Hey there, friends! I don’t know about you, but I’ve definitely got some toxic traits that pop up from time to time. We all have our moments where we act petty, jealous, manipulative, or just plain nasty. As much as we’d like to pretend we’re perfect angels, the truth is that we’ve all got a little toxicity inside us.
In this post, I’m getting real and sharing four of the toxic traits I struggle with the most. Through personal stories and examples, I’m going to get vulnerable and identify those not-so-pretty parts of myself. My hope is that in sharing my journey, you’ll feel empowered to explore your own inner toxicity. There’s freedom in acknowledging our flaws! So let’s get to it and uncover those toxic traits we all can relate to.
Table of Contents
Defining Toxic Traits and Why Self-Awareness Matters
Before we dive into specific examples of toxic traits, let’s take a moment to define what exactly we mean by “toxic.” In this context, I’m using the term to refer to negative behaviors, attitudes, and thought patterns that can harm ourselves and our relationships with others. Toxic traits are those that breed negativity, destruction, and dysfunction. While we all possess toxic traits to some degree, the key is cultivating self-awareness around them and choosing healthier alternatives.
Change begins with acknowledging our issues and working to transform them from the inside out. With awareness, empathy and a growth mindset, we can slowly but surely replace toxicity with more positive ways of being. So as we explore the examples below, approach them with compassion for yourself and others. Toxicity doesn’t define our whole being – it’s simply one part we have the power to change.
Lack of empathy. Do you have trouble seeing things from other people’s perspectives? Empathy is a crucial skill that allows us to build meaningful relationships. Without it, we can come across as uncaring or indifferent to others.
Negative self-talk. That little voice inside your head can be your worst enemy. If you criticize yourself constantly, put yourself down, and doubt your abilities, you’re engaging in toxic self-talk. This habit tears down your self-esteem and self-worth over time.
Difficulty compromising. In life, we can’t always get our way. If you have trouble meeting others halfway or struggle to find common ground, you may have an issue with compromise. Compromise is essential for healthy relationships and teamwork. Rigidity and unwillingness to negotiate lead to conflict.
Demanding perfectionism. Do you have impossibly high standards for yourself and others? Perfectionism seems like a virtue, but taken to an extreme, it can be toxic. It leads to chronic stress, burnout, and the inability to enjoy life’s imperfect moments. Learn to accept yourself as you are—flaws and shortcomings included.
Self-awareness is the first step to overcoming toxic traits. Recognizing harmful habits and behaviors in yourself allows you to make a conscious effort to change. It won’t happen overnight, but with practice and patience you can transform those toxic traits into more positive ones. Ultimately, it’s about learning to accept yourself while also striving to become the best version of yourself.
Toxic Traits in Yourself Examples
Toxic traits often manifest as behaviors that can negatively impact relationships and personal well-being. Examples include consistent patterns of manipulation, hostility, selfishness, and a lack of empathy. Understanding and addressing these behaviors can lead to healthier interactions and improved self-awareness. It’s important to remember that change is possible, and identifying these traits is the first step in the process of self-improvement.
1. Do You Criticize Others? How to Turn Judgment Into Understanding

If I’m being honest, I can be pretty judgmental at times. It’s easy for me to criticize how someone dresses, the way they parent their kids, or their lifestyle choices. But over time, I’ve realized that judging others usually says more about me than the people I’m judging.
Recognizing My Inner Critic: The first step was recognizing that I had an inner critic who loved to pass judgment. Often, criticism came from a place of insecurity in myself. By putting others down, I could feel better in comparison. But deep down, it didn’t solve the root issue.
Trying to Understand Different Perspectives: Once I was aware of my judgmental tendencies, I started trying to understand other people’s perspectives. For example, instead of criticizing a mom for giving her kid too much screen time, I considered that she may be doing her best as a single working parent. Rather than judging a friend’s wardrobe, I remembered that we all have different tastes and budgets. By being more empathetic, my criticism faded.
Focusing on My Own Flaws First: Finally, I learned that it’s best to focus on improving myself rather than others. No one is perfect, and I have plenty of flaws of my own to work on. When I start to judge someone else, I redirect that judgment inward. Instead of critiquing how they spend money, I examine my own spending habits. Rather than attacking their parenting, I consider how I can be a better role model. This approach has made me much less critical and more compassionate.
In the end, we all have room for growth. But by recognizing my inner judge, trying to understand different perspectives, and focusing on self-improvement, I’ve gotten better at showing others the kindness and empathy I’d like to receive myself.
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2. Trouble Apologizing? The Value of Owning Your Mistakes
I’ll admit, apologizing has never been my strong suit. As a kid, saying “sorry” seemed like a sign of weakness, and as I got older, my ego prevented me from admitting when I was wrong. But over time, I’ve come to realize that the ability to sincerely apologize is a valuable skill.
Owning up to your mistakes and taking responsibility for your actions shows maturity and builds trust in your relationships. When you can admit you were wrong, have a genuine conversation about it, and commit to doing better next time, you open the door to forgiveness and strengthen your connection. On the other hand, refusing to apologize or making excuses erodes intimacy and breeds resentment.
For me, the hardest part is getting over myself. I have to push aside my pride, take a honest look at the situation, and recognize how my behavior impacted the other person. Once I’ve accepted responsibility, the actual apology comes more easily. I’ve found it helps to be specific about what I’m apologizing for, speak with empathy, and assure the person I value them and our relationship.
Apologizing also provides an opportunity for growth. By reflecting on your mistakes, you gain perspective and wisdom for how to handle similar situations better in the future. You realize everyone slips up sometimes-what matters most is how you respond afterwards. Making things right, even when it’s difficult, builds inner strength and integrity.
Admitting you were wrong and saying sorry may never feel completely natural to me. But becoming someone who can offer a heartfelt apology when needed is a life skill I continue to work on. The rewards of healthier relationships and personal growth make the effort worthwhile. Owning your mistakes and making amends-that is the true measure of character.
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3. Negativity Bias: How to Rewire Your Brain to See the Positive

Our brains are wired to focus on the negative. It’s a survival mechanism that helped our ancestors avoid danger. The problem is, in today’s world this “negativity bias causes constant anxiety and prevents us from appreciating life’s beauty.
Personally, I’ve struggled with negative thoughts for as long as I can remember. Little inconveniences would frustrate me, and I always feared the worst-case scenario. Over time, I realized this tendency was making me unhappy and even impacting my health and relationships. I knew I had to make a change.
Challenge Negative Assumptions: The first step was identifying negative thoughts and challenging them. For example, if I thought, “I’ll never finish this project on time,” I’d force myself to consider more positive outcomes, like: “If I make a schedule and get help, I can do this.” Over time, looking for the bright side became a habit.
Practice Gratitude: Gratitude is a powerful way to shift your mindset. I started writing down three things I was grateful for each day. It could be simple things like enjoying the sunrise or laughing with friends. Focusing on life’s blessings reduced negative rumination.
Limit Negative Influences: I also limited exposure to negativity by avoiding violent TV shows, depressing news coverage, and toxic social media. Surrounding myself with positive people who inspired and supported me was key. Their optimism and encouragement helped strengthen my own.
Rewiring your brain takes conscious effort and practice. But overcoming negativity bias is one of the most rewarding things I’ve ever done. I’m now much better at appreciating life’s beauty and focusing on what really matters—the relationships and simple pleasures that make each day a gift. Give it a try, and you’ll be well on your way to overcoming your inner negative traits too.
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4. The Blame Game: Take Responsibility Instead of Playing Victim
If I’m being honest, I have a tendency to blame others when things go wrong instead of taking responsibility for my actions. It’s so much easier to point the finger at someone else than admit I messed. up, right? But playing the victim is a toxic trait that prevents growth and causes unnecessary drama.
Stop Making Excuses: Excuses come so naturally to me that I don’t even realize I’m making them half the time. My coworker didn’t get me the files I needed, so that’s why I missed the deadline. My friend was late to meet me, that’s why I was late to the party. Traffic was horrible, that’s why I was two hours late to the meeting. The truth is, there are always obstacles we face, but I need to stop using them as a crutch and take ownership of my mistakes. Making excuses is a way for me to avoid accountability.
Apologize Sincerely: When I do take responsibility for my actions, I need to apologize sincerely. Saying “I’m sorry you feel that way,” is not an apology. A sincere apology expresses regret for my actions, accepts responsibility for the mistake, and commits to doing better next time. Apologizing to others, even when it’s hard, is the mature and respectful thing to do.
Learn and Grow: The only way I can break out of this toxic pattern is through self-awareness and a desire to change. I have to reflect on situations where I blamed others unfairly and see how I can improve next time. When I make a mistake, I should look at it as an opportunity to learn. Ask myself, how can I handle this differently next time? Taking ownership of my flaws and shortcomings is the first step to overcoming them. Playing the blame game will only hold me back from growth. It’s time to take responsibility for my life and stop acting the victim.
5. Envy and Comparison: How to Be Content With Yourself

We all struggle with envy and comparison at some point. Social media certainly doesn’t help, with curated images of everyone else’s glamorous lives. But the truth is, most people only post the highlights. They don’t share their struggles, hard times, or imperfections.
When I start to feel envious of others, I have to remind myself of this. Those people I envy are real people too, with ups and downs, good days and bad. Their lives aren’t as perfect as they seem on the surface. Focusing inward, I try to appreciate what I have my health, friends and family who love me, simple pleasures like a cup of coffee or listening to music. ###Be Grateful for What You Have
Cultivating an attitude of gratitude helps combat feelings of envy or lack. Make a habit of appreciating simple pleasures, and express thanks for what you have. It may feel forced at first, but with practice it can become second nature.
Celebrate Other People’s Wins
Instead of feeling envious when others succeed or achieve milestones, try celebrating their wins. Send a genuine message congratulating them. Their success doesn’t diminish you in any way. There is enough abundance in the world for everyone.
Stop Comparing Yourself to Others
Comparison is the thief of joy. No two people have the exact same journey in life. Your path is uniquely your own. Focus on your own growth and progress rather than measuring yourself against what others are doing. Define success on your own terms.
Learning to overcome envy and comparison is a lifelong process. But with conscious effort and practice, you can overcome toxic traits and learn to appreciate yourself for who you are- imperfections and all. The journey to self-acceptance and contentment starts from within.
6. Perfectionism Paralysis: Overcoming Fear of Failure
Perfectionism is my toxic trait that often leaves me paralyzed. I struggle with the fear of not being good enough, so I have a hard time starting or finishing projects. My desire to do things flawlessly holds me back from progress.
Over the years, I’ve learned that done is better than perfect. As a recovering perfectionist, I’ve had to teach myself that progress, not perfection, is what really matters. When I start to feel stuck in perfectionism paralysis, here are a few things I do to overcome my fear of failure:
Focus on progress, not perfection. Remind yourself that any progress is better than none. Start working, even if you only spend 15-30 minutes on a task. Momentum builds from there.
Start imperfectly. Give yourself permission to start in an imperfect, messy way. Your first draft doesn’t have to be a masterpiece. Once you have something down on the page or started, you can go back and improve it. But you have to start.
Celebrate small wins. Don’t wait until the end to celebrate. Congratulate yourself for beginning and for every small milestone along the way. This positive reinforcement will motivate you to continue progressing.
Learn from your mistakes. Failure and imperfections are inevitable. When you make a mistake, use it as an opportunity to learn and grow. Ask yourself what you can improve for next time. Then, move on-don’t dwell on it.
The truth is, no one is perfect. As a perfectionist, I have to remind myself of this every day. But by starting imperfectly, focusing on progress, and learning from my mistakes, I’m overcoming perfectionism paralysis and fear of failure one imperfect step at a time.
7. Controlling Behaviors: How to Respect Others’ Autonomy

Controlling behaviors are toxic traits that many of us exhibit without realizing it. I know I’ve been guilty of trying to control situations or steer conversations in the direction I want them to go. It’s a hard habit to break! The first step is awareness – noticing when you have the urge to impose your will on others or micromanage them.
Once you recognize the signs in yourself, you can start to curb those controlling instincts. For me, it helps to pause and remind myself that other people have a right to their own opinions and ways of doing things. I try to step back and give others more autonomy in making decisions or completing tasks their own way. It’s not always easy, but over time I’ve gotten better at it.
Part of overcoming controlling behaviors is learning to tolerate uncertainty and imperfections. I used to want to orchestrate how everything would unfold and get anxious if plans changed or things didn’t go exactly as I envisioned. Now I try to adopt a more flexible mindset. I ask myself questions like: “What’s the worst that could happen if I’m not in total control here?” Usually the answer is “not much” and I can feel my anxiety start to decrease.
Controlling behaviors often come from a place of insecurity or a need to feel valued. I’ve found that when I feel good about myself and confident in my own abilities, I don’t feel as strong of an urge to control situations or try to overly influence what others do. Taking care of yourself through self-care, positive self-talk and pursuing your own interests can help alleviate controlling behaviors.
The more you practice stepping back and giving others autonomy, the easier it gets. But it’s still a work in progress for me. Controlling behaviors are deeply ingrained for many of us, so be patient with yourself and keep trying. With regular effort and perseverance, you can overcome this toxic trait and build healthier, more balanced relationships.
How Can I Identify and Overcome My Own Toxic Traits?
To overcome toxic traits within myself, I first have to identify what they are. Here are a few I’ve noticed in myself that many of us can probably relate to:
Jealousy and envy. Do I get jealous when I see friends and family succeeding or getting opportunities I wish I had? Jealousy poisons relationships and holds me back from being happy for others. I have to consciously work to be grateful for what I have instead of coveting what others have achieved.
Cynicism and negativity. Am I overly critical or pessimistic? Do I tend to see the worst in people and situations? Cynicism creates a bleak outlook and prevents me from experiencing joy and wonder. I try to challenge negative thoughts and reframe them into more constructive ones. Looking for small positives each day helps shift my mindset to a more optimistic one.
Self-centeredness. Do I make everything about me and my problems? Am I more focused on myself than genuinely interested in others? Self-centeredness isolates me and makes relationships superficial. I aim to listen more, ask others questions about themselves, and do small acts of kindness each day to move the focus off myself.
Passive aggression. Do I express anger in indirect, subtle ways rather than addressing issues respectfully and directly? Passive aggression damages trust and communication. I work to identify when I’m avoiding direct communication, then make the effort to address issues and concerns openly and constructively. It’s not easy, but it’s the only way to have healthy relationships.
The first step is self-awareness. We all have toxic traits to some degree, but we can overcome them by acknowledging them, challenging related thoughts and behaviors, and making continuous effort to strengthen our positive qualities instead. It’s a journey, not a destination. With regular practice of empathy, gratitude, and mindfulness, I can overcome my toxic traits and become my best self.
Conclusion
So there you have it—a few examples of the not-so-great traits we all have lurking inside. I don’t know about you, but writing this was like looking in a mirror—ouch! But being real with ourselves is the only way we can work on self-improvement. We’re all human. The key is catching those toxic behaviors before they hurt ourselves or others, then making an effort to change. I’m still working on a few myself. How about you? Did you recognize any of your own inner toxins in this article? Thinking about it is the first step. Drop a comment below on the traits you want to improve. We’re in this together!
References
- 10 Things To Stop Doing Today to Be Happier, Backed by Science Nov 12, 2013 by James Clear
- What Is the Blame Game? By Sanjana Gupta Updated on January 08, 2024
- The Neuroscience of Happiness: Rewiring Your Brain for a More Positive Outlook By Ben Ahrens, HHP Updated on February 13, 2024
- A changing mindset: Turning judgement into understanding by Chelsy Ranard November 9, 2018

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