You remember how it was growing up, right? Your parents and teachers were always harping on discipline – doing your homework, cleaning your room, being on time. Discipline was instilled as an important value. But in today’s world of distractions and quick fixes, discipline can take a back seat. Sure, we know self-control and focus are still critical. But are we imparting their importance to our kids? Have we lost the belief that discipline builds character? This article takes a fresh look at whether discipline remains a core value worth cultivating in the 21st century.
Table of Contents
What Is Discipline? Defining an Age-Old Virtue
Discipline refers to self-control and the ability to avoid impulsive behavior. It means resisting cravings and delaying gratification to achieve your goals. Discipline is a virtue that must be practiced and cultivated.
Developing Good Habits: The key to discipline is developing good habits and sticking to them. Start by choosing one area of your life to focus on, like waking up early or limiting screen time. Set a specific and achievable goal, then track your progress. Don’t be too hard on yourself if you slip up. Just get back on track right away.
Staying Determined: Maintaining discipline requires determination and willpower. When temptation arises, take a step back and remember why you set this goal. Picture how you will feel if you achieve it. Staying focused on the benefits of discipline can help strengthen your resolve.
Practicing Self-Control: Self-control is a muscle that gets stronger with use. Look for opportunities each day to flex your self- control muscle, even in small ways. For example, walk away from an unhealthy snack or resist the urge to check social media. These little victories will boost your confidence and make bigger acts of self- control easier.
While discipline is challenging, it is a virtue worth cultivating. By developing good habits, staying determined, and practicing self-control each day, you can strengthen your discipline muscle and achieve amazing things. Success is often simply a matter of consistent, conscious effort over time. If you slip up, show yourself compassion. Then refocus your mind and try again. You’ve got this!
Read more
The Evolution of Discipline Throughout History
Discipline has been valued since ancient times, though the ways we instill it have changed. In some historic societies, strict physical punishment was the norm. The ancient Spartans, for example, believed discipline was a virtue and subjected children to harsh training and corporal punishment.
The Rise of Moral Discipline: As societies progressed, discipline transitioned from purely physical to more moral and intellectual. The Victorian era in the 19th century emphasized strict moral codes, etiquette, and rigid social norms as a form of self-discipline. Schools also adopted moral discipline, using shame and corporal punishment to enforce rules.
Is Discipline a Value? Why Discipline Used to Be a Core Value
Discipline used to be considered one of the most important values, especially for children and students. Not too long ago, discipline was a virtue that was instilled from an early age. Strict rules, enforced consequences, and high expectations were thought to build character and shape young minds.
The ability to control one’s impulses and delay gratification was seen as crucial for success. Discipline taught self-control, hard work, and perseverance in the face of difficulties or boredom. People believed that strict discipline prepared children for the challenges of adulthood by teaching them to follow rules and meet obligations even when they didn’t want to.
Society’s Values Have Changed: Today, society’s values have shifted to emphasize individualism, self-expression, and work-life balance over self-denial and duty. Strict discipline is often seen as too authoritarian and as stifling creativity or natural curiosity. Many modern parents and educators take a more permissive approach, prioritizing a child’s happiness and self-esteem over discipline.
While discipline still has an important role to play, the definition has evolved. Discipline is now more about developing good habits and self-control from within, not just following orders and rules. The most effective discipline helps children understand why certain behaviors are important and encourages them to internalize good values so they can become self-disciplined individuals.
Some argue that society has gone too far in rejecting discipline and that youth today lack the self-control, work ethic, and perseverance of previous generations. However, others believe that a balanced approach that incorporates both traditional discipline and modern values of creative thinking, emotional intelligence, and work-life balance will produce young people able to thrive and lead in today’s world. The debate around the role and importance of discipline as a value is sure to continue as cultural values continue to shift.
The Modern Approach: Self-Discipline
Today, most societies value self-discipline over rigid control. We teach children emotional regulation, goal-setting, and delayed gratification. Strict rules and physical punishment have largely given way to natural consequences and open communication.
Of course, some level of external discipline is still needed, especially for younger children. But the ultimate goal is internalized self-discipline—the ability to motivate and regulate oneself. Researchers have found that self-discipline correlates with positive life outcomes, from better health to improved relationships to greater success and wellbeing.
Discipline remains a core value, though how we cultivate it has progressed. Strict control and harsh punishment are relics of the past. Helping children develop self-discipline through choice, communication, and natural consequences is the modern approach—and the one most likely to create happy, independent, and thriving individuals. While the ways we teach discipline have evolved, its importance has stood the test of time.
How Views on Discipline Have Changed in Modern Times
Discipline used to be a core value for previous generations, but views on it have shifted in recent decades. Many of us grew up in households where strict rules and harsh punishment were the norm. Spanking, time-outs, and being sent to your room without dinner were common disciplinary tactics. While these measures were thought to teach children proper behavior and respect, research now shows that physical or overly punitive discipline can be counterproductive.
A Shift to Gentler Parenting Styles: Today’s parents tend to favor gentler, more supportive parenting styles. Many have turned away from authoritarian discipline in favor of an authoritative approach, where rules and consequences are balanced with open communication and nurturing. Some adopt an even more permissive parenting style, with minimal rules and consequences. While some level of discipline is still necessary to teach children proper values and behaviors, many modern parents try to be less strict and more collaborative.
Understanding the Root Causes of Behavior
Modern thinking on child discipline also emphasizes understanding the underlying causes of bad behavior and using that understanding to guide your response. A child acting out may be struggling with big emotions, feeling insecure in their attachment to you, or seeking attention and connection in inappropriate ways. Harsh physical or verbal punishment will likely only make these issues worse. The most constructive approach is often to remain patient, show empathy, set clear limits, and help your child develop better coping strategies.
Building Trust and Nurturing the Relationship
Ultimately, the goal of discipline should be to build trust and nurture a supportive relationship with your child. Strict, fear-based discipline models of the past often damaged relationships and caused resentment. Today’s gentler, more understanding approach aims to make children feel heard, respected, and secure in their relationship with their parents or guardians. While rules and consequences still have a place, the focus is on collaborative problem-solving and maintaining an open, trusting connection with children.
In many ways, views on child discipline have evolved a great deal. A gentler, more empathetic approach focused on understanding root causes and building supportive relationships is now favored over the strict, harsh discipline of previous eras. However, finding the right balance of limits, consequences, nurturing, and trust for each family remains an ongoing challenge.
The Pros and Cons of Traditional Discipline
Traditional discipline focuses on strict rules, punishment for bad behavior, and enforced respect for authority. For some, this approach instills important values. For others, it can be too rigid. Let’s look at some of the pros and cons.
Pros: Structure and Obedience
Discipline teaches children structure and the importance of obedience. Strict rules and consequences help kids learn self-control and how to delay gratification. They understand that actions have consequences, good or bad. Discipline also teaches respect for authority, an important lesson for success in school, the workplace, and society.
Cons: Lack of Flexibility and Creativity
A strictly disciplined environment may not nurture creativity or independent thinking. When children are afraid to step out of line or think for themselves, it can limit their ability to problem-solve in innovative ways. Discipline that is too harsh can also damage self-esteem and parent-child relationships.
Finding the Right Balance: Like many aspects of parenting, discipline requires balance. Strict rules need to be balanced with warmth, flexibility, and understanding. Focus on the behavior, not the child. Be consistent yet willing to listen. Explain your reasoning and make sure consequences are fair and age-appropriate.
With the right balance of discipline and flexibility, children can learn important life lessons in a supportive environment. They gain confidence from clear rules and boundaries, yet feel free to think creatively and for themselves. As with all parenting, one size does not fit all. But in general, a moderate approach tends to work best for children and families.
The debate around traditional discipline will likely continue. But by focusing on balance, respect, and meeting individual needs, parents can find an approach that cultivates both obedience and independence. The ultimate goal should be to guide children into responsible, principled and caring adults. With patience and wisdom, discipline can be an act of love that achieves just that.
New Approaches to Instilling Discipline in Kids
As our society progresses, traditional approaches to discipline often feel outdated or inappropriate. Strict rules, harsh consequences, and corporal punishment are no longer condoned and can seriously damage your child’s development. The good news is that modern psychology offers alternative techniques for teaching kids self-discipline in a healthy, respectful way.
Focus on natural consequences. Rather than doling out punishment, help your child understand how their actions lead to logical outcomes. For example, if they don’t do their homework, the natural consequence is a bad grade. Explain how their choices impacted the result, then have them take responsibility for fixing it. This helps them build accountability in a supportive environment.
Set clear expectations: Make sure your child understands exactly what is expected of them and why it’s important. Explain your reasons for rules and how they help build character or prepare them for life. When kids understand why discipline is necessary, they’re more likely to develop self-discipline. Review expectations frequently and be consistent with follow-through.
Offer choices when possible: Give your child opportunities to make their own choices within reason so they can practice self-discipline. For example, instead of mandating they do their homework right after school, offer the choice of doing it before or after dinner. Let them choose between two appropriate outfits or decide what to eat from a couple of healthy options. Making choices, even small ones, helps them gain confidence in their ability to self-regulate.
Praise their efforts. When your child shows self-discipline, offer praise and positive reinforcement. Say something like, “I appreciate you starting your homework without being asked. You should feel proud of your self-discipline.” This positive feedback will motivate them to make good choices again in the future. Focus on praising their effort and character, not just outcomes or achievements.
Today’s kids still need guidance and rules to develop self-discipline. But by using alternative techniques focused on natural consequences, clear expectations, choice, and praise, you can effectively teach them this crucial skill in a caring, compassionate way. The results will benefit them for life.
Tips for Developing Self-Discipline in Adults
Self-discipline is a learned skill that takes conscious effort to develop. As an adult, you have years of habits and behaviors already ingrained, so making a change will require patience and practice. Here are some tips to help strengthen your self-discipline.
Start small and build up slowly. Don’t try to overhaul your entire life at once. Pick one area, like waking up 30 minutes earlier or limiting social media to 30 minutes a day, and focus on that. Once that habit is established, add another goal. Small wins will keep you motivated for continued progress.
Plan and prepare. Think through situations that require self-discipline and make a plan for how you’ll respond. If you want to eat healthier, prepare meals in advance and keep snacks on hand. If you want to exercise more, pack your gym bag the night before. The more you prepare, the fewer temptations and excuses there will be.
Find accountability partners. Tell a friend or family member about your goals and check in with them regularly. Consider hiring a coach. Knowing someone else expects progress can help keep you on track. Offer to be an accountability partner for others in return.
Celebrate small wins. Reward yourself for achieving short-term goals to stay motivated for the long haul. Get a massage, watch a movie, or do another activity you enjoy. Continued self-discipline requires consistent motivation and reinforcement.
Learn to delay gratification. Teach yourself to resist instant rewards and pleasure in pursuit of bigger goals. The ability to delay gratification is key to self-discipline. Start with small delays, like waiting 5 minutes before responding to a text message or choosing an apple over a cookie for a snack. Your patience will grow with practice.
Developing self-discipline as an adult takes conscious effort and practice. But by building on small wins, planning ahead, finding accountability, and learning patience, you can strengthen your self-discipline over time and achieve goals that once seemed out of reach. The rewards of self-discipline—health, financial security, strong relationships, and inner peace—make the effort worthwhile.
Finding the Right Balance of Discipline in Today’s World
In today’s fast-paced world, finding the right balance of discipline can be challenging. On one hand, self-control and structure are important for success and wellbeing. On the other hand, being too rigid can limit creativity and prevent us from enjoying life. Striking a healthy balance requires wisdom and nuance. Here are some considerations for determining the right level of discipline for you:
Be flexible with yourself. While routine and habit have their place, allow for spontaneous joy and relaxation. Don’t beat yourself up for an occasional indulgence. Focus on consistency over perfection. Prioritize what’s most important. Discipline your time and energy around your core values and top priorities. Let less significant tasks go if needed. Guard against being a slave to every commitment.
Focus on progress, not perfection. Small steps forward are better than not starting at all. Celebrate progress and growth, even if you don’t achieve your ideal outcome right away. Discipline is a means, not an end.
Leave room for rest and rejuvenation. Pushing yourself too hard can lead to burnout. Schedule time for unwinding, hobbies and relationships. Rest and renewal fuel your motivation and productivity in the long run.
Value balance over extremes. Neither total lack of discipline nor excessive rigidity is sustainable. Aim for a “good enough” balance that supports your wellbeing and goals. Course correct as needed over time.
With patience, self-compassion and a growth mindset, you can find the right level of discipline to enhance, not dominate, your life. Focus on progress over perfection as you experiment and adjust your approach going forward.
References
- The Psychology Of Self-Discipline: Understanding Your Mind by The Self Help Library
- Where Does Self-Discipline Come From? February 15, 2012
- Self-Responsibility: Transformations, by Robert Maier https://doi.org/10.1177/0002764218816802
Let’s boost your self-growth with Believe in Mind.
Interested in self-reflection tips, learning hacks, and knowing ways to calm down your mind? We offer you the best content which you have been looking for.