You know those insecurities we all have, the ones we try to hide from the world? Well, I’ve got plenty. And it never fails – the moment I start to feel good about myself, someone makes a joke about one of them. Cue the blushing, stammering mess that I become. It’s like they see a big red target on me that says “Poke here to deflate ego.”
I used to just take it, or try to laugh it off. But that only made things worse. It took me a long time to realize I don’t have to accept people making fun of my insecurities. There are ways to stand up for myself while keeping my cool. If you can relate, stick with me – I’m going to share what I’ve learned about facing insecurity poke-ers head on.
Table of Contents
They Laughed at My Insecurities – How Did I Get Here?
Looking back, I’m not sure how my insecurities got so out of control. As a kid, I don’t remember being particularly self-conscious. But somewhere along the way, little comments from friends and crushes started to stick with me. An offhand remark about my frizzy hair or the size of my nose lodged itself in my brain, slowly growing into gnawing self-doubt.
The Teasing Started Early
In middle school, a few of the popular girls in my class started poking fun at my fashion sense and my bookishness. At first, their snide comments just rolled off my back. But over time, their teasing hit its mark. I started to believe there was something wrong with me for liking sci-fi books and hating makeup. Their laughter echoed in my head, amplifying my insecurities.
I Let My Anxiety Run Wild
By high school, my self-doubt had blossomed into full-blown anxiety and a tendency towards catastrophizing. If I stumbled over my words in class, I convinced myself everyone now thought I was an idiot. If I got a pimple, I thought it was the only thing anyone would notice about me that day. I gave other people’s idle comments and passing reactions far too much power over my self-esteem.
Looking back now, I can see how much of my insecurity was self-created. The reality is, most people were too focused on themselves to spend much time judging me. The popular girls who teased me in middle school probably forgot about it an hour later. But I let their careless cruelty feed my anxiety, and I nurtured my doubts until they grew into something outsized and unhealthy. My insecurities were in many ways of my own making.
The good news is, I now have the power to overcome them. By challenging anxious thoughts, focusing on my strengths, and not giving others so much control over how I see myself, I can start to shift my mindset. My insecurities may have taken root long ago, but I can weed them out, one by one. The process won’t happen overnight, but with work and self-compassion, I know I can get back to that self-assured kid I used to be.
How Their Words Affected
When others poke fun at my insecurities, their words cut deep. My anxiety and self-doubt skyrocket as I start to believe what they’re saying might actually be true. I question if I’m good enough and constantly compare myself to others around me.
I felt inadequate and like an outcast.
Their teasing made me feel like I didn’t belong or measure up to the standards of those around me. 1 worried I was too weird or different to fit in. This often led me to mask my true self in an attempt to please others and gain their approval. I was afraid to show the world who I really was.
My confidence took a major hit.
Each joke or snide comment chipped away at my self-esteem little by little. Over time, this caused me to doubt myself in all areas of my life. I started to believe I wasn’t talented or smart enough in my career or relationships. I felt like an imposter and was scared others would find out I was a “fraud.”
I struggled with anxiety and depression.
Constantly worrying about what others thought of me and feeling inadequate led to feelings of anxiety, stress, and even depression. I had trouble sleeping at night as my mind raced with anxious thoughts. I felt sad, hopeless, and like nothing I did was ever good enough.
Their words were hurtful, but I’ve realized I can’t control what others say about me. I’m learning to build my confidence from the inside out by practicing self-care, acknowledging my strengths, and surrounding myself with people who appreciate me for who I am. Though their jokes still sting sometimes, I’m getting better at not letting their words define my self-worth. I know I’m enough, and so are you.
Why Do People Make Fun of Others’ Insecurities?
Insecurities make us feel vulnerable, so when others poke fun at them, it cuts deep. Unfortunately, some people get a sense of power from putting others down. As much as their words sting, try not to take their insults personally. Their actions say more about them than about you.
They Feel Insecure Themselves; Often, people mock others out of their own insecurities and self-doubts. It’s a way for them to feel superior by comparing themselves to someone they see as weak or flawed. Don’t let their issues become your own. Pity them for needing to put others down to build themselves up.
They Lack Empathy; Some people simply lack empathy and don’t understand how hurtful their jokes and jabs can be. They think they’re just teasing in good fun without realizing the damage they’re doing. These types typically won’t change, so avoid engaging with them when possible. Their words only have as much power over you as you give them.
They Feel Powerless; By putting you down, they gain a temporary sense of power and control. Don’t feed into it. React with indifference instead of hurt or anger.
Stay confident in who you are, and their power over you will fade.
The reasons why people mock others’ insecurities say more about the bullies themselves than about their victims. You have a choice in how you respond. React with empathy, confidence, and indifference, and their hurtful words will lose their sting. Focus on surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are—insecurities and all. Their support can help build you up and make you stronger, no matter what others may say.
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When Someone Makes Fun of Your Insecurities; How to Respond in the Moment
When someone calls out one of my insecurities, whether intentionally or not, it stings. In that moment, a flood of emotions wash over me—embarrassment, anger, and sadness. My first instinct is usually to lash out in defense or run away and hide. But over time, I’ve learned some better ways to respond that help me feel empowered rather than defeated.
The person poking fun at you may be insensitive, but they could also just be joking around and not realize they’ve hit a sore spot.
Do not take the bait. Resist the urge to get aggressive or make a hurtful comeback. That will likely only make you both feel worse and escalate the situation.
Stay calm and remember your worth. Their words are not a reflection of your value or worthiness. Do not give their opinion power over how you see yourself. Take a few deep breaths to avoid reacting impulsively.
Speak up assertively. If you feel comfortable, tell them directly and confidently that their comment was hurtful. Say something like “that was uncalled for” or “comments about my appearance are off limits.” Set a boundary and make it clear their behavior is unacceptable. But only do this if you think it will lead to a productive conversation.
Walk away if needed. Remove yourself from the situation until you’ve regained your composure. Take time to process the interaction and think about how you want to respond, if at all. Your peace of mind is most important here, not proving a point or seeking revenge.
With practice, responding this way can get easier. Do not let other people’s insensitivity or cruelty define how you see yourself. Know your worth, set boundaries, and do not be afraid to stand up for yourself with empathy and grace. Their words say more about them than you, so try not to take the bait! Stay strong for who you are.
1. Strategies to Handle the Pain and Embarrassment
Feeling embarrassed and hurt when someone mocks my insecurities is a normal reaction. How they respond, though, makes all the difference in how much power I give them over me. Here are some strategies I use to handle this painful situation effectively:
Do not engage or argue. The moment I start defending myself, I’ve given them exactly what they want-a reaction. Staying calm and not engaging in their taunts prevents me from looking foolish or escalating the conflict. I remain detached from their cruelty.
Their words say more about them. How people treat others often reflects how they feel about themselves. Their need to put me down comes from their own insecurities and unhappiness, not because of any flaw or shortcoming in me. I pity them rather than internalize their abuse.
Surround myself with my supporters. After encountering someone who preys on my insecurities, I immediately connect with people who love and support me. Talking to close friends and family helps reinforce that this person’s opinion does not define my worth or value. Their comfort and encouragement soothe the sting.
Do small things to rebuild my confidence. Following an upsetting incident like this, I do self-care activities that boost my confidence from the inside out. Maybe i workout, pursue a hobby I’m good at, dress in an outfit that makes me feel empowered, or practice positive self-talk. Taking action makes me feel in control again.
While dealing with insecurity and embarrassment is difficult, focusing on self-worth from within instead of seeking validation from cruel individuals leads to greater happiness and peace of mind. Their unkindness says nothing about me, and with the support of people who truly care about me, their power to hurt me fades.
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2. Finding Supportive Friends Who Build You Up
When others poke fun at my insecurities, the first thing I do is turn to my close friends for support. The friends who truly care about me would never make me feel bad about myself. They build me up and make me feel good about who I am.
If certain people are constantly putting you down and making you feel insecure, it may be time to reevaluate those relationships. Seek out kindhearted friends who appreciate you for who you are- flaws and all. They should make you feel accepted and cared for.
Look for friends with similar interests and values. Join a local club or take a class on something you enjoy. Strike up genuine conversations with people you connect with. Don’t be afraid to put yourself out there; your supportive tribe is waiting for you!
Once you have good people in your corner, their kind words can help balance out the hurtful ones. Your friends can remind you not to let the insensitive comments of others diminish your self-worth. They see all the wonderful qualities that make you who you are, even if others don’t.
You may even want to talk to your friends about the specific comments that were said. Explain how those words made you feel, and ask for their input. They can provide a more balanced perspective and help you not blow things out of proportion. Leaning on your support network will make insensitive comments feel less personal
While finding new friends is ideal, also express to your current friends how their words impacted you. Give them a chance to understand your feelings and make things right. However, if they continue to disrespect you, spending less time with them may be necessary for your wellbeing. Surround yourself with people who treat you the way you deserve to be treated.
You have so much amazingness to offer – don’t let anyone make you feel otherwise! Cultivate meaningful relationships that build you up and make you feel good about yourself. The insensitive comments of others will start to matter less and less.
3. Learning to Love Myself Despite My Flaws
For as long as I can remember, I’ve been insecure about my appearance. My peers in school always seemed to poke fun at the things I was most self-conscious about: my frizzy hair, the gap between my front teeth, and my knobby knees. Their teasing and hurtful jokes made me feel like I would never fit in or be considered attractive.
As I got older, I realized their mocking said more about them than it did about me. Often, people put down others to make themselves feel better or to gain status in a group. Their cruelty was a reflection of their own insecurities and unhappiness. While this didn’t erase the pain their words caused, it helped me see that I didn’t deserve to be treated that way.
Slowly but surely, I’m learning to accept and even appreciate the parts of myself that I can’t change. My curly hair shows my mixed heritage. The gap in my teeth gives my smile character. My knobby knees are strong and flexible, allowing me to do the activities I enjoy. The features I was once most self-conscious about now make me uniquely me.
Loving yourself isn’t easy in a society that profits from telling us we’re not good enough as we are. But surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are, avoiding those who put you down, and being kind to yourself can help drown out the voices of self-doubt. Focus on developing your talents, following your passions, and being the best person you can be. Your worth isn’t defined by what others say about you; it comes from within.
While their hurtful words may have bruised me in the past, my self-esteem is no longer at the mercy of bullies. I am learning to fully embrace all parts of myself-imperfections and all. My flaws and quirks are part of the package deal that make me me. And I’m perfectly okay with that.
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4. Setting Boundaries Around Discussing Insecurities
When someone mocks your deepest insecurities, it cuts straight to the core. My first reaction is usually anger and hurt. I want to lash out in defense of myself, even if their words ring true. But that will only make the situation worse and hand more power over to them.
Instead, I take a step back and look at the underlying reasons why this person felt the need to put me down. Often, it says more about them and their own issues. Maybe they are jealous or insecure about themselves. Perhaps they were once hurt in a similar way. None of these reasons excuse their behavior, but seeing their motivation helps me not take the bait.
Once I’ve regained my composure, I clearly and calmly tell them their comments were inappropriate and hurtful. I say something like “There’s no need to make personal attacks. Let’s have a respectful dialogue.” If they continue to insult me, I walk away. I don’t engage further.
My insecurities are my own to grapple with. I don’t need to hand someone else power over them or let their cruelty define me. Their words can only cut as deep as I allow them to. By setting firm boundaries and refusing to engage when those lines are crossed, I maintain control over my own self- worth.
Over time, comments about my perceived flaws or weaknesses start to lose their sting. I realize another person’s opinion does not determine my value or identity. My insecurities may still surface at times, but they no longer have the same power over me. I know I can stand up for myself with dignity and grace. And that is the greatest defense of all.
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5. Building Confidence Despite Your Insecurities
Looking in the mirror, I see flaws. I focus on my perceived imperfections and shortcomings, worrying what others might think of them. When someone pokes fun at my insecurities, it cuts deep, confirming my worst fears.
How do I build confidence in the face of insecurities and hurtful comments? Here are a few strategies I’ve found helpful:
- Focus on your strengths. Make a list of things you like about yourself—your talents, skills, values, and accomplishments. Remind yourself of them often. Your insecurities seem smaller in comparison. Don’t seek approval. Stop worrying so much about what others think. Their opinions don’t determine your worth. Do things because you want to, not to please people or gain their acceptance.
- Practice self-care. Take good care of yourself by maintaining a healthy diet, exercising, limiting alcohol and caffeine, and getting enough sleep. Your insecurities will feel more manageable when you feel your best physically and mentally.
- Accept yourself. Learn to appreciate yourself as you are, flaws and all. No one is perfect. Your insecurities make you human. The truth is, most people are too focused on their own insecurities to notice yours.
- Surround yourself with support. Spend time with people who love and accept you as you are. Their kind words and encouragement can help balance out hurtful comments from others.
- Don’t dwell on harsh words. When someone insults you, don’t internalize their words or ruminate on them. Their cruelty says more about them not you. Let hurtful comments go instead of giving them power over you.
Building confidence is challenging, but choosing self-compassion over self-criticism and nurturing supportive relationships can help silence self-doubt. Focus on developing your strengths, accepting yourself, and surrounding yourself with people who appreciate you for who you are. Don’t let the insensitivity of others keep you from pursuing your dreams. With time and practice, confidence can overcome insecurity.
6. Focusing on Your Strengths and Accomplishments
When people make fun of my insecurities, it hurts. Their words cut deep, making me question my self-worth and abilities. In the past, their cruel taunts would replay in my mind for days, dragging down my confidence and productivity. Over time, I’ve learned not to give their voices so much power over me.
Now, I try to shift my mindset. Instead of dwelling on their insults, I redirect my thoughts to focus on my strengths and accomplishments. I remind myself of the skills, talents, and qualities that make me uniquely me. Maybe I have a gift for empathy, a quirky sense of humor, or an ability to see new solutions where others don’t. Perhaps I’ve overcome obstacles that have made me stronger and wiser.
I also look at concrete wins and achievements, big or small, in my life. When self-doubt starts to creep in, I visualize the goals I’ve achieved and problems I’ve solved. I remember the times I’ve helped others or made a positive impact. Focusing on these victories helps restore my confidence from within, rather than basing it on what others say or think about me.
The truth is, the people who mock you are often insecure themselves. Their cruelty says more about them than it does about you. You have so much wonderfulness within you, completely independent of their harsh words. Don’t hand over your power and let their insults diminish your light.
Shift your mind to your strengths, talents, and accomplishments. Recognize all the times you’ve overcome and achieved. See yourself through the lens of your own innate awesomeness. Let that be the voice that guides you. Their taunts will fade, but your inner strength and self-worth will sustain you for life.
7. Don’t Take It Personally – It’s Not Always About You
When someone makes fun of your insecurities, it can feel like a personal attack. But their cruelty often says more about them than it does about you. Their insults are a reflection of their own unhappiness and inadequacies, not yours.
The reasons people mock others are varied. Maybe they are jealous of you in some way and putting you down makes them feel better about themselves. Perhaps they were bulled themselves as kids and now perpetuate the cycle of abuse to regain a sense of power. Or they could just be mean- spirited individuals who get enjoyment from inflicting pain on others.
Whatever the underlying cause, you must remember that their actions are not your fault. Do not give their words power over you or allow their insults to diminish your self-worth. Their cruelty is often more about their own pain and deficiencies, not yours.
When facing mockery and ridicule, stay calm and do not engage or argue. Do not give the bully the reaction they are seeking. Respond with empathy and compassion, not aggression. Say something like, “I’m sorry you feel that way.” Then, remove yourself from the situation as quickly as possible.
Do not dwell on their insults or let self-doubt creep in. Do something to boost your confidence like exercising, pursuing a hobby, or engaging in an act of self-care. Connecting with supportive friends or family members can also help shift your mindset to a more positive state.
Remember that you cannot control the actions of others; you can only control your reaction. Do not give anyone power over your self-worth or happiness. Stay true to who you are and keep moving forward. Their cruelty says more about them, so do not take their insults personally. You are in control of your own life and self-esteem. Do not let anyone take that away from you.
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The Importance of Self-Compassion When You Feel Hurt
When others target your insecurities, it’s natural to feel hurt. But responding with self-compassion can soften the pain and help you move forward in a healthy way. Self-compassion means speaking to yourself with the same kindness, care and understanding you would show a loved one who is struggling. It involves three key components:
- Self-kindness. Instead of harsh self-criticism, practice self-kindness by reminding yourself that everyone has insecurities and vulnerabilities. You didn’t deserve to be mocked.
- Common humanity. Remember that feelings of inadequacy are part of the shared human experience. You’re not alone in your struggles.
- Mindfulness. Take a moment to acknowledge your feelings with awareness and non-judgment Label them: “This hurts. I feel sad and embarrassed.”) without getting swept up in a story of shame.
When you’re hurting, self-compassion allows you to comfort and reassure yourself. It helps decrease rumination on the cruel words while increasing feelings of self-worth, motivation and resilience. Simply saying kind, encouraging phrases like “This is painful but you’ll get through it” or “You’re doing the best you can” can make a big difference.
Practice self-compassion today. Tell yourself you don’t deserve to be mocked and that your worth isn’t diminished. Acknowledge your feelings with care. Remind yourself of your strengths, values and goals. With patience and persistence, self-compassion will grow and your inner light will shine through, regardless of what others say or do.
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Mean Comments About My Insecurities – How I Learned to Brush Them Off
As a teenager, mean comments about my appearance and personality often left me feeling sad and self-conscious for days. But over time, I learned how to brush them off and not let them diminish my self-worth.
The turning point came when I realized that hurtful comments say far more about the person making them than they do about me. People who feel the need to put others down often struggle with their own insecurities and unhappiness. Their cruel words are a reflection of that, not an accurate judgment of my character or value.
Once I adopted that mindset, it became easier to let critical remarks roll off my back. I would remind myself that I was perfect just the way I was—inconsistencies and all. With growing self-confidence and self-acceptance, insults eventually lost their power to wound me.
Now, when rude comments come my way, I picture myself surrounded by a force field that deflects negativity. I stay focused on my goals and priorities, not getting sidetracked by someone else’s unkindness. I remind myself that life is too short to waste time feeling bad about the opinions of people who don’t really know me.
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Final Thought
So if you struggle with mean comments targeting your insecurities, try to shift your perspective. See the commenters’ words as revealing more about them than you. Build up your self-esteem and self- worth. And don’t give those rude remarks more power in your life than they deserve – which is absolutely none at all.
Life is too short to spend time dwelling on the words of those who mean us harm. Instead, focus your energy on what truly matters: living in accordance with your values, nurturing meaningful relationships, and pursuing your goals and dreams. Rise above the negativity and let your spirit shine through. That is the greatest revenge of all.
References
- The Real Reason Your Self-Worth is Low – and How to Fix It by Andrea M. Darcy, 2023
- Why a Person May Project Their Insecurities Onto Others, and How to Prevent Them From Hurting You from Bright Side
- 12 Signs Someone Looks Down On You (And, How To Deal With Them) Last updated on February 4th, 2024
- Understanding Relationships With People Who Put Others Down: Psychology Of Bullying Updated March 8, 2024by Regain Editorial Team
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