It’s not easy to stop being selfish in a relationship. You have to be willing to change, and you have to be willing to put your partner’s needs first. If you’re not willing or able, then don’t try.

It can be tempting when you feel like no one else is meeting your needs but remember: if they weren’t putting their own needs first before yours, there would be no point in trying this out anyway.

If you’re in a relationship, chances are that you’ve been with your partner for a while. And if so, then you know how difficult it can be to keep things fresh and exciting.

Sometimes it’s very easy to get stuck in routines that can make your relationship bland. So how to stop being selfish in a relationship? Well, first of all, let me tell you what self-centered means:

“Better not to plant seeds of selfishness than try to eradicate them once they have grown into giant weeds.” 

Prem PrakashThe Yoga of Spiritual Devotion

What does it mean by being self-centered?

So, what does it mean to be selfish? Selfish people put their own needs before the needs of others. They may choose to do things that are harmful or hurtful for their partner, or they may ignore their partner’s feelings because they don’t care about them.

A few examples of selfish behavior include:

  • Not listening to your partner when they talk
  • Not being kind or caring towards your partner’s feelings in any way (even if you don’t agree with the feeling)
  • Being unsupportive and disrespectful when your partner talks about something important

If you’ve been told that you’re a selfish partner or are convinced that you are one, there are things that you can do to improve the situation and become a better partner.

How to stop being selfish in a relationship?

One of the most important things you can do in a relationship is to stop being selfish.

First, understand why you are so selfish. It may be that your parents were never around much and when they were, they didn’t mean anything to you or showed love; or maybe your parents were always fighting with each other and left you feeling confused about how relationships work.

So, what does this have to do with being selfish? Well, it means that if someone has been hurt by their parents’ behaviors (or lack thereof), then chances are this person will continue making decisions based on those experiences when forming relationships later in life.

So how do we get over our pasts? First off – let’s talk about yourself: Are there any parts of yourself that don’t feel like yours yet? If so (and I hope not), try to find ways for them to not only come up, but also become a part of who YOU are today.

For example: “I have these feelings inside me, but I don’t know why.” Or “I want people who care more than those who don’t.”

These statements might sound like something some self-help guru would say but they’re quite easy because all we need do is ask ourselves questions such as these above which will lead us into different directions at times depending upon what kind of situation each situation calls out for us both individually AND collectively.”

To stop being selfish in a relationship, you need to start thinking about your partner. You need to think about what they want and how they feel, as well as your own needs, wants, and feelings.

You also have to be willing to put aside any thoughts of yourself for a moment or two and try focusing on what’s best for both of you instead of just yourself.

This can take some practice, so don’t expect it within the first few days or weeks of dating someone new but once you’ve gotten used to do this kind of thing consistently then things will get easier over time (trust me).

1. Understand why you are selfish.

Understand why you are selfish
Understand why you are selfish

When you’re selfish, it’s usually because of something that happened in the past. You may be scared of being hurt by your partner and want to control their behavior by keeping them on a short leash.

You may also be afraid of losing them or being alone if they leave, so you do whatever it takes to keep them from leaving either voluntarily or involuntarily.

For this behavior pattern to stop, though, there needs to be another motivation behind it besides fear. For example, love or commitment. If those are what drive your actions (and not just avoidance), then maybe there is hope after all.

2. Identify where selfishness is coming from

Selfishness can come from a variety of sources. It may be that you have unmet expectations, insecurity, lack of trust, or fear of loss (if your partner is feeling insecure).

If this is the case for you then it’s important to identify where selfishness is coming from so that you can challenge these thoughts to move forward with your relationship goals.

3. Talk to your partner

Talking about your feelings is the first step to solving any problem. It’s important, to be honest, and open with your partner, as well as yourself. If you’re feeling selfish, talk about it.

When you discuss these feelings with someone who cares about you, they will help guide you toward finding solutions that work for both of you. They may even be able to point out ways that would have never occurred to either of us (like taking advantage of opportunities while they’re available).

That makes this process easier on everyone involved because we all benefit from listening skills learned during childhood development and communicating effectively at a basic level after years of practice.

4. Be willing to forgive

When you’re in a relationship, it can be easy to forget about yourself. You might think that your partner will always be there for you, but if he or she doesn’t feel the same way about you as much as their friends or family members, how can they ever truly love each other?

But what if I told you that there is something far more important than loving someone else? What if I told you that it was possible for two people to love each other deeply enough so that they could forgive themselves and move forward together as a couple?

It may seem like such an abstract concept at first glance how does one person get over his or her mistakes without getting hurt again? How does one forgive another person without letting go of the past?

The answer lies within yourself: through forgiveness.

READ MORE:6 Simple and best Ways of Learning to Let go

5. Learn to listen

Listening is a skill that can be learned. You may have heard this before, but it’s true: listening is not just hearing, it is understanding. The best way to listen is by asking questions to clarify what you hear and then trying to understand your partner’s point of view.

You might think of this as the “reverse psychology” method of asking your partner questions to get them talking about themselves rather than their thoughts or feelings (which are often guarded).

This will help you gather information about their interests and concerns so that when they do open up about these topics later on down the line, they’ll already have some context for what’s going on inside their heads.

6. Learn to build trust, your relationship will depend on it

Trust is a key ingredient in any relationship. It’s built over time and can be lost in an instant. Trust is about being honest and open with each other, not giving up on each other when things get tough, and knowing that you’re going to do your best to make sure the other person has what they need whether that’s love or money or attention.

Trust also means knowing how much you care enough about someone else that even when things aren’t perfect between you two (or anyone else), it doesn’t matter if you still want them around.

7. Don’t let your feelings hurt your partner’s feelings

Don't let your feelings hurt your partner's feelings
Don’t let your feelings hurt your partner’s feelings

One of the best ways to stop being selfish in a relationship is to show your partner that you are upset. This can be tough, especially if you’re not sure how your partner would react or what they might do when they find out about it.

However, if there’s one thing we’ve learned from movies like “The Proposal,” it’s that people will listen when their loved ones are upset so don’t hold back.

If someone hugs us or says something nice after we’ve done something mean (like break up with them), then chances are high that they won’t go around spreading rumors about us behind our backs anymore either.

Don’t let yourself get too overwhelmed by all this guilt over being selfish; instead, focus on taking care of yourself first before worrying about others’ feelings too much.

8. Learn to compromise

Compromise is the key to a happy, healthy relationship. If you’re the kind of person who likes to get everything they want, then compromise may seem like an impossible task.

But if you can learn how to compromise and give up some things for the sake of your partner’s happiness and well-being. Then there will be no limit on what your relationship can achieve.

HERE is a good piece to check on how to build a strong relationship.

9. Learn to let go of material things.

One of the best ways to stop being selfish in a relationship is to learn how to let go of material things.

This can be difficult for many people, but you must try and focus on what you have instead of what you don’t have. If your partner has an expensive car and you don’t, then it’s easy for them to feel like they are better than you because of their possessions.

This is not fair! Instead, try focusing on what makes up a happy and healthy relationship for example: having fun together as well as communicating with each other about problems or concerns; sharing interests (not just money); setting aside time every day just for each other; etc…

10. Develop more empathy for your partner.

Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of another. The best way to develop empathy for your partner is by recognizing their needs, wants, and values as well.

When we’re feeling selfish, it’s easy for us to forget about our partner’s feelings or needs because we’re so focused on ourselves. But if you want to stop being selfish in a relationship, taking a step back and seeing things from your partner’s perspective can help you make better decisions about what they need from you.

11. Don’t try to manipulate or control your partner.

You don’t have to feel as if you’re in a relationship, but it’s important that your partner feels like he or she is in one. If you try to control the other person, it will sometimes make them feel resentful and angry.

It’s also important not to manipulate others by making decisions based on what benefits only yourself rather than offering help when needed or working together toward common goals (such as those listed below).

This can cause tension between two people who might otherwise be friends because they both want different things from their relationships with each other than what would bring them closer together instead of apart

12. Work on your low self-esteem

  • Understand that your partner is not perfect.
  • Don’t compare yourself to other people.
  • Don’t think that you have to be perfect.
  • There are no “one-way “s for doing things, so don’t feel like there is only one right way or one wrong way (this is a big one).

When it comes down to it, everyone has problems. Everyone has something in their lives for which they need help; everyone will make mistakes sometimes, and those who have the most experience dealing with these sorts of things are usually the ones who can help us when we’re having trouble ourselves.

You can learn how to stop being selfish in relationships, but it takes some work and self-awareness
You can learn how to stop being selfish in relationships, but it takes some work and self-awareness

While it may seem like you’re doing everything right, it’s important to be aware of your actions. If you think back on the way your partner has been acting lately, are there any times when they may have been acting selfishly? If so, what could you have done differently in those situations?

You can learn how to stop being selfish in relationships, but it takes some work and self-awareness. You’ll need to analyze the situation from both sides: the part of yourself that wants things from others (and therefore thinks of them as “the other”) and another side that feels hurt by their actions or words (and therefore thinks of them as “the victim”).

Then think about how each perspective would react differently if given different advice on how best to approach situations with our loved ones. The goal here isn’t necessarily changing who we are; it’s changing how we act toward others!


In conclusion, there are many ways that you can improve your relationship with yourself, and the first step is to start by being honest with yourself about where you’re at in life.

You may feel like this is an impossible task but remember that it’s okay not always being perfect. We all have our faults and weaknesses the key is making sure they don’t define us as individuals or detract from our relationships with others.

We hope this article has been helpful in terms of getting a better understanding of how selfishness plays into relationships. If you have any questions or comments, feel free to leave them below. Happy reading!


Believe in mind Newsletter

Let’s boost your self-growth with Believe in Mind.

Interested in self-reflection tips, learning hacks, and knowing ways to calm down your mind? We offer you the best content which you have been looking for.

Join Our Newsletter

Join Our Newsletter
Join Our Newsletter - Post Sidebar