You wake up in the morning feeling centered and confident. There’s a quiet strength inside that remains unshakable, no matter what the day brings. You speak your truth without apology. You pursue your goals and dreams with determination. You handle difficulties, whether big or small, with grace and poise. This is the power of self-assurance.
How to be self-assured? Self-assurance comes from within. It’s not dependent on what others say or think about you. You know yourself, accept yourself, and believe in yourself. You have a vision for your life that you are actively working to achieve every day. You learn from your mistakes and failures instead of being defined by them. You see opportunities and possibilities where others may see obstacles and limitations.
The journey to self-assurance may not always be easy, but it is so worthwhile. With self-assurance comes an inner calm and peace that makes you better able to enjoy life’s beauty, wonder, and adventures. You’re able to bring your best self to each encounter and experience. You have so much amazing potential within you, and self-assurance is what gives you the power to tap into that potential and share your gifts with the world.
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How to be Self-Assured
The solution to being self-assured is simple: you have to become confident in yourself. It doesn’t matter why you don’t feel confident or where your low self-esteem stems from. You have to snap out of that way of thinking because it’s doing nothing for you but holding you back. If there’s one change you can make in your life, it should be boosting your confidence.
You are your own validation. You are your own inspiration. Forget what anyone else says or how they make you feel. Find that inner strength and drive by loving yourself.
1. Know yourself.
To develop an unshakable sense of self-assurance, you must first know yourself inside and out.
- Identify your values and priorities in life. What matters to you? What are you passionate about? Understanding your core values gives you a solid inner compass to guide your decisions and actions.
- Recognize your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Make a list of everything you’re good at and all the things you’ve achieved in life, big and small. Be proud of them! These attributes make you uniquely you.
- Accept yourself, flaws and all. Learn to appreciate yourself for who you are instead of measuring your worth by what others think of you. You’re a perfectly imperfect human, just like the rest of us.
- Pursue your interests and do work you find meaningful. Engage in hobbies, activities, and a career path that motivates and inspires you. You’ll gain confidence by developing mastery and purpose.
- Don’t dwell on your weaknesses or past mistakes. While it’s important to acknowledge them, don’t beat yourself up over them. Everyone has room for improvement. Instead, focus on your strengths and the present moment.
Knowing yourself inside and out, valuing who you are, accepting yourself as you are, engaging in purposeful work, and not dwelling on weaknesses or past mistakes are the keys to bulletproof self-assurance. With self-knowledge and self-acceptance comes an inner confidence that remains unshaken in the face of life’s challenges and setbacks. You’ve got this!
2. Accept Yourself
Accepting yourself is one of the most powerful things you can do. When you embrace who you are, flaws, quirks, and all, you open yourself up to greater self-confidence and inner peace.
- Start by looking in the mirror and appreciating what you see. Notice your strengths, gifts, and positive qualities. Say them out loud! Speak kindly to yourself. You deserve it.
- Stop negative self-talk in its tracks. Notice when you criticize yourself and replace those thoughts with more constructive ones. Your internal voice has power, so make it work for you, not against you.
- Stop seeking perfection and embrace your imperfections. No one is perfect, so why hold yourself to an unrealistic standard? Learn to love your perceived flaws and imperfections. They make you human.
- Do things you’re good at and that you enjoy. Engage in hobbies, activities, and social interactions that highlight your talents and bring you joy. Make the most of what makes you you!
- Accept that you cannot control what others think of you. Their opinions say more about them, so focus on your self-perception. You know yourself best.
- Make self-care a top priority. Get enough sleep, eat healthy, and exercise. Your physical health impacts your self-image and confidence. Take good care of yourself; you deserve to feel good from the inside out!
Self-acceptance is a journey, not a destination. Be gentle with yourself and celebrate each step you take towards embracing who you are. You’ve got this; just remember to be your own best friend! Loving yourself will open you up to achieving great things.
3. Stop Seeking approval.
Stop seeking the approval of others and start appreciating yourself. When you rely on external validation, you give away your power and confidence. It’s time to realize that you are enough, just as you are.
- Have faith in your abilities and trust your instincts. You already have everything within you to succeed. Replace self-doubt with self-belief. Tell yourself you can do it, and you will achieve it. Your positive self-talk will strengthen your self-assurance.
- Stop worrying about what others think. The truth is, most people are too focused on themselves to judge you. Do not let the perceived opinions of others hold you back from going after what you want. Their approval or disapproval does not matter. Have confidence in yourself and your own decisions.
- Do not dwell on failures or imperfections. Everyone experiences setbacks, mistakes, and perceived flaws at some point. Do not let them undermine your self-worth. Learn from your failures and imperfections, then move on from them. Do not engage in negative self-talk or dwell on past regrets. Forgive yourself and practice self-compassion.
- Celebrate your wins, big and small. Do not dismiss your achievements, and be sure to reward yourself for milestones accomplished along the way. Take pride in your progress, and let your wins fuel your motivation and self-assurance. Give yourself credit where credit is due. You’ve earned it!
When you approve of yourself, you do not need the validation of others. Believe in who you are and what you are capable of achieving. Do not let self-doubt hold you back from your true potential. Have confidence in your abilities and continue moving forward. The more you practice self-assurance, the less you will seek the approval of others. You’ve got this! Now get out there and start achieving your goals.
4. Focus on Your Own Goals and journey.
When it comes to being confident, focusing on your own goals and journey is key. Don’t get distracted by what others are doing or strive to meet society’s expectations of who you “should” be.
Forget about keeping up with the Joneses! Their path isn’t meant for you. Instead, decide what YOU want out of life by identifying your core values, priorities, and dreams. Maybe you value lifelong learning, adventure, and making a difference. Or perhaps family, meaningful work, and financial security are most important to you. Whatever it is, make sure you’re living according to what matters in your heart.
When you have your eyes on your targets, the doubts and criticisms of others matter less. You’ll feel content and confident knowing you’re progressing in a direction that’s right for you. Stay dedicated and discipline yourself to make consistent progress each and every day. Start working on your goals little by little. Don’t be in a rush; slow and steady wins the race!
5. Celebrate milestones.
As you achieve objectives along the way, celebrate! Reward yourself for accomplishments both big and small. Did you finish an online course? Take a trip? Pay off some debt? Give yourself a pat on the back. You deserve it! Revel in these wins and use them as motivation to propel you forward to the next milestone.
When times get tough, look back at what you’ve already achieved. This will re-ignite your motivation and self-belief, helping you push through obstacles or setbacks. You’ve got this! Stay focused on your goals and keep putting one foot in front of the other. Persistence and determination will get you to the finish line.
Believe in yourself and stay dedicated to your personal growth. When you pursue goals that truly inspire you, there’s no limit to what you can accomplish! Keep your eyes on the prize and celebrate each milestone. Staying focused on your own journey is the key to developing unshakeable self-assurance from the inside out.
6. Do Not Take Things personally.
When you stop taking things personally, you gain quiet strength and self-assurance. This means not letting perceived slights, criticism, or judgment from others shake your confidence in yourself. Their actions say more about them than you.
Do not let the opinions of others define you.
You know your worth, values, and priorities. Do not hand over control of how you see yourself to people who do not know the real you. Their judgment calls are not the final verdict on who you are. Stay focused on your assessment of yourself.
Respond instead of reacting.
When faced with hurtful behavior or words, do not react impulsively. Take a few deep breaths and respond in a thoughtful, measured way. Reactance often escalates conflict, while a response allows you to de-escalate the situation and prevent taking the bait. Respond from your highest self.
7. Do not make other people’s problems your own.
You cannot control how other people act; you can only control your reaction. Do not take responsibility for their issues or shortcomings. Their behavior says more about them, so do not make their problems personal to you. Remove yourself from the drama and stay detached from their chaos.
Know that your self-worth comes from within.
True confidence comes from knowing your abilities, values, and priorities, not from what others say about you. Do not hand your power over to people who do not see your light. Their judgment does not define you. Connect to your inner strength and self-assurance, which are not easily shaken by external forces.
When you stop taking things personally, you free yourself from the control and influence of others. You gain inner confidence and poise that allow you to navigate life with more grace and ease. Stay focused on your journey; that is the surest path to quiet strength and self-assurance.
8. Practice Self-compassion.
Practicing self-compassion is one of the kindest things you can do for yourself. It means treating yourself with the same kindness and care you would show someone you care about. Self-compassion builds confidence from the inside out and helps silence that critical inner voice we all have.
When you start to doubt yourself or feel like you’ve failed in some way, show yourself compassion. Speak to yourself with encouragement and praise, just like you would a close friend. Say things like:
- You’re learning and growing. Mistakes are part of life.
- You’re doing great. Look how far you’ve come!
- Everyone struggles at times. Be gentle with yourself.
Avoid harsh self-criticism and negative self-talk. Replace phrases like “I’m so stupid” with “I’m still learning.” Your worth isn’t defined by any one moment. You are imperfectly perfect, just like all humans.
Remember your shared humanity. When you start comparing yourself to others in an unhelpful way, remember that everyone experiences moments of weakness, doubt, and imperfection. No one has it all together all the time. We’re all in this together.
Be flexible in your thinking. Learn to accept yourself as you are, flaws and all, instead of how you think you should be. Who you are is enough. Practice mindfulness to avoid rigid thinking and open yourself up to self-acceptance. Be your own biggest cheerleader!
Overall, make the choice each day to be gentle with yourself. Speaking with compassion and encouragement will do so much to boost your confidence and self-belief from within. You’ve got this! Now go out there and shine.
9. Do Not Let Self-Doubt Hold You back.
Self-doubt is the enemy of progress. When those nagging doubts start creeping into your mind, don’t let them hold you back from going after what you want.
You’ve got this! Believe in yourself and your abilities. Think of your past successes and accomplishments—all the times you’ve overcome obstacles through hard work and perseverance. You have so much talent and potential. Now is the time to tap into that inner strength and confidence.
Do not dwell on perceived imperfections or failures. Everyone experiences setbacks and makes mistakes. Learn from them, and then shift your mindset to growth and progress. Focus on your strengths, skills, and goals. Picture yourself achieving what you set your mind to. With practice, self-confidence becomes a habit.
Do not be deterred by the skepticism or criticism of others. While their input may be well-intentioned, you know yourself best. Follow your instincts and forge ahead with your plans. Surround yourself with a strong support system of people who share your goals and cheer you on. Their positivity can help drown out the naysayers.
You have a gift to share with the world. Believe in your abilities, face each obstacle with determination, and do not let self-doubt stand in the way of your progress. The key to success is maintaining unshakeable faith in yourself. You’ve got this! Now go show everyone what you’re made of.
10. Build Your Competence and Skills.
To build your competence and skills, take action and get to work! The more you practice, the more confident you’ll become.
Seek out challenges.
Look for opportunities to push yourself outside your comfort zone. Take on new projects at work, pick up a hobby you’ve always wanted to try, or learn to cook a new cuisine. Meeting challenges and achieving goals, big or small, builds confidence from the inside out.
Continuously learn and improve.
Take a class on a topic you’re passionate about. Read books by experts in your field. Follow industry leaders on social media. Staying up-to-date with trends and best practices will make you a more valuable contributor at work and in life. Knowledge is power, so empower yourself!
Develop key skills.
Identify abilities that will serve you well no matter what life brings—things like communication, critical thinking, and problem-solving. Look for ways to strengthen these skills through practice and application. For example, join a local Toastmasters group to improve your public speaking or take an online course in deductive reasoning. Having a solid skill set to fall back on will boost your confidence in any situation.
11. Celebrate wins, big and small.
Don’t downplay your achievements. Give yourself credit where credit is due. Reward yourself for milestones reached and goals accomplished, even if no one else notices. Your successes and the self-confidence you gain from them matter. Make time to reflect on how far you’ve come; you’ll i and belief in yourself for the road still ahead.
Building competence and skills is a journey, not a destination. But with continuous effort and practice, you’ll develop an unshakable faith in yourself and your abilities that radiates to others. That quiet strength—that’s the power of self-assurance. Keep going!
12. Stand up for yourself.
Stand up for yourself! Don’t let anyone push you around or make you feel small. You are awesome, and you know it! When someone is rude or unfair, look them in the eye and tell them their behavior is not okay. Be firm yet courteous. You’ll feel empowered.
Believe in yourself and don’t back down. You’ve got this! Speak confidently about your strengths, skills, and accomplishments. Don’t make excuses or apologies. And don’t seek approval from others or wait for permission to go after what you want. Give yourself permission!
Stand tall, smile big, and shine bright. The world is yours for the taking, so go get it! You have everything it takes to succeed, so don’t let self-doubt hold you back. Stay focused on your goals and keep putting one foot in front of the other. You’ve got the power to achieve amazing things!
13. Learn to say no.
Learn to say no! Nothing drains your energy like taking on more than you can handle. When you’re confident, you know your limits and aren’t afraid to decline requests that push you past them.
Saying “no” frees up your time and mental space for the things that really matter to you. The next time someone asks you to chair a committee or plan an office party, don’t feel guilty about passing on the opportunity. Your real friends will understand and respect you even more for not spreading yourself too thin.
Staying within your limits allows you to be fully present for the commitments you do make. Do less but do it well—that’s the quietly confident way!
14. Forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself for past mistakes and imperfections. We are all humans.
So don’t be too hard on yourself. Learn from your failures and use them as motivation to grow.
Make peace with who you are, flaws and all. Accept that you cannot be perfect, and that’s okay. Focus on being the best version of yourself instead of comparing yourself to others.
Let go of self-judgment and negative self-talk. Speak to yourself with compassion and encouragement. You deserve to be happy, so make self-forgiveness a daily practice.
15. Dress for success.
When you feel confident, it shows in how you present yourself. Rocking your persona style is a quick way to boost your confidence from the outside in. Pick out an outfit that makes you feel like you can take on the world! Whether it’s a power suit or your favorite casual wear, choose pieces that highlight your best features and fit well. Looking put-together will make you feel put-together. Stand up straight, smile, and stride into the room, knowing you have everything it takes to succeed. Your self-belief will shine through, and others will take notice of your quiet strength.
16. Acknowledge your strengths and talents.
You’ve got so much going for you! Focus on your strengths and talents—the things that make you you.
Celebrate what you’re good at and pursue opportunities to develop those strengths even further.
Maybe you have an aptitude for learning languages, a gift for listening to others, or a knack for solving complex problems. Whatever your talents are, own them! Acknowledging your strengths builds self-confidence from the inside out.
17. Take care of your physical and mental health.
To build self-assurance, prioritize self-care. Exercise, eat healthy, and get enough sleep. Your physical health directly impacts your mood and mindset.
When you feel good, you’ll have the energy and motivation to pursue your goals and maintain a positive self-image. Make time for hobbies and socializing too. Strong relationships and enjoyment of life will boost your confidence from the inside out.
FAQs: Answers to Common Questions About Developing Self-Assurance
You’ve got questions; we’ve got answers! Here are some of the most frequently asked questions about developing self-assurance.
How do I stop doubting myself?
The more you accomplish, the more your confidence will grow. Set small, achievable goals and milestones, and celebrate achieving them. Focus on your wins, not your perceived losses. Replace negative self-talk with positive affirmations. You’ve got this!
How can I appear more confident to others?
Stand up straight with your shoulders back, make eye contact, and smile. Prepare thoroughly for interactions and meetings. Know what you want to say ahead of time. Speak clearly in a friendly, engaging tone. People will perceive you as confident.
What if I feel like an imposter?
Many successful people experience imposter syndrome at some point. Remember, you earned your spot and deserve to be where you are. Focus on your skills and accomplishments, not your perceived shortcomings. Talk to others in your field to see if they have faced similar self-doubts. You belong, so believe in yourself!
How do I stop seeking approval from others?
Base your self-worth on your values and priorities rather than the opinions of people who don’t matter. You can’t control what others think of you, so stop worrying about it. Do things because they feel right to you, not to please people or gain their approval. Follow your inner compass.
What if I fail or make a mistake?
View failures and mistakes as learning opportunities rather than personal flaws. Be flexible and willing to pivot. Ask yourself what you can improve on next time. Failure is often a stepping stone to later success. Don’t be too hard on yourself; everyone messes up sometimes. Get back to it with determination and confidence in yourself!
You already have everything within you to be confident. Remember your strengths, learn from your perceived weaknesses, and believe in yourself. You’ve got this! Now go out there and show the world what you’re made of.
So stop second-guessing yourself and embrace your inner self-assurance. You have so much talent, skill, and passion within you—now is the time to tap into that quiet strength. Believe in yourself and know that you are capable of amazing things. March forward with confidence and courage, seizing new opportunities, and chasing your biggest dreams.
The world is waiting for the gift that only you can offer. You’ve got this! Now go out there, stand up straight, hold your head high, and show the world what you’re made of. Your self-assurance will be the quiet force that helps you achieve your goals and become the person you were meant to be. Success, joy, and meaningful relationships await—have faith in yourself and go boldly in the direction of your dreams!
- Don’t Let Self-Doubt Hold You Back by Alisa Cohn from Harvard Business Review
- How to Forgive Yourself Medically reviewed by Timothy J. Legg, PhD, PsyD — By Sara Lindberg — Updated on January 11, 2023 from Healthline
- 9 Habits That Are Destroying Your Confidence
I’ll leave you with one final word of encouragement. Even if you feel completely lost right now or if your life seems to be spinning out of control, it doesn’t have to stay that way. You can take the steps you need to take to bring yourself back on track, and I want to help you do that. If you want to get started right now, start by sharing your story in the comments section below.
I’ll be here along with other readers to offer advice, encouragement, and my own insights. It’s time for us all to stand up and be confident in who we are and what we’re capable of doing.