It’s me again, chatting with you about the doubts and insecurities that plague this overactive mind of mine. I know I’m not alone in this constant self-questioning, but I want to dig deeper into why I can’t seem to shake these nagging feelings of uncertainty.
In this post, we’ll explore the possible roots of self-doubt – from past experiences and relationships to how we’re wired. I’m no psychologist, but compiling this list has helped me better understand my own self-critic. Maybe you’ll relate to some of these reasons too. Let’s dive in and start getting to know the sources of our doubts a little better.
Table of Contents
Signs You Struggle with Self-Doubt
You second-guess yourself constantly: Do you find yourself constantly questioning your own decisions and judgments? I know I do. No matter how thoroughly I’ve thought something through, there’s always that little voice in the back of my head telling me I’m not good enough or I’ve made the wrong choice. For those of us with self-doubt, second-guessing ourselves comes as naturally as breathing.
You have trouble accepting compliments: When someone pays me a compliment, I have a hard time simply saying “thank you” and accepting it. Instead, I feel the need to deflect or make excuses. If you also struggle with self-doubt, you probably don’t feel deserving of praise and have trouble internalizing positive feedback. You likely dismiss compliments or chalk them up to the other person just being “nice.”
You dwell on your perceived failures and shortcomings: Do you tend to magnify your mistakes and imperfections while minimizing your accomplishments and strengths? If so, you’re not alone. Those of us with self-doubt often engage in negative self-talk, dwelling on what we perceive as our failures, shortcomings, and inadequacies. We have trouble seeing ourselves objectively and acknowledging our own worth.
You feel like an imposter in your own life: Deep down, I frequently feel as though I don’t truly belong or deserve the good things in my life. No matter how much external evidence exists to the contrary, I struggle with the feeling that I’m not competent or qualified and it’s only a matter of time before I’m “found out.” If you can relate, it’s likely you also grapple with self-doubt and the imposter syndrome. You feel like a fraud and have trouble internalizing your own worth and value.
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What Causes Self-Doubt
Self-doubt can be like a shadow that grows larger the more we focus on it. It can be triggered by past experiences, where failures or harsh criticism chip away at our self-belief. Our inner voice can also become a foe, constantly replaying negativity and fueling comparisons that make us feel inadequate. Finally, societal pressures to excel and be perfect can create a relentless sense of never being “enough.” However, recognizing these common causes is the first step to stepping out of the shadow and building unshakable confidence.
1. Childhood Experiences That Lead to Self-Doubt
Ever since I was a little kid, I’ve struggled with self-doubt. Looking back, a lot of it stems from my childhood experiences. My parents were highly critical. They seemed to focus on my mistakes and flaws rather than my strengths and accomplishments. Their constant criticism made me question my abilities and worth from an early age.
I was an awkward, shy child. I had trouble making friends and always felt like the odd one out. My difficulty socializing led me to believe there was something wrong with me. That belief has stuck with me into adulthood and fuels my self-doubt in social situations.
I lacked encouragement and praise. My parents weren’t the type to dole out compliments or express pride in my achievements. They rarely said things like “I’m proud of you” or gave me encouragement. As a result, I grew up seeking external validation and doubting my own abilities.
My achievements and talents went unrecognized. I discovered from an early age that I was good at art and writing, but my parents never acknowledged or praised these abilities. Their lack of recognition caused me to discount and doubt my own talents, even to this day.
Those formative experiences created the foundation for the self-doubt I still grapple with. Recognizing how your childhood experiences influence your self-perception is the first step to overcoming self- doubt. Once you understand the roots, you can start to challenge those old beliefs, build self- confidence from within, and finally defeat that doubtful voice in your head.
2. How Perfectionism Breeds Self-Doubt
My perfectionism is one of my biggest triggers for self-doubt. I hold myself to unrealistically high standards in everything I do-and when I inevitably fall short, I start doubting myself.
Setting the bar too high. I tend to set the bar so high for myself that it’s nearly impossible to achieve. Getting an A- instead of an A, or finishing a project a day late fills me with self-criticism. I tell myself I “should” have done better, which fuels my self-doubt. The truth is, no one can be perfect all the time. But that logic doesn’t seem to stop my perfectionistic tendencies.
Fear of failure. My desire to be perfect is really a fear of failure in disguise. I worry that if I’m not flawless, it means I’ve failed in some way. So, I micromanage myself and ruminate over tiny mistakes-which only increases my self-doubt. Failure is a natural part of life, but for perfectionists, it’s something to be avoided at all costs. I’m learning that it’s okay to fail, as long as I learn from my mistakes and try again.
All-or-nothing thinking. As a perfectionist, I tend to see things in black and white. I’m either perfect or a total failure, with no in- between. This polarized thinking amplifies my self-doubt. The reality, of course, is that life exists in shades of gray. I don’t have to be perfect to be worthwhile or successful. But overcoming this all-or- nothing mindset is easier said than done. It requires conscious effort and practice in adopting a more balanced way of viewing myself and my performance.
With time and practice, I’m working to overcome these perfectionistic tendencies that fuel my self- doubt. It’s a journey, but by being self-compassionate, setting realistic expectations, and embracing life’s imperfections, I’m learning to silence my inner critic and strengthen my self-belief.
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3. When Comparisons Undermine Confidence
Growing up, I was constantly comparing myself to others. In school, I would compare my grades, athletic abilities, and popularity to my peers. At home, I compared how tidy my room was to my sister’s and how quickly I finished my chores compared to my brothers. These comparisons often left me feeling like I didn’t measure up.
As I got older, social media made it even easier to compare myself to others. I would see friends posting glamorous photos of exotic vacations, new homes, and promotions at work. Meanwhile, I was sitting on the couch in my pajamas, feeling like everyone else had their life together while I was floundering.
The truth is, we often only see the highlight reels of other people’s lives on social media. We have no idea what’s really going on behind the scenes or how much they may be struggling in other areas of their lives. When we compare ourselves, we are usually looking at an unrealistic portrayal of someone else’s life.
Another reason comparisons undermine our confidence is that we tend to focus on people who are doing better than us in a particular area. I never compared myself to people I perceived as less intelligent, athletic or successful. I only looked at people I thought were smarter, fitter or more accomplished. This skewed perspective made me feel worse about myself.
The healthiest approach is to avoid comparisons altogether. Appreciate yourself for who you are – your unique talents, skills, and accomplishments. Focus on your own journey rather than worrying about where others are. When you start comparing, remind yourself that you have no idea what’s really going on in someone else’s life or what struggles they may be facing. Choose to celebrate your own progress and be kind to yourself. This will help build your confidence from the inside out.
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4. Self-Doubt Caused by Imposter Syndrome
Imposter syndrome is something I struggle with and it contributes greatly to my self-doubt. As an overachiever, I have a tendency to attribute my successes to luck rather than skill. Deep down, I feel like a fraud and that at any moment I will be “found out.”
I Can’t Accept My Achievements. When I accomplish something great at work or reach an important milestone, I have trouble owning it. Instead of feeling a sense of pride in my achievement, I become anxious that I don’t deserve the success or that I somehow manipulated the situation to my advantage. The truth is, I eamed my achievements through hard work and skill, but imposter syndrome prevents me from believing that.
The fear of failure is what drives my imposter syndrome. I worry that if I accept a promotion or take on a challenging new project, I won’t actually be able to do it. So instead, I downplay my abilities and avoid opportunities where I might fail. Of course, by not taking risks, I limit my ability to grow in my career. It’s a vicious cycle.
I Compare Myself to Others.Comparing myself to highly successful colleagues only amplifies my self-doubt. I look at their accomplishments and think, “TII never achieve that much.” The truth is, their success has nothing to do with my own. We each have unique skills, experiences, and career paths. Just because someone else achieves a lot doesn’t mean I’m not good enough-it just means we’re different.
Overcoming imposter syndrome and the self-doubt it causes is challenging, but awareness of its causes and effects is the first step. Recognizing my achievements, facing my fears of failure, and avoiding comparisons with others can help build my confidence from the inside out. With time and practice, I know I can overcome imposter syndrome and believe in my abilities.
5. Self-Doubt Due to Social Anxiety
Social anxiety is one of the biggest causes of self-doubt for me. My mind tends to go into overdrive worrying about how others perceive me in social situations. Will I say something stupid? Do I look okay? Are people judging me? These anxious thoughts flood my mind and make me doubt myself.
Fear of Embarrassment. My biggest fear is embarrassing myself in front of others or not knowing what to say. I worry I’ll blush, stumble over my words, or that there will be awkward silences. This fear of embarrassment and anxiety in social settings often makes me doubt my ability to connect with others. I tell myself I’m boring or awkward to avoid putting myself in those situations.
My perfectionism also fuels my self-doubt. I hold myself to unrealistic standards and beat myself up over small mistakes. I feel like I have to be the most interesting, funniest, and engaging person in the room or I’m not good enough. Of course, that level of perfection is impossible to achieve, so I end up doubting myself even in normal social interactions.
Negative Self-Talk. The way I talk to myself, especially in social situations, is often cruel and heightens my self-doubt. I call myself names like “weirdo,” “loser,” or “idiot” over minor slip-ups. This negative self-talk reinforces the belief that there is something wrong with me and that I can’t handle social interaction. Challenging this harmful self-talk and showing myself more compassion is helping to overcome my self-doubt.
In many ways, social anxiety and the resulting negative thoughts are at the root of my self-doubt. Learning to ease anxiety, embrace imperfection, and be kind to myself are keys to building my confidence from the inside out. Though it’s difficult, every small win helps me rely less on the approval of others and more on my own self-acceptance.
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6. Letting Fear of Failure Feed Self-Doubt
I tend to doubt myself when I let the fear of failure get the better of me. The possibility of not succeeding at something new fills me with anxiety and uncertainty in my own abilities. This fear holds me back from taking risks and pushes me to second guess myself.
Perfectionism Fuels Fear of Failure. As a perfectionist, I have unrealistically high standards for myself that are nearly impossible to achieve. When I inevitably fall short, I see it as a failure and it shakes my confidence. I have to remind myself that no one is perfect, and some degree of failure is inevitable in life. Striving for excellence is good, but perfectionism is unhealthy and leads to self-doubt.
Comparing Myself to Others. Another habit that feeds my fear of failure is comparing myself to others who seem to be more successful or talented. I see their achievements and think I can never measure up. The truth is, I have no idea what struggles or advantages that person has had. The only fair comparison is between me today and me yesterday. Am I growing? Am I developing my skills? That’s what really matters.
Overthinking and Worrying Too Much. I also tend to be an over thinker, worrying incessantly about what might go wrong. This excessive worry and rumination makes failure seem more frightening and probable than it really is. When self- doubt starts creeping in, I have to make a conscious effort to avoid worrying about the uncertain future and stay focused on the task right in front of me. Taking things step by step, without overthinking, helps build my confidence through small wins and progress.
The key is recognizing how these harmful thought patterns and habits feed my fear of failure and self- doubt. By addressing them, I can overcome self-doubt and start to believe in myself again. With practice and persistence, confidence is built through a series of small victories, not the absence of failure or imperfections. I have to accept that I will never be perfect, and that’s okay.
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7. The Vicious Cycle of Self-Fulfilling Prophecies
Self-doubt often stems from negative beliefs we hold about ourselves that aren’t based in reality. These beliefs create self-fulfilling prophecies, where we subconsciously act in ways that confirm our negative views. It’s a vicious cycle.
For example, say you doubt your ability to succeed in a new job. This belief makes you anxious and causes you to second-guess yourself. As a result, your performance suffers, “proving” that you were right to doubt yourself. In reality, your anxiety and self-sabotage, not lack of skill, created the outcome. But to you, it validates your negative belief.
I often struggle with self-fulfilling prophecies in social situations. I believe I’m awkward and unlikable, so I act tense and reserved around new people. My discomfort then makes interactions feel forced and stilted, reinforcing my belief that I’m socially inept. It’s a self-perpetuating cycle that’s hard to break.
The solution is recognizing self-fulfilling prophecies when they happen and challenging the beliefs that fuel them. Look for evidence that contradicts your negative views or shows their irrationality. Try acting “as is” you have confidence in yourself and see what happens. You may find that your abilities and social skills are better than you give yourself credit for. Breaking the cycle of self-doubt is difficult, but with conscious effort, you can overcome negative beliefs, end self-sabotage, and start fulfilling your true potential.
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8. Self-Doubt From Listening to Your Inner Critic
I’ve always struggled with self-doubt. That little voice in my head is constantly questioning my abilities and decisions. My inner critic loves to point out all the ways I’m not good enough or might fail.
This self-doubt often stems from the negative self-talk I engage in. I find myself thinking thoughts like “I’m not smart enough for this job,” or “I’m going to mess this up.” The more I listen to these criticisms, the more I start to believe them, chipping away at my confidence.
Another source of my self-doubt is comparing myself to others. When I see friends or colleagues succeeding or achieving their goals, I start to doubt myself. I think they must be smarter or more talented than I am. The truth is, I have no idea what struggles or failures they’ve faced behind the scenes. Comparing myself only breeds more self-doubt.
Past experiences of failure or rejection also feed into my self-doubt. If I’ve failed at something in the past, I worry I fail again in the future. The memory of that rejection or embarrassment lives on, making me question my abilities. I have to remind myself that one failure does not define me and my skills or worth.
The key to overcoming self-doubt is recognizing where it comes from. Once I understand the root causes of my self-doubt, I can start to challenge those doubts. I have to ignore that inner critic, stop the negative self-talk, and stop comparing myself to others. Focusing on my strengths and accomplishments also helps build back my confidence. Self-doubt may always be there in some form, but I can choose not to listen.
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How Do I Overcome Debilitating Self-Doubt?
To overcome self-doubt that holds you back, you have to confront it head-on. Here are some of the steps I’ve taken to overcome my own self-doubt:
Challenge negative thoughts. Notice the negative thoughts you have about yourself and your abilities, and try to challenge them with more positive and realistic thoughts. For example, if you think “I’m not smart enough to take on this project,” challenge that with something like “I have succeeded at difficult tasks before, and I will learn and grow from this experience.”
Focus on your strengths. It’s easy to dwell on what you perceive as weaknesses or flaws, but your strengths and accomplishments matter more. Make a list of your strengths, skills, values, and achievements. Refer to it whenever self-doubt strikes to remind yourself of the capable person you are.
Stop seeking perfection. Learn to embrace imperfection – in yourself and in life. No one is perfect, so practice self-compassion. Cut yourself some slack and avoid harsh self-judgment. As the saying goes, “progress, not perfection.”
Start small and build up. Don’t feel overwhelmed by big goals or tasks. Break them down into smaller milestones and tackle them one by one. Celebrate small wins along the way. As your confidence grows, you can take on more. Success builds upon success.
Accept that self-doubt is normal. Everyone experiences self-doubt at times. It’s part of being human. Accept that you will likely always have moments of self-doubt, and that’s okay. You have the power to work through it and not let it stop you.
The more you practice confronting your self-doubt, the easier it will get. Be patient and kind with yourself. Overcoming self-doubt is a journey, not a destination. You’ve got this! Believe in yourself and keep putting one foot in front of the other.
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Conclusion
So those are some of the key reasons that self-doubt can creep in. The good news is that when you can identify the roots, you can start to challenge those doubts. It takes practice and patience, but you can move towards more self-confidence over time. For now, go easy on yourself when the doubts arise. Be curious, not critical. And know you’re not alone in occasionally questioning yourself. Self- compassion is so helpful. Keep taking small steps forward and trust the journey. You’ve got this!
References
- An Examination of the Relationship Between Perfectionism and Self-esteem in a Sample of Student Athletes by Mohamad hosein ghahramani , Mohammad Ali Besharat , Behnam naghipour https://doi.org/10.1016/j.sbspro.2011.10.245 : Procedia – Social and Behavioral Sciences
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