You know that friend who can never decide where to go for dinner or what movie to watch? The one who agonizes over even the smallest choices and fears making the “wrong” decision? That’s what it’s like to live with chronic indecisiveness. If you’re reading this, there’s a good chance you struggle with decision-making or know someone who does. The good news is that there are strategies to help.
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Understanding Indecisiveness: Why Some People Struggle to Make Choices
Indecisiveness is more than just struggling to make choices. For some, it can stem from deeper issues like perfectionism, low self-esteem, anxiety, or fear of regret. If you know someone who seems chronically indecisive, it’s important to understand why they have trouble choosing and how you can support them.
Perfectionists hold themselves and their choices to unrealistically high standards. They want the “perfect” option and become paralyzed by the fear of making the wrong choice. You can help by reassuring them that there is no “right” answer and that the best choice is the one that meets most of their needs. Focus on options that satisfy their core values rather than minor details.
Those with low self-esteem or anxiety may doubt their ability to make good choices and worry about potential negative outcomes. Give them confidence by expressing your faith in their decision-making skills. Help them break down the options into small, manageable steps to make the process feel less overwhelming. Remind them of past choices they made to build their self-belief.
Fear of regret stems from worrying that they’ll be unhappy with their choice and wish they had picked differently. But in reality, we can’t know how things might have turned out otherwise. Help them accept uncertainty by focusing on the benefits of the option they’re leaning towards rather than hypothetical “what ifs.”. The more experience they get making choices, the less fear of regret will hold them back.
The more you understand what’s behind someone’s indecisiveness, the better equipped you’ll be to offer meaningful support. With patience and the right guidance, chronically indecisive people can overcome obstacles to making choices and gain confidence in their own decision-making abilities.
Signs Someone You Know May Be Chronically Indecisive
If you know someone who struggles to make even minor choices or commitments, they may be chronically indecisive. Some telltale signs include:
- They agonize over small choices. Deciding between two options, like what to have for dinner, causes them anxiety and stress. They feel overwhelmed by too many choices.
- They doubt their decisions. Even after choosing, they continue to second-guess themselves and wonder if they made the “right” choice. This leads to regret, uncertainty, and a lack of confidence in their ability to choose well.
- They delay or avoid decisions. The thought of deciding causes discomfort, so they put off choices for as long as possible. This often results in missed opportunities or deadlines. For some, not deciding feels safer than risking the possibility of regret.
- They seek excessive input from others. The indecisive person relies heavily on friends, family, and even strangers to determine what they should do. They have trouble trusting their own judgment and look to others to make choices for them.
- They change their minds frequently. Someone who is chronically indecisive may make a choice but then reverse it soon after in favor of another option. They have trouble sticking with a decision due to self-doubt, anxiety, and a desire to keep their options open.
If these behaviors sound familiar to someone you know, the good news is that there are strategies to help. The most important things are patience, encouragement, and helping them build confidence in their ability to choose. Start with small, low-risk decisions and provide positive reinforcement to help overcome indecision one step at a time.
How to Help an Indecisive Person Make a Decision
To help an indecisive person make a decision, you need to understand why they are struggling to choose. Sometimes, indecision is caused by fear of making a mistake, anxiety about the consequences, perfectionism that demands the best option, or other factors. You can help them by helping them evaluate the benefits and drawbacks of each option and how they align with their goals and values. You can also help them by encouraging them to listen to their gut feelings and avoid overanalyzing or doubting themselves. Finally, you can support them by helping them take action and stick to their decision.
1. Validating Their Feelings While Providing Support
Validating their feelings while providing support is key to helping chronically indecisive people make choices.
Listen Without Judgment
The first thing you can do is listen without judgment. Chronically indecisive individuals often feel overwhelmed by choices and fear making the “wrong” decision. Let them talk through their thoughts and feelings. Say things like, “It sounds like you have a lot going through your mind.” Offer empathy and validate their concerns. Remind them that some uncertainty is normal.
Narrow Down Options
Once they’ve shared their concerns, help them narrow down their options. Ask questions to determine what factors are most important for their decision. Then eliminate choices that don’t meet those needs. If they’re still struggling, suggest they pick 2-3 top options to focus on. Fewer choices will make the decision seem more manageable.
Discuss Pros and Cons
Discuss the pros and cons of the remaining options in a balanced, non-judgmental way. Help them think through how each choice could positively or negatively impact them, both short-term and long-term. Write the pros and cons down on paper or a digital document to provide a visual reference. Seeing the options laid out in this logical fashion can make the best choice more obvious.
Provide Reassurance
Regardless of the choice they make, provide reassurance. Let them know you support them and are there to help them work through any challenges. Remind them that some uncertainty or doubt is normal, even after a decision has been made. With your support, the choice they made will likely feel more and more right over time.
The most important thing is giving chronically indecisive people your patience, empathy, and guidance. While you can’t make the choice for them, you can make the process of choosing feel less overwhelming and frightening. With practice and support, their decision-making confidence will grow.
2. Reframing Decisions as Temporary and Reversible
When helping chronically indecisive people make choices, it can help to reframe decisions as temporary and reversible. This mindset shift can make choices feel less high-stakes and permanent, making it easier to move forward.
See options as temporary
Remind your indecisive friend that most choices in life are not irreversible. If they try something and don’t like it, they can make a change. For example, if they choose a new career path or hobby and realize it’s not for them, they have the freedom to pivot to something else. Few choices in life are truly permanent.
Start small and build up
Encourage your friend to start with small, low-risk decisions to build up their confidence in choosing. For example, have them pick between two places for dinner or two movies to watch. Once they get comfortable with smaller choices, they can work their way up to bigger decisions. Taking it step by step can make the process feel less overwhelming.
Do trials when possible
When choices allow for it, suggest your friend do a trial run. For example, if they can’t decide between two job offers, see if one or both companies will allow a trial period before officially accepting the role. Trying out the options in a low-commitment way can provide valuable information to aid their final decision. At the very least, it allows them to experience what each choice might actually be like in reality.
Sitting down to logically think through the pros and cons of each option can make the best choice more apparent. Have your friend write out the benefits and drawbacks of each choice. Seeing it all laid out on paper or on a computer screen can provide clarity. Discussing the lists with a trusted friend or advisor who can provide an outside perspective adds another layer of helpful insight.
With patience and the right techniques, you can support chronically indecisive people through the process of making good choices. Helping them reframe decisions as flexible and changeable is a great place to start.
3. Helping Them Weigh the Pros and Cons of Each Option
Helping chronically indecisive people weigh the pros and cons of each option can help them feel more at ease making a choice. When a big decision needs to be made, suggest going through each option systematically to evaluate the positives and negatives. This process helps bring clarity and confidence.
List the Options
Have them write down each choice available. For example, if deciding between job offers, list the company names. If you are choosing a new home, list the available properties. Seeing the options in black and white makes them concrete and helps determine the range of possibilities.
Identify Priorities
Discuss what factors are most important for them to consider, like salary, location, growth opportunities, amenities, etc. Rank or weight these priorities to focus the evaluation. What are their deal breakers? Must-haves? Bonuses? Establishing priorities upfront provides guidance during the weighing process.
Analyze Each Option
Go through each choice one by one. For the highest priority factors, evaluate how well each option meets those needs on a scale of 1 to 5, with 5 being the best match. Also, note any pros and cons for each choice. Consider conveniences and inconveniences. How does each option align with their goals and priorities in life? Look at both short-term and long-term impacts.
Compare and Contrast
With all options analyzed based on the same factors, it’s easier to compare them side by side. Some options may emerge as clear frontrunners, while others fall to the bottom of the pack. Discuss how each choice feels intuitively. Which seems most exciting or anxiety-provoking? Seeing the options compared helps determine the optimal choice based on both logical reasoning and gut instinct.
Make the Final Choice
Based on the evaluations and comparisons, determine the option that best fits their priorities and needs. While no choice may seem 100% perfect, the option that meets the most important factors and causes the least worry or regret is the best one. Have confidence in the decision by looking at how much consideration and thought went into the process. The chronically indecisive person can feel assured that they are making the choice that is right for their situation.
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4. Setting a Deadline or Time Limit for Making the Decision
Setting a deadline for making a choice can be an effective strategy for chronically indecisive people. When you have a time limit, it forces you to evaluate options objectively and come to a decision, rather than endlessly deliberating and second-guessing yourself.
Set a reasonable deadline
Don’t make the deadline too soon, or you’ll feel rushed and frustrated. But don’t make it too far in the future either, or you’ll keep putting off the decision and not gain the benefits of having a deadline. A good rule of thumb is to allow yourself a few days to a couple weeks for a small to medium-sized decision and a month or more for a very complex or emotionally fraught choice.
Break down the options
With your deadline in mind, analyze your options systematically. List the pros and cons, compare features, and weigh priorities. Getting input from others can also help provide valuable perspective. Talk to people whose judgment you trust. Discuss how they would evaluate the choice if they were in your position.
Trust your gut
As the deadline approaches, go with what feels right based on the information you’ve gathered. Your intuition arises from a combination of knowledge, experience, and innate wisdom. While it shouldn’t be the only factor in your decision-making, ignoring your gut instincts can lead to doubt and regret.
Commit to your choice
Once you’ve decided, commit to following through. Tell others about your decision to strengthen your own resolve. Take action right away if possible, like signing official paperwork or starting a project plan. While it’s normal to feel some uncertainty, avoid second-guessing yourself. You made the best choice you could with the information you had. If needed, you can always re-evaluate in the future.
The key is to view the deadline as a helpful tool, not an ominous threat. It gives you the push you need to gain clarity and confidence in your ability to make good decisions. With practice, setting deadlines and following through on choices will get easier for any chronically indecisive person.
5. Breaking Down Big Decisions Into Smaller Steps
If you struggle with chronic indecisiveness, big decisions can feel overwhelming and paralyzing. The solution is to break down the big choice into smaller, more manageable steps. This makes the process feel less daunting and helps build momentum toward a final decision.
Identify your options. Write down all the possible choices in front of you. Get them down on paper so you can see them clearly. Do some initial research on each option to determine the pros and cons.
Set a deadline. Give yourself adequate but limited time to make your choice. A deadline helps provide needed structure and prevents endless deliberation. Let close ones know your deadline in case you need accountability.
Determine your priorities.What factors are most important in this decision? Think about your needs, wants, values, and priorities to identify what matters most. Rank or weight the options based on these priorities. This can help determine a frontrunner.
Start eliminating choices. Unless you have an unlimited number of options, you’ll need to narrow them down. Remove any choices that don’t meet your basic criteria or priorities. Try using an elimination matrix or pro/con list to compare options side by side. Cross-off those with more cons than pros. ###Get input from others. Ask close ones you trust for their perspective on your options. Explain your priorities and have them share their thoughts on which choices seem to best match what you’re looking for. Take their input into consideration.
Make a provisional choice. Once you’ve narrowed down to a few good options, pick one to start with. You can always change your mind, but getting started is the hardest part. Choose an option and try it out for a while. You’ll gain valuable experience to determine if it’s right or if you need to re-evaluate. The most important thing is just to get started. Breaking down big, anxiety-inducing decisions into smaller steps will help you progress toward the best choice for your situation. And remember, you can make changes along the way; very few choices in life are truly permanent. With practice, making tough choices will get easier.
6. Encouraging Self-Reflection on Core Values and Priorities
Encouraging self-reflection on core values and priorities can help chronically indecisive people gain clarity and make better choices.
Sit down with your indecisive friend and have an open, honest conversation about what really matters to them in life and why those things are important. Help them identify their key values and priorities by asking questions like:
- What do you care most about in life? Things like relationships, experiences, achievement, health, finances, etc.
- If you only had 6–12 months to live, what would you spend your time doing? This can reveal what they value most.
- What do you want to be remembered for after you’re gone? How people want to be remembered says a lot about their priorities.
Once their values and priorities are clear, have them write them down. Referring to this list will help guide them when difficult decisions arise. Ask them how their options align with what really matters to them. This can make the choice more obvious.
Suggest they start small by choosing between two low-risk options to build up their decision-making confidence. Provide reassurance that there are no “right” or “wrong” choices, only what is right for them based on their priorities. With practice, decision-making can get easier. Remind your friend not to overanalyze options or worry about making the “perfect” choice. While doing research and getting input from others is good, too much can lead to paralysis by analysis. The most important factors are how well options align with their values and priorities, not what others may think.
Making a choice also provides an opportunity to learn and grow. Even if the option they choose doesn’t turn out as hoped, they’ve gained valuable experience to guide future decisions. The old saying “no decision is still a decision” is true. Avoiding or delaying choices won’t make decision-making any easier.
With your support and encouragement, chronically indecisive people can overcome their difficulty making choices through self-reflection and practice. Helping them identify what matters most will provide direction, and starting small builds up their confidence to make better choices over time.
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7. Knowing When to Step Back: Setting Boundaries as a Loved One
As someone who cares about an indecisive friend or family member, it can be difficult to know when to offer your input and when to give them space to make their own choices. While you want to support them, constantly hovering or pushing your preferences can backfire. Setting clear boundaries and learning when to step back are keys.
Give them opportunities to decide on their own. For small choices like where to go for dinner or what movie to watch, give them space to weigh options and select freely without your influence. Resist the urge to make suggestions or share your preferences unless asked. Letting them practice making more trivial decisions will build their confidence in choosing.
Don’t enable their indecisiveness. If you constantly make choices for them or bail them out of commitments because they’re unsure, you’re enabling the behavior you’re trying to help them overcome. Offer guidance, but don’t do the deciding for them. Encourage them to follow through once a choice is made.
Be patient as they work to improve. Becoming more decisive is a process that takes conscious effort and time. Offer your support and understanding without judgment. Celebrate small victories and milestones to keep them motivated for continued progress.
Set limits on how much you’ll discuss options. While you want to be there for them, constantly rehashing the pros and cons of your choices can be exhausting and unproductive. Gently but firmly tell them you’ve discussed the options thoroughly already and encourage them to make a choice. Let them know you have confidence in their ability to decide.
The most important thing is finding the right balance between supporting your loved one’s autonomy and growth while also maintaining boundaries that work for your own wellbeing. With patience and practice, you can help empower them to become more confident in their choices.
8. Suggesting They Consult Friends or Experts for Advice
When friends or family have a hard time making up their minds, suggesting they get input from others can help. Recommending they consult friends or experts for advice gives them perspectives to consider and can make the decision process less overwhelming.
Ask Trusted Friends for Their Opinions
Chronically indecisive people often get stuck in their own heads, obsessing over the pros and cons. Encourage them to ask close friends or family members what they think about the options. Hearing other views can help break the cycle of circular thinking and provide insight into what really matters. Let them know their friends want the best for them and are there to offer honest, caring feedback.
Seek Counsel From Experts or Professionals
For big life choices or in areas they lack experience, recommend connecting with a knowledgeable expert. Speaking to a financial advisor about investment options, a career coach about job opportunities, or a therapist about relationship issues are some examples. Professionals can evaluate their situation objectively and provide guidance to help determine the right path. While the final choice is still up to them, expert advice gives them a more informed basis for their decision-making.
Consider All Input Carefully
Advise them to listen openly to all the input they receive but make their own judgment. Friends and experts mean well but may have their own biases or agendas. Encourage weighing each piece of advice carefully based on how well the person knows them and their goals. Some suggestions will resonate more than others. The key is finding the choice that aligns best with their priorities and values.
Getting input from others is not about handing over their decision-making power but gaining new perspectives to determine the right choice for them. With support, chronically indecisive people can build confidence in their ability to make good decisions and find more peace of mind. The final say is always up to them, but they don’t have to make difficult choices alone.
Tips for Communicating With an Indecisive Person
Communicating with chronically indecisive people can be frustrating, but with patience and the right approach, you can help guide them to making choices.
Provide limited options
Don’t overwhelm them with too many options to choose from. Narrow down choices to just 2–3 good options. This makes the decision seem more manageable and less paralyzing. Say something like, “I’ve narrowed it down to these top two choices based on your preferences. Which do you prefer?”
Set a time frame
Give them a reasonable deadline for making a choice to avoid endless deliberation. Let them know when you need an answer, while also offering your support and help evaluating options. Say, “I need your final choice by Friday so we have enough time to prepare. I’m here if you want to talk through the pros and cons of each.”
Share your recommendation
Offer your perspective on which choice you think is best and why, based on your knowledge of their needs and priorities. Explain how you arrived at your recommendation to help them feel more confident in the choice. However, also make it clear that the final decision is up to them. Say something like, “Based on everything you’ve told me, I would recommend Option A. Here are the main reasons why I think it’s the optimal choice:. But this is your decision; go with whatever feels right for your situation.”
Ask open-ended questions
To help them work through indecision, ask open-ended questions to uncover what’s causing anxiety or uncertainty. Questions like, “What’s making this choice difficult for you?” or “What else do you need to feel confident in a decision?” Address any concerns or need for more information. The more you understand their perspective, the better you can support them.
Offer reassurance
Reassure them that there may not be a “perfect” choice and that the decision can be revisited if needed. Let them know you support them and are there to help them work through any issues that come up. Your encouragement and vote of confidence can help alleviate anxiety over making the “wrong” choice.
With patience and empathy, you have the power to help chronically indecisive people feel more at ease during the decision-making process. Applying these tips for communicating will make a meaningful difference in their ability to choose with confidence.
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Supporting Them No Matter What They Decide: Showing You’ll Be There
Supporting chronically indecisive people means accepting them for who they are and providing encouragement no matter what choice they make. Your role is to be there as a sounding board, not pass judgment.
Listen Without Criticism
When they’re struggling with a choice, persist actively and be empathetic. Ask open-ended questions to make sure you understand their concerns fully before offering suggestions. Say things like, “What’s making this such a difficult decision?” or “What are you most worried about?” Rather than criticizing their indecisiveness, express confidence in their ability to make a good choice when they’re ready.
Don’t Make the Choice For Them
It can be frustrating to watch someone struggle, but resist the urge to decide for them. That will only make them more dependent and less confident in their own judgment over time. Gently remind them that they have the ability to weigh options and go with what feels right for their situation. If they ask you directly what they should choose, say something like, “I trust you to make the best decision for yourself.” Provide moral support without trying to influence the outcome.
Reassure Them After the Choice is Made
Once a choice has been made, offer reassurance to help relieve any lingering doubts or anxiety. Say things like:
- I’m sure you made the best choice for your needs.”
- “You put a lot of thought into this decision. I have faith it will work out.”
- No choice is perfect, but what matters most is that you took your time and went with what felt right. I support you fully.”
Your confidence in them will help build their confidence in themselves over time. With patience and practice, making choices may gradually become less difficult. But no matter what, you’ll be there for them without judgment or criticism.
How Indecisiveness Impacts Relationships and Daily Life
Chronically indecisive people often struggle with making choices in their daily lives and relationships. The inability to choose can stem from a variety of reasons, including:
- Fear of regretting the choice or making the “wrong” choice
- Desire to keep options open
- Difficulty prioritizing options or determining what’s most important
- Anxiety about the unknown or unpredictable outcomes
Impact on Daily Life
In day-to-day living, chronic indecisiveness can manifest in an inability to make even small choices, like what to wear, eat, or do for fun. This can lead to frustration, missed opportunities, and wasted time. Learning strategies to narrow options and make satisfactory choices can help reduce stress and increase enjoyment of life.
Impact on Relationships
In relationships, the other person may feel like their input doesn’t matter or that you don’t value their time. Important life decisions like moving in together, marriage, or having kids can also be stalled by chronic indecisiveness. However, understanding the root causes of your partner’s indecision and finding compromise through open communication and shared decision-making are keys to overcoming this challenge.
Some things you can do to support an indecisive friend or partner include:
- Help them break down big choices into smaller, more manageable steps. This makes the decision less overwhelming and scary.
- They suggest they set a deadline to avoid endless deliberation. While they should take the time they need, deadlines can provide needed motivation and push them to move forward.
- Reassure them that there may not be a “perfect” choice. Help them determine what factors are most important to focus on.
- Offer to share the responsibility of deciding by giving your input and opinions. But also express your willingness to support whatever choice they make.
- Praise their efforts and the progress they’re making. Building confidence in their ability to choose will make decisions easier over time.
With patience, compassion, and the right strategies, people struggling with chronic indecisiveness can overcome obstacles to make better choices and live more freely. Support from others is key, so do your part to help the indecisive people in your own life.
Conclusion
In conclusion, helping an indecisive person make a decision involves a combination of understanding their thought process, providing guidance, and encouraging self-confidence. By following the strategies outlined in this article, you can support your loved one in overcoming their indecisiveness and making informed decisions.
References
- Avoidant Decision-Making Disorder: 8 Symptoms Of Chronic Indecisiveness & How To Recover by Jay Desko, Ph.D.
- The challenge of making decisions
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