You’ve probably heard a lot about the power of positive thinking, but not all positivity is created equal. While looking on the bright side can be uplifting, some forms of positivity cross the line into denial and judgment. That’s where toxic positivity comes in. Toxic positivity pushes unrealistic optimism and shuts down any “negative” feelings. It denies our whole experience as humans. True positivity, on the other hand, makes space for the full range of emotions. It helps us grow and connect with others.
So how can you tell the difference between healthy and toxic positivity? In this article, we’ll go over the five key ways to distinguish between the two, so you can embrace real positivity in your life.
Table of Contents
Defining Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity refers to the belief that people should maintain an optimistic mindset at all times, even when facing serious life challenges or setbacks. It implies that “good vibes only” are acceptable and that expressing negative emotions is undesirable or even unacceptable.
- Insists that people should be happy all the time. Toxic positivity demands constant optimism and cheerfulness while dismissing normal human emotions like sadness, anger or fear. But in reality, no one can be positive 24/7.
- Discourages negative emotions. Toxic positivity makes people feel like they have to suppress anxiety, stress, grief or other distressing emotions. But avoiding these feelings is unhealthy and unrealistic.
- Promotes shallow happiness. Toxic positivity focuses on superficial positivity rather than cultivating genuine well-being and life satisfaction. It’s about plastering a smile on your face rather than developing resilience and inner peace.
- Blames people for their struggles. Toxic positivity implies that people are at fault if they can’t maintain a positive attitude during difficult times. But hardship, trauma, mental health issues and life’s painful moments are not a result of personal weakness or negativity.
- Offers unsolicited advice. Toxic positivity often comes across as preachy platitudes rather than empathy. Comments like “just think positive!” or “choose to be happy!” are not actually helpful for people dealing with real problems.
True positivity, on the other hand, embraces life’s inevitable ups and downs. It’s about building resilience, hope and inner strength – not forcing superficial optimism or denying reality. The healthiest mindset accepts both positive and negative experiences as part of being human.
Staying optimistic is wonderful, but true happiness comes from living life with an open and balanced perspective.
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Positivity vs Toxic Positivity
| Toxic Positivity | True Positivity |
|---|---|
| 1. Toxic positivity demands that you ignore negative emotions and only focus on the positive | 1. True positivity embraces all emotions—both positive and negative |
| 2. Toxic Positivity Minimizes problems | 2. True Positivity Addresses Them |
| 3. Toxic positivity glosses over problems and uncomfortable emotions | 3. Accepts that life has both positive and negative aspects |
| 4. Often comes with a lot of judgment | 4. Creates space for all feelings without judgment |
| 5. Tries to ignore life’s difficulties | 5. Looks for the lessons and meaning in them |
| 6. Tells you to plaster on a smile and never complain | 6. Understands that it’s healthy to complain in moderation |
| 7. Toxic positivity is superficial | 7. True positivity is grounded |
| 8. Toxic positivity demands constant happiness | 8. Toxic positivity demands that you put on a happy face at all times |
| 9. Toxic positivity blames you for feeling bad | 9. True positivity offers compassion and support |
| 10. Toxic positivity promotes perfectionism | 10. Embraces imperfection and vulnerability |
1. The Dangers of Suppressing Negative Emotions
Toxic positivity demands that you ignore negative emotions and only focus on the positive. But repressing feelings like sadness, anger, or fear can be damaging.Burying emotions leads to anxiety and depression. When you bottle up difficult feelings instead of working through them in a healthy way, they don’t just disappear. They fester and grow, often manifesting as anxiety, depression, or other mental health issues.
Pretending to be happy when you’re not is exhausting. Forcing yourself to smile and act cheerful when you’re struggling emotionally is draining and unsustainable. You can’t keep up the charade forever, and when you finally crash, the fallout may be even worse.
You miss out on the benefits of negative emotions. Negative emotions like anger or sadness serve an important purpose. They help you process loss or injustice, set boundaries, and work through challenging experiences. Avoiding them altogether prevents growth and resilience.
Your relationships suffer. By always putting on a happy face, you’re not being authentic with your close ones. Deep, meaningful relationships are built on vulnerability and truth, not pretense. People want to support you through life’s ups and downs.
Toxic positivity is an unrealistic and unhealthy way to approach life that often does more harm than good. True positivity embraces all emotions—both positive and negative—and processes them in a balanced, holistic way. That is the path to well-being, authenticity, and nurturing relationships. Focus on listening to yourself and being kind to your feelings. That is the positivity worth cultivating.
2. True Positivity Allows All Emotions
The key difference between toxic positivity and true positivity is that the latter embraces all human emotions, not just positive ones. True positivity understands that life includes ups and downs, joy and sorrow, successes and failures. Forcing yourself (or others) to feel only upbeat and optimistic is unrealistic and unhealthy.
You’re Allowed to Feel Sad Sometimes. It’s normal to feel sad, angry, or frustrated at times. Trying to deny those emotions or push them away will only make you feel worse in the long run. True positivity means accepting the full range of human emotions, including the uncomfortable ones. Be gentle with yourself and allow space for your feelings, whatever they may be.
Don’t judge yourself or others. Toxic positivity often comes with a lot of judgment about what emotions are “good” or “bad”. True positivity creates space for all feelings without judgment. Don’t beat yourself up for feeling down, and don’t criticize others for expressing emotions you may not share. Each person’s experience is different. Offer compassion instead of judgment.
Look for the lessons. While toxic positivity tries to ignore life’s difficulties, true positivity looks for the lessons and meaning in them. When you go through hard times, search for insights and growth opportunities. What can be gained or how can you develop as a person? Looking at life’s challenges through this lens helps create purpose, even in painful experiences.
This Too Shall Pass. Remember that no feeling or experience lasts forever. Happiness comes and goes, as does sadness. Appreciate the joyful moments, and know that difficult times will pass. Everything is temporary. This perspective can help you avoid attaching too strongly to any particular emotion or state of being. Go with the flow of life.
True positivity is a balanced and compassionate approach to life that creates space for all of your human emotions. It leads to greater peace and wisdom by helping you gain insight from every experience. Choose to embrace all of your feelings with self-kindness and understanding. Life’s beauty is even more precious when you know that darkness comes before dawn.
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3. Toxic Positivity Minimizes problems; True Positivity Addresses Them.
Toxic positivity glosses over problems and uncomfortable emotions, insisting that people ignore them and “stay positive.” It promotes a superficial happiness that isn’t grounded in reality. True positivity, on the other hand, accepts that life has both positive and negative aspects. It allows you to express the full range of human emotions without judgment.
Toxic Positivity Says, “Don’t Complain” Toxic positivity tells you to plaster on a smile and never complain. It makes you feel like you have to be happy all the time or else you’re doing something wrong. True positivity understands that it’s healthy to complain in moderation. Voicing frustrations can help you process emotions and find solutions. While constant complaining isn’t constructive, bottling up all your negative feelings isn’t either.
Toxic Positivity Says “Don’t Be Negative”. Toxic positivity demands constant optimism and shames people for having normal negative emotions like sadness, anger or anxiety. It implies there’s something wrong with you if you’re not cheerful 24/7. True positivity accepts that negative emotions are a natural part of life. It’s unrealistic to expect to feel only positive emotions, so true positivity encourages self-care and healthy ways of coping with distress.
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4. Toxic Positivity Offers platitudes; True Positivity Offers Support
Toxic positivity relies on clichéd platitudes like “look on the bright side!” or “happiness is a choice!” These phrases are unhelpful and make people feel like their struggles are their own fault. True positivity offers empathy and compassion. It allows others to open up about their difficulties without judgment. True positivity provides genuine support through active listening and kindness.
Overall, the main difference between toxic positivity and true positivity is that toxic positivity is superficial, while true positivity is grounded. Toxic positivity denies negative experiences and emotions. True positivity accepts them as a normal part of life and helps you develop resilience in a healthy way. True positivity leads to lasting well-being, while toxic positivity just offers a temporary high.
5. Toxic Positivity Shames, True Positivity Supports
Toxic positivity implies that you should always be cheerful no matter what, and that any negative emotion is unacceptable. It shames you for having normal human emotions like sadness, anger or fear. True positivity, on the other hand, accepts the full range of emotions as a natural part of life.
Toxic positivity demands constant happiness. Toxic positivity demands that you put on a happy face at all times. It says you should ignore problems and negative feelings and just pretend everything is OK. This unrealistic expectation causes feelings of failure and inadequacy when you can’t maintain a state of constant joy.
True Positivity Allows All Emotions. True positivity recognizes that all emotions are valid and important. It’s OK to feel sad, anxious, angry or afraid at times. Accepting your emotions as normal and temporary leads to greater peace and balance. Forcing positivity and denying “negative” feelings often makes them intensity and persist.
Toxic positivity blames you for feeling bad. Toxic positivity implies that you’re not trying hard enough or that there’s something wrong with you if you don’t feel positive all the time. This judgmental attitude only makes you feel worse. True positivity offers compassion and support. It recognizes that life’s challenges, setbacks and painful experiences are inevitable, and how you feel is not your fault.
True positivity focuses on growth and meaning. Rather than demanding constant good cheer, true positivity helps you find meaning, purpose and growth opportunities even in difficult times. It looks for lessons and silver linings, cultivates gratitude and mindfulness, builds resilience, and helps you move forward in a constructive way. Toxic positivity glosses over life’s struggles and deeper issues, whereas true positivity leads to greater wisdom, strength and well-being.
In summary, toxic positivity shames and blames, while true positivity supports and encourages. It accepts all emotions as normal, and helps you find meaning and growth even in hard times. True positivity leads to greater health, happiness and inner peace.
6. Toxic Positivity Is rigid; True Positivity Is Flexible
Toxic positivity believes that there is only one right way to be positive – theirs. They think positive thoughts and positive emotions are the only acceptable ones. True positivity, on the other hand, understands that life has ups and downs, and a range of emotions is normal and healthy.
Toxic Positivity Demands Constant Joy. Toxic positivity demands that you be happy 24/7. It says you should banish negative thoughts and always have a smile on your face. But true positivity recognizes that no one can be ecstatically joyful all the time. We all have good days and bad, and experience a range of emotions. True positivity allows you to accept however you’re feeling in the moment.
Toxic Positivity Shames Other Emotions. If you express emotions like sadness, anger or anxiety, toxic positivity will make you feel like there’s something wrong with you. It implies you’re not positive enough. But true positivity understands that so-called “negative” emotions are a normal part of life and the human experience. It gives you permission to feel however you feel.
Toxic Positivity Offers Simplistic Advice. When you’re struggling, toxic positivity offers unhelpful platitudes like “just think positive!” or “choose to be happy!”. But true positivity recognizes that emotions can be complex. It offers empathy, compassion, and a listening ear. It acknowledges that sometimes life just sucks, and the only way out is through. There are no easy fixes.
Toxic positivity promotes perfectionism. Toxic positivity makes you feel like you have to be perfect to be positive or happy. But true positivity embraces imperfection and vulnerability. It understands that you don’t have to be anyone other than who you are right now. You’re enough, just as you are—flaws and all.
True positivity brings flexibility, nuance and compassion. It allows you to be human, embracing both the ups and downs of life with grace and wisdom. Toxic positivity, on the other hand, demands perfection and constant joy. But now that you know the difference, you can practice positivity in a way that nourishes your mental health and brings you inner peace.
How to Overcome Toxic Positivity
To overcome toxic positivity in your life, you first need to recognize the signs. Toxic positivity often masks real issues and emotions under a facade of positive platitudes. It denies the reality of difficult experiences and the full range of human emotions.
1. Acknowledge Negative Emotions
Give yourself permission to feel angry, sad, or frustrated when times are tough. Don’t bottle up emotions or pretend to feel upbeat when you don’t. Express your feelings through journaling, art, music, or talking to others you trust. Allowing yourself to experience the full range of emotions is healthy and helps you process difficulties in a constructive way.
2. Avoid Judgment of yourself and Others
Toxic positivity often comes with an underlying judgment that you should always be happy. Release any judgment of yourself or others for feeling negative emotions. Everyone experiences ups and downs, and no one can be positive all the time. Offer yourself and others compassion.
3. Focus on Growth, Not Positivity
Rather than forcing positivity, focus on growth and progress. When facing challenges, look for small ways to improve your situation and take action. Growth mindset seeks progress, not a perpetual state of positivity. Celebrate small wins along the way.
4. Limit Exposure to Toxic Positivity
Be aware of people and media that promote an unrealistic positive spin. Their messages may make you feel inadequate for not being perpetually upbeat. Limit time spent consuming overly sunny social media posts, news outlets, self-help books, and people that make you feel like you have to be positive all the time. Seek balance.
5. Practice Self-Care
Make sure to engage in regular self-care like exercising, spending time in nature, practicing mindfulness, limiting stress, and staying socially connected to people who support you. Self-care helps you better cope with difficulties and boosts resilience and well-being. You’ll feel more equipped to handle challenges in a balanced and realistic way.
Overcoming toxic positivity is a journey. Be gentle with yourself and make progress one day at a time by acknowledging your full range of emotions, releasing judgment, focusing on growth, limiting unrealistic positive messages, and caring for yourself. In the end, you’ll achieve a healthier and more balanced outlook.
Conclusion
So there you have it—the five big differences between true positivity and its toxic counterpart. At the end of the day, it’s all about keeping things realistic while still seeing the bright side. Don’t let anyone make you feel bad for having normal human emotions. And be wary of people who seem to force positivity, no matter what. True positivity comes from within, not from denying life’s challenges. Stay true to yourself, stay balanced, and spread some sunshine—the healthy kind. With an outlook like that, you’ll be walking on the sunny side of the street in no time.
References
- 9 Really Bad Things That Happen to your Health When You Avoid Feeling Your Emotions. No one likes to feel negative feelings like humiliation, sadness, or anger, but ignoring and avoiding how you feel can make things far worse.EXPERT OPINION BY PETER ECONOMY, APR 28, 2019
- Toxic Positivity and Perceptions of Mental Health Spring 2023 Madeline E. Feltner, University of South Carolina – Columbia (Feltner, Madeline E., “Toxic Positivity and Perceptions of Mental Health” (2023). Senior Theses. 607. https://scholarcommons.sc.edu/senior_theses/607)
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