So you’ve met someone who seems a bit off. They lack empathy, rarely show emotion, and tend to manipulate others to get what they want. Chances are this person may be cold-hearted. Unfortunately, cold-hearted people walk among us every day, wreaking havoc and causing hurt. The good news is that there are signs you can spot to recognize a cold-hearted person and protect yourself.
If someone frequently lies, lacks remorse, and seems to only care about themselves, they could have a cold heart. Cold-hearted people also tend to be arrogant, believing they are superior to others. They see people as objects to use for their own benefit instead of human beings deserving of compassion. Learning the signs of a cold-hearted person can help you avoid unhealthy relationships and prevent becoming a victim of their cruelty. Once you know what to look for, you’ll be able to spot a cold-hearted person from a mile away.
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Signs of a Cold-Hearted Person
A cold-hearted person is someone who lacks empathy and compassion for others. They may seem indifferent, detached, or even cruel in their interactions. Some signs of a cold-hearted person are:
1. They Lack Empathy for Others’ Feelings
Cold-hearted people just don’t seem to care about anyone else. They lack basic empathy—the ability to understand others’ emotions and share their feelings.
- They dismiss how their words or actions make you feel. Your feelings are irrelevant to them.
- They don’t ask follow-up questions or seem genuinely interested in learning more about you. Conversations are one-sided.
- They never apologize or take responsibility for hurting you. Your pain is not their problem.
If someone in your life checks these boxes, you’re probably dealing with an empathy-deficient individual. Protecting yourself by limiting contact with this person is wise. You deserve to be around people who treat you with compassion. Don’t let their coldness make you question your own warmth and kindness.
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2. They are manipulative and exploitative.
They’re skilled manipulators and know how to exploit your weaknesses. Run if someone:
- Lies and deceives to get what they want. The truth is flexible for them.
- Uses emotional blackmail, like threatening to hurt themselves if you don’t comply. This is manipulation, not love.
- It makes you feel like you owe them. Real relationships are based on mutual care and respect, not debt and obligation.
- It isolates you from friends and family. Controlling behavior is a huge red flag. Don’t fall for their offensive charm.
- It makes you feel like you’re never good enough. You’ll never satisfy them, so don’t even try. Their criticism says more about them than you.
- Uses “divide and conquer” tactics to turn people against each other. Drama and conflict make them feel powerful.
- Lacks empathy. They don’t care about your feelings; they only care about what they can gain from you.
If any of this sounds familiar, put distance between you and this toxic person as soon as you’re able to. You deserve to be around people who treat you with compassion. Don’t let cold-hearted users take that away from you.
3. They have a grandiose sense of self-worth.
Cold-hearted people typically have an inflated sense of self-importance. They believe they are special or superior to others in some way. They boast and brag frequently about their achievements and accomplishments. However, these grandiose claims tend to be exaggerated or outright lies. The cold-hearted see themselves as the center of the universe, with little regard for how their words or actions might affect those around them.
4. They constantly seek attention and adoration.
Cold-hearted people are often attention seekers. They crave constant compliments and adulation from those around them. If you don’t shower them with praise and affection, they become irritable or distant. These individuals view relationships as a means to an end to fulfill their need for attention and praise. They rarely show genuine interest in others or form deep, meaningful connections. Their interactions are superficial and self-serving.
Beware of people who constantly fish for compliments or become angry when they don’t get the admiration and attention they feel entitled to. Healthy, caring relationships are built on mutual understanding and respect, not constant ego-stroking.
5. They Struggle to Take Responsibility for Their Actions
They never take responsibility for the hurtful things they do. Rather than sincerely apologizing, they blame others or make excuses. It’s always someone else’s fault. They never accept blame and constantly point fingers at others to avoid accountability. They blame their childhood, their circumstances, their bad luck—anything but themselves. They see themselves as victims and never acknowledge their role in the situation.
Don’t expect a genuine “I’m sorry” from them. The closest you’ll get is “I’m sorry you feel that way.” A cold-hearted person lacks empathy, so they don’t care about the pain they’ve caused. They only care about getting what they want and avoiding blame. Their refusal to take responsibility is a major red flag.
6. They have difficulty maintaining close relationships.
Cold-hearted people tend to have troubled personal relationships and have a hard time sustaining intimacy. They may fit from partner to partner or have a string of short-term relationships that never quite last. Their difficulty with closeness and vulnerability makes true emotional intimacy a challenge.
Rather than meaningful connections, cold-hearted individuals often value superficial relationships that require little effort or commitment. They prefer more casual acquaintances over profoundly personal bonds with others. Their self-centeredness and detachment frequently cause friends and family members to feel frustrated, hurt, or upset in their company.
In the end, cold-hearted people’s aloofness and emotional distance inevitably damage their close relationships. The inability to share meaningful interactions, show empathy, or express affection usually leaves their partners feeling unloved, unwanted, and alone.
7. They display antisocial and risk-taking behaviors.
Cold-hearted people often engage in reckless behaviors with no regard for consequences. They may frequently break rules or the law without feelings of guilt or remorse. Some signs to look for:
- They act impulsively without considering how their actions might affect themselves or others. They seem to lack empathy.
- They don’t learn from their mistakes, and they keep repeating harmful behaviors. They don’t seem to care about the fallout.
- They have trouble maintaining relationships and friendships. They tend to act selfishly rather than cooperating or compromising with others.
- They lack realistic plans or goals for their future, living more in the moment. They don’t seem worried about the repercussions of their poor choices and lack of responsibility.
- They frequently end up in dangerous situations due to poor decision-making and judgment. But they always have an excuse and blame others rather than accepting responsibility for their role.
- They don’t respect authority figures like parents, teachers, or bosses. They rebel against rules and social norms without justification.
- They seem detached from their emotions and from understanding how their behavior impacts those around them. They lack a moral compass.
Watch out for these warning signs of antisocial behavior in a cold-hearted individual. Their recklessness and lack of empathy can cause harm to themselves and everyone around them.
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8. They are superficial and charming.
These types of people know how to use charm and flattery to get what they want. They will compliment you and show interest in the things you care about, but their kindness is superficial. Once they’ve gotten what they need from you, the charm quickly fades away. Their shallow affection and lack of real empathy become apparent.
Watch out for people who lay on the charm but don’t actually listen when you speak or show interest in the deeper aspects of your life. The sweet talkers who are all style and no substance. Their charming ways are a facade to mask their coldness and get their needs met. Don’t be fooled by an effusive flatterer; look for real depth of connection and shared interests. An insincere charmer will leave you feeling used and empty after the initial glow wears off. Trust your instincts on this one.
9. They lack remorse and guilt for harmful behaviors.
Cold-hearted individuals rarely feel bad about hurting others. They lack a conscience that produces feelings of guilt, regret, or remorse for harmful actions. If they say or do something cruel, they won’t apologize or make amends. They don’t care about the pain they’ve caused.
These apathetic and unemotional types only worry about themselves. They put their needs and desires first, without concern for who gets stepped on or pushed aside along the way. Don’t expect a cold-hearted person to feel sorry for damaging your trust, sabotaging your success, or ruining your day. Their self-centered mindset prevents them from seeing beyond their own interests.
10. They exploit and demean others.
When someone sees other people as objects to manipulate for their own gain, that’s a sign of a cold-hearted individual. A cold-hearted person will exploit others for their own benefit without remorse. They view people as pawns to maneuver to get what they want, not caring who they hurt along the way. They are quick to demean or insult anyone they see as “below them or standing in their way. Stay away from people who make cruel jokes at your expense or constantly criticize to make themselves feel superior.
11. They don’t accept responsibility for their actions.
Cold-hearted people often blame others instead of taking responsibility for their own actions or mistakes. They make excuses, point fingers at others, and never sincerely apologize. You’ll frequently hear them say things like:
- “It’s not my fault.”
- “I didn’t do anything wrong.”
- “You made me do it.”
Rather than owning up to their actions, they deflect blame to avoid feeling ashamed or guilty. Don’t expect a heartfelt “I’m sorry” from them. They lack empathy and rarely consider how their behavior impacts those around them. Everything is always someone else’s fault in their eyes.
When to Seek Professional Help for Dealing with a Cold-Hearted Person
When dealing with a cold-hearted or emotionally unavailable person, seeking counseling or therapy can help you cope. Speaking with a professional counselor provides several benefits:
Gain an outside perspective. Talking to a counselor allows you to gain an outside, unbiased perspective on the situation. They can assess what’s really going on and determine the healthiest path forward for you. A counselor may spot unhealthy patterns or signs of emotional abuse that you can’t see when you’re in the midst of it.
Set Boundaries A counselor can help you establish proper boundaries to protect yourself. They’ll guide you in communicating your needs clearly while also respecting the other person’s boundaries. Setting healthy limits is key to maintaining your own well-being when dealing with someone who is indifferent or aloof.
Find coping strategies. Speaking with a professional therapist provides coping strategies tailored to your unique situation. They can offer advice for managing stress and anxiety, boosting your confidence, and not internalizing the other person’s behavior. Learning skills for self-care and improving your emotional resilience will make interactions with the cold-hearted individual easier to handle.
Determine the next steps. If the situation calls for it, a counselor can help you determine next steps like improving communication, spending less time together, or even ending the relationship. They’ll support you through difficult decisions by helping you evaluate what’s in your best interest. Speaking to a professional provides guidance so you can move forward in a healthy way.
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Conclusion
Don’t let cold-hearted people bring you down or make you question your worth. Trust your instincts; if someone seems off or makes you feel bad about yourself, that’s a major red flag. Surround yourself with people who treat you with kindness, empathy, and respect. Life’s too short to waste time on those who don’t value you. You deserve so much better. So watch out for the signs, trust your gut, and don’t be afraid to move on from people who make you feel cold. There are warm-hearted souls out there, so go find your tribe!
References
- 19 traits of a cold person (and 4 effective ways to deal with them)by Lachlan Brown
- Examining the Correlates of the Coldheartedness Factor of the Psychopathic Personality Inventory-Revised Authors: Joanna Berg, Lisa K. Hecht, Robert D Latzman, Takeda, Scott O. Lilienfeld
- The Cold Heart: Reminders of Money Cause Feelings of Physical Coldness Leonie Reutner , Jochim Hansen, and Rainer Greifenede
- Personality, Are You a Warm or Cold Person? Dr. Schwartz’s Weblog By: Allan Schwartz, LCSW, Ph.D.
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