Hey there, ever feel like people aren’t always showing their true colors? You’re not alone. We all put forth an image we want others to see, but sometimes it goes too far into fake territory. Join me on an authentic quest to uncover why people portray manufactured versions of themselves. In this post, we’ll explore some psychological reasons folks tend to be phony, look at ways social media fuels fakeness, and discuss how we can encourage more realness from ourselves and our friends. So let’s get real and dig into why people seem so fake these days! Now excuse me while I grab my soapbox…
Table of Contents
What Does It Mean to Be “Fake”?
Being “fake” means presenting yourself in an inauthentic way to others. People act fake for many reasons, but it usually comes down to:
- Low self-esteem. When you don’t feel good about yourself, it’s tempting to create an idealized image to show the world. But putting on an act prevents others from truly knowing and accepting you.
- Craving approval. Some people feel an intense need to be liked and admired. So they morph into whatever version of themselves they think will be most pleasing to those around them. It’s a never-ending cycle of seeking validation through deception.
- Lack of confidence. Those who lack confidence in their own abilities and talents may pretend to be something they’re not. They feel like their true self isn’t “enough,” so they manufacture a more impressive facade.
- Hiding insecurities. Everyone has insecurities, weaknesses, and vulnerabilities. “Fake” people conceal them behind a mask of perfection to avoid judgment or discomfort. But embracing your flaws and shortcomings leads to healthier relationships based on honesty and trust.
Being fake may seem like an easy way to navigate social interactions. But in the long run, it only creates distance between you and others. Authenticity is the only path to genuine connections and self-acceptance. So take off the mask and embrace who you are, flaws and all. Those worthy of your time will appreciate you for who you really are. And you’ll build true confidence from a place of sincerity, not pretension or image.
The decision to drop the act and be real can be scary. But it is worth it to live truthfully and forge meaningful bonds with people who love you for who you are- imperfections included. Choose to be real. Choose to be true to yourself.
Why are People so Fake
People are so fake for various reasons, and it’s a phenomenon that seems to be on the rise. People are so fake because they have different motives for their behavior, such as the need for acceptance or approval from others, self-preservation or protection from criticism, insecurity or lack of self-confidence, personal gain or manipulation, social media influence or image crafting, materialism or greed, and so on. These motives often stem from underlying issues such as trauma, shame, fear, or dissatisfaction with their lives.
Fake people may also come from cultures that value conformity over authenticity or have skewed perceptions of reality or themselves. Fake behavior can be harmful to both the person and those around them, as it prevents genuine connections and trust.
1. The Desire to fit in and Be Liked
As social creatures, humans have an innate need to connect with others. Unfortunately, this can drive some people to change their behavior in disingenuous ways just to gain acceptance or approval.
When we feel insecure in our relationships or sense of belonging, the desire to fit in becomes stronger. Some people will say or do whatever they think will make others like them, rather than being authentic. They may laugh at jokes they don’t find funny, pretend to enjoy activities they dislike, or even share opinions that aren’t their own. All in the hopes of coming across as likable.
This chameleon-like behavior is a hallmark of phoniness. The person is more focused on managing appearances and perceptions than on genuine connections. Over time, living this way can become exhausting and emotionally damaging. It prevents true intimacy from developing in relationships since others don’t know the real you.
Deep down, we all want to feel valued and accepted for who we are- quirks, flaws, and all. But instead of embracing their true self, some choose the temporary relief of pleasing others through insincerity. They live in fear of judgment, rejection or not being good enough if they were authentic.
The desire to fit in is human, but it need not involve fakeness. Surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, flaws and all. Accept that you cannot control how others view you, only how you view yourself. Learn to value your own opinions and needs. When you are secure in yourself, the facade of phoniness drops away – and real, meaningful connections can form.
Let go of the need to please everyone all the time. Be selective in who you allow into your life. Choose to spend less time with those who require you to be fake for their approval. The freedom of authenticity is well worth it.
2. Insecurity and the Need to Impress Others
Many people act fake or put on an act around others due to feelings of insecurity and a strong desire to impress them. When you lack confidence in yourself and worry excessively about what others think of you, it’s easy to fall into the trap of being disingenuous.
You may feel pressure to appear a certain way or achieve a level of success that you think will win people’s approval and admiration. The truth is, most people are so focused on themselves that they aren’t actually judging you as harshly as you imagine. However, insecurity breeds self-doubt, and in an effort to compensate, you portray yourself as someone you’re really not.
Some common ways people act fake due to insecurity include:
- Pretending to have knowledge or skills they don’t actually possess. They want to seem impressive and competent.
- Putting on an exaggerated positive and cheerful persona. They want to be liked by everyone and avoid showing any perceived weakness or vulnerability.
- Making empty promises or false claims about their achievements and accomplishments. They have a need to build themselves up to feel adequate and valuable.
- Name dropping and bragging about connections or access to resources they don’t actually have. They want to raise their social status in the eyes of others.
- Judging and gossiping about people behind their backs. Tearing others down makes them feel better about themselves in the moment, even if it’s not a genuine or ethical way to build self-esteem.
The only way to overcome insecurity and stop seeking validation through pretense is to accept yourself as you are. Focus on developing self-confidence through your own accomplishments and pursuits rather than worrying so much about gaining the approval of every single person you meet. Be authentic, and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. In the end, that will lead to much healthier and happier relationships.
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3. Fear of Showing Vulnerability
As social creatures, humans have an innate need to connect with others. However, many people struggle to build authentic relationships because they are afraid to show vulnerability. When you open up to others about your weaknesses, fears, and imperfections, it can feel risky. What if they judge you or use that information against you?
It’s normal to want to appear “perfect” in front of others. But putting up a facade and being fake ultimately stems from a fear of rejection – a worry that people won’t accept you for who you really are. The sad truth is, as long as you hide behind a mask, you’ll never find out who your real supporters are.
Some reasons people fake it:
- Low self-esteem. If you don’t love yourself, how can you expect others to? Focus on your strengths and accomplishments to build confidence from within.
- Fear of conflict. It’s easier to pretend everything’s okay than address issues. But avoiding hard conversations leads to resentment, hurt feelings, and damaged trust.
- Desire for approval. You change who you are to please people or fit in. But true connections come from being your authentic self.
The only way to overcome the fear of vulnerability is to embrace it. Start by:
- Sharing small details about yourself with people you trust. Talk about your hobbies, goals, values, etc.
- Admitting when you make a mistake. Saying “I was wrong” or “I don’t know” shows you’re human. People will respect your honesty.
- Letting your guard down. Reveal your quirks, weaknesses, and imperfections to close friends and family. Allow them to support you.
- Focusing on listening rather than judging. When others open up to you, offer empathy and understanding. This makes it more likely they’ll reciprocate.
Being vulnerable is a courageous act that fosters genuine relationships. While it may feel uncomfortable, the rewards of authentic human connection make it worth facing your fears. Drop the facade, learn to embrace the real you, and let others in.
4: Self-Absorption and Lack of Empathy
When people are self-absorbed and lack empathy, it’s hard for them to connect with others in an authentic way. They tend to be overly focused on themselves-their own desires, needs, and priorities-without considering how their words or actions might affect those around them.
- They usually dominate conversations by talking about themselves-their experiences, accomplishments, interests-without asking questions or expressing interest in learning more about you.
- They rarely do small things to show they care like asking how you’re doing or complimenting your achievements. Your good or bad news is quickly redirected back to them.
- They have trouble seeing things from other people’s perspectives. Your feelings or opinions don’t seem to matter much unless they align with what the self-absorbed person already belleves.
- They expect others to accommodate their needs and schedules without returning the favor. Your time and energy is not valued unless you’re doing something for them.
- They tend to lack emotional awareness and have trouble empathizing with the difficulties you may be facing. Your struggles or pain are overlooked unless directly pointed out, and even then, they may be minimized.
- They often make promises or commitments they can’t keep because they didn’t fully consider what was involved or how it might impact others who were depending on them. Your needs end up as an afterthought.
The truth is, we all exhibit these tendencies at times. But when self-absorption and a lack of empathy become habitual and ongoing behaviors, it erodes trust in relationships and creates distance. The remedy is developing self-awareness, learning better listening skills, thinking of others’ needs and feelings, and following through on commitments. With practice, people can strengthen their ability to establish meaningful connections. But ultimately, the desire and motivation to change must come from within.
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5. Dishonesty and Hidden Motives
Some people seem to be experts at putting on an act and hiding their true intentions. Unfortunately, dishonesty and ulterior motives are all too common. Here are a few reasons why people may not always be upfront:
Fear of judgment Many people have a hard time being vulnerable and sharing their struggles or unpopular opinions out of fear of how others might react or judge them. It’s easier to put on a mask and pretend everything is fine rather than risk harsh criticism or rejection.
Manipulation Sadly, some individuals are very skilled at manipulating others to get what they want. They may lie or hide their real goals in order to take advantage of people or gain power over them. These toxic people are experts at deception and should be avoided.
Low self-esteem Those with low self-worth may feel the need to impress others by being overly boastful or by hiding their perceived flaws and mistakes. They crave approval and validation, which drives them to be less than truthful about who they really are.
Lack of trust If someone has been betrayed or hurt in the past, they may have a hard time opening up and being vulnerable again. Instead, they hide their authentic self as a way to protect themselves from further pain. Building trust and learning to take social risks again can be a long process.
While the reasons for dishonesty and hidden intentions are complex, the effects can be damaging. The only way to build genuine relationships is through sincerity, honesty, and mutual understanding. Rather than judging others for their lack of transparency, try showing them empathy, acceptance, and a willingness to listen without condemnation. This can go a long way in helping people feel comfortable enough to let their guard down and allow their true selves to emerge.
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6. Social Media and Curating an Image
We live in an age of social media where many people cultivate a curated image of themselves. You can’t help but compare yourself to friends and influencers who seem to have picture- perfect lives. But the reality is, most people only post the highlights of their lives, not the messy behind-the-scenes.
Social media encourages people to seek validation and approval through likes, hearts, and comments. This desire for external validation and to portray an ideal image can drive people to be disingenuous or “Take.” Some common ways people do this include:
- Posting exaggerated or misleading photos to make their lives seem more glamorous and exciting. Using filters and strategic camera angles to alter their appearance.
- Sharing inspirational or life-changing stories that didn’t actually happen to them. Reposting viral stories as if they were their own for attention and likes.
- Cultivating an online persona that doesn’t match their true self. For example, someone acting like a fitness influencer but not actually that dedicated to exercise in real life.
- Posting vague or dramatic status updates hinting at personal struggles or life events without actually sharing any real details. Doing this just to gain sympathy and concern from friends.
The truth is, no one has a perfect life, and everyone faces challenges behind closed doors. But on social media, it’s easy to make comparisons and feel like your own life doesn’t measure up in comparison. The next time you find yourself feeling envious of someone’s social media image, remember that there’s always more to the story. Focus on living authentically and embrace imperfections; that’s what makes us human. Don’t get so caught up in gaining validation from others that you lose sight of what really matters: surrounding yourself with people who love and support you for who you are.
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7. The Stress of Keeping Up Appearances
These days, many of us feel pressure to maintain a certain image on social media and in real life. The desire to keep up appearances and be “taken” is often born out of anxiety and low self-esteem.
When you feel stressed about how others perceive you, it’s easy to get caught up in projecting an idealized version of yourself. You start filtering and editing to make your life seem more glamorous or curated than it really is. The problem is, no one’s life is perfect. We all face hardships, messiness, and imperfections.
Pretending otherwise requires a lot of effort and is emotionally taxing. Some signs you may be overly focused on keeping up appearances:
- You spend more time taking selfies and updating your social media than living in the present moment.
- You pass up opportunities to share your true feelings or opinions out of fear of judgment.
- You feel inadequate or like a “fraud” when you can’t maintain the mask of perfection.
- You have trouble forming deep, authentic connections with others.
The solution is learning to accept yourself as you are—flaws and all. Practice self-compassion and remember that everyone struggles at times. When you let go of unrealistic expectations of yourself, you’ll find deeper inner peace, and your relationships will become more genuine.
Rather than keeping up appearances, focus on self-improvement and surround yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. Learn to open up about difficulties you face and support others in doing the same. Dropping the act may feel vulnerable at first, but embracing your imperfections and owning your truth is profoundly liberating. Authenticity, not perfection, is the path to happiness.
How to Spot Fakeness and Protect Yourself
When people act fake towards you, it can be hard to detect. But there are a few signs to look out for to spot insincerity and protect yourself. Pay attention to inconsistencies in their words and actions. If someone says one thing but does another, that’s a red flag. For example, if they offer to help you with something but never follow through, they may not be genuine.
Notice if they often exaggerate or overshare personal stories to gain sympathy. People who are being real will share details about their lives to build connections, not manipulate you. See if they frequently gossip or put others down. Genuine people build others up, while fake people tear others down to make themselves feel better.
Trust your intuition. If something feels off about someone’s behavior or words, there may be an element of fakeness. Your instincts are usually right.
To protect yourself from fake people:
- Keep interactions superficial. Don’t share personal details or get emotionally invested in the relationship.
- Set clear boundaries. Be firm and direct in communicating your limits so they know where they stand.
- Spend less time with them. The less you engage with fake people, the less opportunity they have to negatively impact you.
- Focus on real relationships. Surround yourself with people who are authentic, honest and supportive. Their sincerity will help balance out the fakeness of others.
While you can’t control how fake people act, you can control your own reactions and who you give your time and energy to. By spotting the signs and establishing boundaries, you can minimize the influence of insincerity in your life. Ultimately, staying true to yourself and nurturing genuine connections will help keep you happy and protected.
When Fakeness Becomes Harmful
While putting on a polite facade or “mask” in social situations can be necessary at times, fakeness becomes harmful when it’s constant and insincere. If someone is repeatedly acting in a way that doesn’t align with their genuine thoughts or feelings, it can take a toll.
Some signs that fakeness has become harmful:
- You feel exhausted from pretending. Constantly monitoring your behavior and speech to appear a certain way is draining. It saps your emotional and mental energy.
- Your relationships lack depth. It’s hard to form truly meaningful connections with others when you’re not being authentic. People can sense when you’re not being genuine, even if they can’t quite put their finger on it.
- You struggle with anxiety and low self-esteem. Fakeness often stems from a desire to please others or fit in, usually due to underlying insecurity or a lack of self-acceptance. The anxiety of keeping up appearances further erodes your confidence over time.
- You have trouble identifying your own needs and desires. If you’re always molding yourself to what you think others want, you can lose touch with your authentic self. You may not even know what you really think, feel, or need anymore.
- Your values and priorities feel off. Constantly compromising your integrity to impress others, gain status or approval, or achieve “success” leads to a shallow and unfulfilling life. Your actions don’t align with what really matters to you.
The solution is to begin embracing authenticity and practicing self-acceptance. Be selective about when you put on a polite mask, and make sure the majority of the time you’re operating with genuineness and sincerity. Set boundaries, and don’t be afraid to voice your real thoughts. Reconnect with your true self, values and priorities to build your confidence from the inside out. With time and conscious effort, you can overcome harmful fakeness and nurture authentic relationships and a life aligned with what really matters.
Final Thought: Finding Genuine Connections in a Superficial World
In today’s world of curated social media profiles and superficial interactions, finding real, meaningful connections can be challenging. However, with some effort and awareness, you can develop genuine relationships.
Focus on listening. Put your phone away, make eye contact, and listen to understand rather than just reply. Ask follow up questions and show interest in learning more about the other person. Listening demonstrates you value them and the conversation.
- Spend less time posting on social media and more time engaging in face-to-face interactions. Social media gives the illusion of connection while often lacking depth or authenticity. Meet with friends and family in person instead.
- Look for shared interests and values. The strongest relationships are built on common ground and understanding. Pursue new hobbies or join local organizations to find like-minded people. Don’t be afraid to open up about the things that really matter to you.
- Be vulnerable and share details of your life. Genuine relationships require openness, honesty and vulnerability from both sides. Talk about your struggles, fears, hopes and dreams. Ask others what they care about and what inspires or motivates them.
- Accept people as they are. Rather than judging others for perceived flaws or weaknesses, show them compassion and kindness. No one is perfect, so look for the good in people and appreciate them for who they are.
Building real connections takes time and effort but the rewards of rich, meaningful relationships make it worthwhile. While technology will likely continue advancing, human interaction and bonding will always remain most genuinely human. Make the choice to pursue authentic relationships and connections in your life.
References
- People who try too hard to impress others usually have these 14 insecurities by Adrian Volenik
- Wanting to Be Liked Is Not the Same as Needing to Be Liked By Nancy Lovering
- Who are you, really? The puzzle of personality | Brian Little | TED
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