Hey there! I don’t know about you, but I’m a naturally optimistic person. I like to look on the bright side of life and focus on the positives. But lately I’ve been wondering – can too much positivity actually be a bad thing? That’s right, there’s such a thing as toxic positivity. In this post, I’m going to talk about what toxic positivity is, how to recognize it, and most importantly, how to avoid falling into its trap.
Toxic positivity is when you force yourself or others to suppress any negative emotions or only see the world through rose-colored glasses. While it’s good to be positive, completely denying reality can backfire. I share some tips I’ve learned for keeping an upbeat attitude without crossing over into unhealthy territory. If you’re feeling like you need to put on a happy face 24/7, you’ll want to read this list!
Table of Contents
How Toxic Positivity Can Harm You and Others Around You
When positivity becomes excessive and problematic, it can lead to harmful consequences for you and those around you. Toxic positivity makes it difficult to process negative emotions in a healthy way. Here are some ways toxic positivity can impact you:
- It invalidates people’s struggles. When you insist that everything is fine and positive all the time, it minimizes the real challenges others face. This prevents people from getting the support they need.
- It discourages open communication. If negative feelings are seen as unacceptable, people learn not to express their full range of emotions. This can damage relationships and foster resentment.
- It creates unrealistic expectations. Toxic positivity sets an unattainable bar of constant happiness that few can realistically achieve. This leads to feelings of inadequacy and guilt over “negative” thoughts.
- It prevents growth. Facing and working through difficulties is how we develop resilience and coping skills. Toxic positivity avoids the hard work of processing negative emotions that promote growth.
- It suppresses real emotions. When someone tells you to “just be positive” or “look on the bright side” in the face of difficulty, it invalidates your true emotions. Forcing positivity when you’re really feeling upset or frustrated is emotionally unhealthy and can lead to feelings of isolation or like you’re not “allowed” to express your authentic self.
- It leads to unrealistic expectations. Toxic positivity promotes the idea that you should be happy all the time. But no one can or should be positive 24/7. Life has ups and downs, and it’s unrealistic to expect yourself to always maintain an optimistic attitude, especially when dealing with stressful or upsetting situations. This unrealistic expectation often leads to feelings of failure or like you’re not good enough when you can’t meet it.
- It discourages meaningful connections. Well, when you feel compelled to project constant positivity, it can be hard to form deep, authentic connections with others. Meaningful relationships are built on vulnerability, honesty and sharing both the good and bad parts of life. If you’re afraid to open up about your struggles for fear of being seen as “negative,” you rob yourself and others of the opportunity to provide support.
Instead of toxic positivity, aim for compassion and balance. It’s okay to acknowledge difficulties while also focusing on solutions and positives. Check in regularly with how you and others are truly feeling to foster openness and connection. With a more balanced outlook, you can maintain optimism while validating the full human experience.
While maintaining an optimistic outlook has its benefits, toxic positivity should be avoided. It’s perfectly okay to feel sad, frustrated or upset at times. Expressing the full range of human emotions, both positive and negative, is necessary for wellbeing and healthy relationships. The key is to practice self-compassion, accept both the ups and the downs, and allow yourself to be real.
The Dangers of Suppressing “Negative” Emotions
As much as I try to maintain an optimistic outlook, I know that sometimes negative emotions come up, and it’s unhealthy to ignore them. Pushing away feelings like sadness, anger or anxiety can do more harm than good.
When I was younger, I was taught that being positive was the most important thing. So whenever worries, self-doubts or frustrations arose, I tried to shove them away. But those feelings didn’t disappear; they built up and often spilled out in unhealthy ways.
Now I know that all emotions have a purpose. Negative feelings alert me to issues I need to address or boundaries that have been crossed. If I suppress them, I lose that opportunity for insight and growth.
Avoiding negative emotions also prevents me from developing resilience. Dealing with difficulties and setbacks in a constructive way helps me build strength for the future. Pushing them away stunts that growth and makes future struggles even harder to face.
Rather than labeling emotions as “positive” or “negative,” I try to accept them all with compassion. Each one has something to teach me. When worries, anger or sadness arise, I listen to the messages they bring and care for myself. I share my feelings with trusted others, reflect on their source and look for healthy ways of responding.
While positivity has its place, a full and balanced emotional life is what allows me to live freely, understand myself better and connect more deeply with others. Suppressing any emotion, even those labeled “negative,” only creates barriers to well-being and growth.
How to Avoid Toxic Positivity
Recognizing and embracingthe fact that negative emotions are a natural part of the human experience is essential to avoiding poisonous optimism. It’s critical to realize that experiencing a range of emotions is normal and essential for emotional wellness, and that it’s acceptable to not feel okay. Reframing ideas to allow for a realistic perspective on life’s ups and downs, obtaining assistance from reliable people who affirm your experiences, and recognizing your feelings without passing judgment are some strategies to prevent toxic optimism.
1. Setting Realistic Expectations for Yourself and Others
To avoid toxic positivity in my life, I’ve had to learn how to set realistic expectations for myself and those around me. As an optimistic person, I used to just assume that everything would work out perfectly if I stayed positive. The problem was, life doesn’t always go as planned.
When I started a new business a few years ago, I went in with unrealistic expectations. I told myself (and others) that it would be an overnight success. When things didn’t take off right away, I started to feel like a failure. My unrealistic expectations led to feelings of inadequacy and self-doubt.
Focus on progress, not perfection. Now I focus on progress, not perfection. I set smaller, achievable goals and celebrate the wins along the way. If I have a setback, I don’t beat myself up over it. I look for the lessons and then get back to moving forward. Having realistic expectations means understanding that there will be ups and downs while maintaining a growth mindset.
Give myself grace. I’ve also learned to give myself grace. I accept that I’m human, and I’m going to make mistakes. When I fail or don’t meet my own expectations, I talk to myself with compassion. I ask myself what I can learn and how I can improve next time. Having realistic expectations means not being too hard on myself when life doesn’t go as planned.
Extend grace to others. Finally, setting realistic expectations means offering grace to others as well. I can’t expect friends and family to be perfect, either. People will let me down at times, not because they want to but because they’re human. Choosing to focus on their positive intent and all the good in our relationship helps me avoid resentment and stay in a place of empathy.
To avoid toxic positivity, setting realistic expectations has been key. I’m learning to go easy on myself and offer the same compassion to those around me. Progress, not perfection is my mantra. And when life doesn’t go as expected, I look for the lessons and opportunities to grow. That’s the balanced and healthy approach I aim for.
2. Allowing Yourself to Feel All Emotions
To avoid toxic positivity, it’s important to allow yourself to feel the full range of human emotions. I used to think that if I wasn’t happy, I was failing somehow. But life has ups and downs, and experiencing sadness, anger, and frustration is normal.
Pushing away “negative” emotions and only focusing on being positive is unrealistic and unhealthy. When I’m going through a hard time, I try to accept however I’m feeling instead of beating myself up over it. I let myself cry if I need to, talk to others about my struggles, and avoid bottling up difficult emotions.
Don’t force positivity. Forcing positivity when you’re not actually feeling positive is a form of emotional repression that will only make you feel worse in the long run. It’s okay to not be okay. I give myself permission to feel angry, sad or frustrated without judgment. I don’t have to change how I feel just to make others comfortable.
Make Space for All Emotions. Rather than labeling emotions as “positive” or “negative,” I try to see them as a natural part of being human. Creating space within myself to feel the full range of emotions has been liberating and has made me a more authentic person. I embrace life’s ups and downs, giving myself compassion through all of it.
To avoid toxic positivity in your own life, tune into your emotions without judgment. Give yourself permission to feel however you feel, and embrace life’s challenges and struggles as well as its joys. Your mental health will thank you.
3. Cultivating Genuine Positivity and Optimism
I’ve found that the healthiest mindset is one of genuine optimism and positivity. This means focusing on the bright side of things in a realistic way, rather than forcing an overly cheerful attitude. Here are a few tips to help cultivate an optimistic yet authentic outlook:
Practice gratitude. I try to start each day by listing a few things I’m grateful for. It could be simple pleasures like a hot cup of coffee, laughter with friends, or a sunny day. Taking time to appreciate life’s little moments helps shift my mindset to one of hope and abundance.
Accept imperfections. Nobody’s life is perfect, including mine. I do my best to accept life’s imperfections and setbacks with grace. When things don’t go as planned, I try not to beat myself up over it. Mistakes and failures are inevitable parts of life, so I aim to learn from them rather than dwell on them. This helps me maintain a balanced and realistic perspective.
Surround yourself with positive people. The people I spend the most time with have a huge impact on my outlook and mood. I try to cultivate friendships with people who share my optimistic and encouraging spirit. Their positivity helps lift me up and keeps me moving in a positive direction. At the same time, I try to limit interactions with excessively negative people when I can. Their pessimism can bring me down if I’m exposed to it too frequently.
Take care of yourself. Taking good care of myself is key to feeling genuinely positive and optimistic. I try to maintain a healthy diet, get enough sleep, exercise regularly, and limit unhealthy habits. When I feel good physically and mentally, I find that optimism and hope come much more naturally. It’s hard to feel positive when I’m run down, tired, or unhealthy. Maintaining self-care helps create the ideal conditions for an optimistic mindset to thrive.
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4. Finding a Healthy Balance of Emotions
To avoid toxic positivity, it’s important to allow yourself to experience a full range of emotions. While positive thinking has its benefits, suppressing negative feelings is unhealthy. I try to find a balance where I can maintain an optimistic outlook, but also honor what I’m truly feeling.
Don’t judge your emotions. When a painful emotion arises, I try not to label it as “bad” or judge myself for feeling that way. Emotions are a natural human experience, so I accept them with compassion. I find that when I stop fighting my feelings, they often pass more quickly.
Share how you feel. I’ve found it helpful to open up to people I trust about what I’m going through. Talking about difficulties can be cathartic and help me gain a more balanced perspective. My close friends and family also appreciate knowing how I truly feel so they can offer their support. However, be wary of sharing in a way that reinforces self-pity or spreads negativity. The healthiest approach is sharing from a place of seeking help and connection.
Practice Self-Care. Engaging in self-care helps me relieve stress and find an emotional equilibrium. Things like exercising, spending time in nature, reading, or pursuing a hobby give me an outlet to experience a range of emotions in a constructive way. When I make time for activities that replenish me, I have more bandwidth to handle challenges with a positive and balanced mindset.
Finding the right balance of positivity and emotional honesty is a journey. But by accepting the full spectrum of your feelings, connecting with your support network, and taking good care of yourself, you can avoid the pitfalls of toxic positivity. Staying in tune with your authentic emotions will lead to better wellbeing and stronger relationships.
5. When to Seek Help for Toxic Positivity
When positivity becomes an unrealistic expectation that causes harm, it’s time to make a change. If you find yourself in a toxic positivity loop, speak up and seek help from people you trust.
I used to work with a boss who epitomized toxic positivity. Every time I tried to bring up a legitimate concern about a work process or client issue, she’d shut me down with a chipper, “Don’t worry, it will all work out!” Her insistence that “everything happens for a reason” and I should “look on the bright side” made me feel like I couldn’t voice my real worries without being judged as negative. Over time, bottling up anxieties and plastering on a fake smile became exhausting. I realized that if I didn’t make a change, the toxicity would seriously damage my mental health and motivation.
If you see yourself in this story, take action. Talk to HR, a counselor, or even close friends and family. Explain how the constant pressure to be positive is causing stress and affecting your wellbeing. Don’t be afraid to be honest in a constructive way. Help others understand that you value optimism, you just want realistic discussions of challenges and the space to feel upset when needed. Seeking help to establish healthy boundaries and build understanding can help transform a toxic environment into one where authentic positivity can thrive.
You don’t have to go through this alone. Speaking up about unhealthy behaviors and dynamics is how we make positive change. Don’t ignore the voice inside telling you that something feels off. Listen to yourself, then take brave steps toward a happier, healthier environment where your whole self is welcomed.
When positivity becomes toxic, help and honesty are the best remedies.
Alternatives to Toxic Positivity Thinking
Rather than forcing positivity, try more constructive ways of thinking that acknowledge difficulties but focus on growth and solutions. Here are some alternatives I’ve found helpful:
I practice mindful gratitude. Each day, I note a few simple things I’m grateful for, like a warm cup of coffee or a kind word from a friend. This helps shift my mindset to appreciation without ignoring challenges.
I give myself permission to feel negative emotions. When I’m sad, angry or anxious, I accept these feelings rather than beating myself up over them. I find that the feelings often pass more quickly if I’m gentle with myself.
Sometimes a situation just sucks, and that’s okay. I tell myself “this is hard right now, and I’m going to get through it.” Validating the difficulty makes me feel less alone and helps me move forward in a more balanced way.
I focus on progress, not perfection. No one is positive all the time, so I aim for gradual improvement rather than some unrealistic standard of constant cheer. As long as I’m moving in a positive direction, I count that as a win.
When times are tough, I lean into my support network. Calling a friend or family member helps me gain perspective and feel less overwhelmed. Letting others support me is a gift I can give both them and myself.
Toxic positivity implies there’s something wrong with feeling negative emotions. But the truth is, they’re a normal part of life. By acknowledging difficulties, validating painful feelings, and focusing on progress over perfection, we can cultivate a more constructive and compassionate mindset. This allows us to move forward in a balanced, hopeful way.
How to Avoid Using Toxic Positivity on Others
I try my best to be an optimist, but sometimes positivity can be taken too far. When I’m going through something difficult, the last thing I want to hear is “Just stay positive!” or “good vibes only!”. Forcing positivity on someone when they’re struggling can make them feel like their feelings are invalid or that they just need to “get over it”.
Instead of toxic positivity, offer empathy and support. Say things like, “I’m here for you if you want to talk about it.” Let people feel their feelings; don’t try to force them to be happy just to make yourself more comfortable. Bottling up emotions usually makes the situation worse in the long run.
Give people space if they need it. Sometimes when I’m upset, I just want to be alone. Don’t take it personally – just let them know you’re there for them when they’re ready. Bombarding someone with calls and messages when they ask for space will likely irritate them further.
Avoid platitudes and clichés. Telling someone “everything happens for a reason” or “time heals all wounds” is not actually helpful. These phrases can make people feel like you’re dismissing their pain or struggle.
Listen without judgment. Let people talk through their feelings without interruption or criticism. Say things like “I’m listening” or ask open-ended questions to make sure you understand the full situation before offering advice. Repeating what they said back to them can help ensure you comprehend their perspective accurately.
Offer specific ways you can help. Rather than a vague “let me know if there’s anything I can do”, suggest concrete actions you’re willing to take. Things like bringing them a meal, helping out with chores or errands, or just spending time together can make a difference. But only help in the ways they feel comfortable accepting.
Toxic positivity does more harm than good. True support means meeting people where they are – even if that’s in a negative space. With empathy, understanding and compassion, we can help others work through difficult times in a healthy way.
Conclusion
So there you have it – my top tips for avoiding toxic positivity without becoming a total downer. The key is finding a healthy balance between seeing the bright side while still acknowledging that it’s okay not to be okay sometimes. Life can be messy and complicated. But with the right mindset and a little self- compassion, we can take on life’s challenges while still appreciating the good stuff. The goal isn’t constant happiness – it’s learning resilience. And resilience comes from radical self-acceptance, not forced cheerfulness. So pat yourself on the back for getting through another day, then get out there and give ’em hell tomorrow. You’ve got this!
References
- Why suppressing emotions can be bad for your health
- What to Know About Repressed Emotions February 25, 2024 Written by WebMD Editorial Contributors
- Prioritizing Positivity: An Effective Approach to Pursuing Happiness? BY Lahnna I. Catalino, Sara B. Algoe, and Barbara L. Fredrickson. Published in final edited form as: Emotion. 2014 Dec; 14(6): 1155–1161.doi: 10.1037/a0038029 2017 Jul 28.
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