you can establish boundaries to protect your own mental and emotional health. Don’t feel guilty for needing to limit interactions with people who constantly drain and distress you. Your happiness and inner peace matter too.
Setting Boundaries with a Burden Person
As burdened friends or family members, it’s important we establish clear boundaries to protect our own wellbeing. Here are some tips to help set limits with a burdensome person:
1. Communicate your needs.
Politely but firmly tell the burden person how their behavior makes you feel and what you need to change. For example, say something like, “I care about you, but your constant negativity is difficult for me to handle. I need more positive interactions.” Be honest yet compassionate.
2. Limit contact
Don’t always be available when the burdensome person wants to talk or get together. It’s OK to say no; you have other plans or commitments. Limit phone calls, texts, and in-person meetups to a frequency you can handle without feeling drained or annoyed.
3. Don’t feel guilty.
It’s normal to feel bad about setting boundaries, but don’t let guilt stop you. Remember, you need to put your own mental health and happiness first. You can still support and care for the burdensome person, just in a more balanced and sustainable way.
4. Follow through
Once you establish your limits, stick to them. Be consistent and enforce your boundaries each and every time the burdensome person oversteps or manipulates you. Don’t engage or make exceptions, or your limits won’t be taken seriously. Stay calm and detached, and the burdensome person will eventually learn to respect your boundaries.
5. Seek counseling
If you continue struggling to set healthy limits, speaking to a counselor or therapist can help. They can give you tools and advice for coping with a burdensome person and overcoming guilt about self-care. Counseling may also benefit a burdensome person if they’re open to it.
Setting boundaries with a burdensome person isn’t easy, but it’s necessary for maintaining your own mental health and wellbeing. Be kind yet firm, communicate your needs, limit contact, overcome guilt, follow through, and seek help if needed. With time and practice, setting healthy limits can become second nature.
Coping Strategies for Dealing With a Burden Person
As burdens can significantly impact our lives, it’s important to develop coping strategies to deal with them. Here are some tips we’ve found helpful:
1. Set Boundaries
Be very clear and direct in communicating your boundaries to the burdensome person. Let them know their behavior is unacceptable and will not be tolerated. You may need to limit your contact with them if they continue to cross the line. Don’t engage in their dramatics or manipulation. Stay calm and consistent with your boundaries.
2. Don’t feel responsible for them.
Burdening people often try to make us feel like we’re responsible for their happiness, problems, or bad behavior. But we’re not. Their issues are not our fault or our responsibility to fix. We can offer support, but we can’t solve their problems for them. Learn to say “no” and don’t feel guilty about it.
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3. Self-care is essential.
Dealing with a burdensome person can be emotionally and mentally draining. Make sure to practice self-care. Engage in regular exercise, spend time with supportive friends and family, limit alcohol and caffeine intake, and try relaxation techniques like yoga or meditation. Taking good care of yourself will help you better cope with the burdensome person and not get dragged into their drama.
4. You can’t change them.
As much as we may want to, we can’t force a burdensome person to change their ways. We can only control how we respond to them. Don’t waste time and energy trying to change them. Accept them as they are or limit contact with them. Stay focused on the things you can influence rather than trying to change someone who doesn’t want to change.
While burdensome people can be difficult to deal with, using these coping strategies can help reduce their negative impact on your life. Remember that you deserve to be around people who treat you with kindness and respect. Don’t let anyone take advantage of your good nature or manipulate you for their benefit. Stand up for yourself and make self-care a priority.
Getting Support as the Caregiver of a Burden Person
As the caregiver of a burdensome person, it’s crucial that we seek out support. Caring for someone who requires constant attention and assistance can be both physically and emotionally taxing. We need help to avoid burnout and continue providing the best care possible.
1. Ask family and friends for help.
Don’t try to do it all yourself. Ask close ones if they can assist with tasks like meal prep, housekeeping, errands, or giving you time to rest. Even a few hours of reprieve can help recharge our batteries. Let others know specifically what would aid us, whether it’s mowing the lawn, walking the dog, or sitting with our loved one so we can nap. Most people want to help, but they just don’t know how.
Do you know how those all around you feel? Is there any idea what they are going through? Maybe that was there reason to become a burden, so let’s understand them.
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2. Join a caregiver support group.
Connecting with others in similar situations allows us to share advice, learn new tips, and find empathy. Look for in-person or online support groups in our area. Hearing others share their experiences helps us feel less alone and isolated. We can vent frustrations, ask questions, and make new friends.
3. See a counselor or therapist.
Speaking to a professional counselor who understands the unique stresses of caregiving provides an outlet to express our feelings in a judgment-free zone. A therapist can offer coping strategies tailored to our needs and check in on our mental health and well-being. Don’t dismiss this vital resource. Our ability to continue providing good care depends on maintaining our own health and stability.
4. Take occasional respite breaks.
While it may feel difficult, taking time for ourselves is necessary. Respite care provides temporary relief, allowing us to recharge by doing an enjoyable activity like seeing friends, exercising, gardening, or pursuing a hobby. In-home respite or adult daycare centers give our loved ones attention and social interaction in our absence. We return refreshed and better equipped to handle the ongoing demands of our role.
Caring for a burdensome person requires sacrifice, but we need not become sacrificial lambs. Using every resource available helps ensure we can provide the best long-term care without sacrificing our own well-being. Our loved one deserves nothing less.
When to Seek Professional Help for a Burdening Person
When caring for a burdensome person in your life, there may come a time when their needs become too great for you and your loved ones to properly handle on your own. As much as we want to help, we all have our limits. Seeking professional help does not mean you have failed or are giving up; rather, it shows how much you care by making sure the person’s needs are adequately met.
1. Health issues arise.
If the person’s physical or mental health starts to deteriorate, it’s critical to get them proper medical care as soon as possible. Don’t delay taking them to their doctor or an emergency room. A medical professional can properly assess the situation, run any necessary tests, and determine appropriate treatment and next steps. They may recommend temporary or long-term care solutions to ensure the person’s health and safety.
2. Daily needs become unmanageable.
When daily essentials like bathing, dressing, eating, or housekeeping become extremely difficult to keep up with, it’s time to consider in-home care or adult day care. Caring for someone with high daily needs can quickly become exhausting and unsustainable. Seeking help from a home health aide or personal care assistant a few hours a week or daily can provide relief and ensure a person’s basic needs are always met.
3. Safety risks increase.
If the person’s condition starts posing risks to themselves or others in the home, professional help is urgently needed. This could include situations like wandering, self-harm, violence, or leaving the stove on. Don’t delay in contacting emergency services, a doctor, or a crisis hotline for guidance and next steps to keep everyone safe. They may recommend temporary hospitalization or long-term care solutions.
4. Caregiver burnout sets in.
Caring for a burdensome person over an extended period of time can lead to severe stress, depression, health issues, and burnout in caregivers. If you find yourself increasingly irritable, hopeless, or unable to cope, seek help from a doctor or therapist. They can provide treatment and advice for you and also help determine alternative care solutions for the burdensome person so you can take a much-needed break to recharge. Your health and well-being are just as important, so you can continue providing the best care possible.
FAQ About Burden Persons
A “burden person” is someone who requires a lot of care, attention, or accommodation from others due to physical, mental, or emotional health issues. As caregivers, we do our best to support our loved ones without complaint, but it can still feel like a burden at times. Here are some frequently asked questions about caring for a burdensome person:
What makes someone a “burden”?
A person typically becomes a burden when their needs exceed our capacity or willingness to provide care. This could be due to a chronic illness, disability, addiction, or mental health condition that demands constant attention and support. The burden may be physical, emotional, financial, or some combination thereof.
How can I avoid resenting the burdensome person?
It’s normal to feel resentful at times, but the key is not to act on those feelings. Set clear boundaries to avoid burnout, take time for yourself, and ask others for help. Focus on the good times you share and the reasons why you care for this person. Compassion and empathy can help overcome resentment.
What resources are available for caregivers?
There are many resources for caregivers to help ease the burden. Ask the person’s doctors about support groups, counseling services, and respite care options. Look into disability benefits, insurance coverage, and programs like Medicare. Don’t hesitate to tap into local charities, places of worship, and non-profit groups. They may offer things like meal delivery, transportation, housekeeping help, and financial assistance.
How do I convince the burdensome person to accept more help?
It can be difficult for the burdened person to accept outside help, as it may make them feel like a loss of independence or control. Express your care and concern for their wellbeing. Explain specifically how additional support will benefit them and allow you both to enjoy more quality time together. Start with just a little extra help and build up from there as they adjust. Compromise and patience are key.
While caring for a burdensome person is challenging, focusing on compassion and seeking outside support can help lighten the load. Every little bit of help makes a difference in providing the best care for your loved one.
Conclusion
So there you have it, our take on what qualifies as a burden person and why they can be so draining to be around. The truth is, we all have the capacity to be burdensome at times. The key is recognizing when we’re imposing on others and making the effort to lighten the load. And for those chronically burdensome people in our lives, the healthiest approach is usually to establish clear boundaries.
It’s not about cutting people out or being unkind, but about being honest with ourselves and others about what we can and can’t handle. Life is hard enough as it is, so do your part to make it a little lighter for those around you. And if you’re feeling weighed down by the burdensome people in your own life, know that it’s okay to speak up and make the changes you need to find more balance and joy.
References
- Why Talking About Our Problems Helps So Much (and How to Do It): There’s more to the age-old advice to just “talk it out” than there seems. Here’s some of the evidence that explains why it is so helpful. By Eric Ravenscraft from The New York Times
- Caregiver Burden: Caregiver burden can be defined as the strain or load borne by a person who cares for a chronically ill, disabled, or elderly family member (Stucki & Mulvey, 2000).From: International Review of Neurobiology, 2017
- Setting Emotional Boundaries: Stop Taking on Other People’s Feelings By Alana Mbanza
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