Real Talk: When Life Just Punches You in the Gut? Have you ever sat there, staring at the ceiling at 2 a.m., wondering what you did wrong? You did everything they said to do. You showed up. You worked hard. You tried to be a good person. And still—someone else got the job. Someone else got the relationship. Someone else, who didn’t even seem to try that hard, got the life you wanted.
And you’re left with this sinking question:
“Why is life so unfair?”
We’ve all felt it. That gut-punch moment where the universe feels like it’s playing favorites—and you’re not on the list.
It shows up in different ways. Maybe you watched a coworker who plays office politics get promoted while you stayed late every night. Or you’ve seen good, kind people suffer through things they never deserved. Meanwhile, others who lie, cheat, or manipulate seem to coast through life untouched. If you’ve ever felt like you’re constantly swimming upstream while everyone else has a boat, you’re not alone.
But here’s the thing most people don’t say out loud:
Life isn’t just hard. It’s uneven. It’s unpredictable. And it sure as hell isn’t always fair.
This post isn’t here to throw positivity at your pain. You won’t find any “good vibes only” nonsense here. Instead, we’re going to look honestly at why life feels unfair, what’s really going on beneath the surface, and most importantly, what you can actually do about it.Because while life may never be fair…
You still have the power to shape how you respond to it.
And here’s the nuance we often miss: life isn’t always unfair. Sometimes, hard work does pay off. Sometimes the right people show up. Sometimes justice wins. But because those moments aren’t guaranteed, they feel rare—like a breath of fresh air in a storm. Still, they matter. They remind us that not everything is chaos, that sometimes life does reward the good, the kind, the persistent.
So the goal isn’t to become cynical. It’s to stop expecting fairness, while staying open to those moments when it does happen. That’s how we stay grounded—by holding both truths at once.
Table of Contents
What Is ‘Unfairness’?
Have you ever felt like life is unfair? It’s a feeling that can happen when things don’t go our way and the world seems to take advantage of us. That’s because life can be unpredictable, chaotic, and sometimes seemingly unjust.
But what exactly is “unfairness,” and why does it happen so often? When we experience an obstacle that we were not expecting or when the outcome of a situation does not match the effort put into it, we are experiencing unfairness.
For example, when you put in a month’s worth of hard work on an assignment only to get a grade of C instead of an A, this may feel unfair.
In reality, there is no universal definition for “unfairness.” Everyone’s perception of justice will be different and shaped by individual experiences.
However, recognizing when something feels unfair can be a useful tool for identifying and understanding our values, including what matters to us, what we think is important in life, and how best to combat the injustice that occurs.
The Nature of The Unfairness of Life
You’ve probably asked yourself at some point: Why is life so unfair? It’s a fair question, philosophers has explored since the beginning of time. There are many theories as to why life can sometimes feel like an uphill battle, from the idea that it’s all part of a karmic cycle to the notion that life’s hurdles are there to grow us as individuals.
At its core, life’s unfairness can be attributed to two things: chance and our choices. Chance or luck plays a key role in what happens in our lives; it may be as simple as winning a lottery or as complex as our parents’ decision to move away from a war-torn country.
Our choices, on the other hand, determine how we respond to circumstances that come our way. We may choose to give up or carry on, complain about what we don’t have, or find ways to work with the resources we do have.
Understanding these competing forces allows us to accept and embrace life’s challenges with grace and dignity while also recognizing our power to create positive change.
Perhaps more than anything else, life’s unfairness can lead us to a sense of deep resignation, a feeling that all of our strivings are for naught. We can go our entire lives asking why it has to be this way and never find an answer.
But instead of succumbing to this feeling of helplessness, try to look at life’s unfairness through the lens of humanity. Rather than asking how I cope, consider the strengths, skills, and experiences I’ve gained as a result of my difficult journey. Then apply them to guide and direct your efforts to address inequities in your own community or environment.
No matter what happens, it’s essential to keep believing in a better tomorrow. Accepting that life is unfair does not have to mean accepting defeat; instead, it can serve as motivation for being an advocate for fairness in your own life and community.
Find strength in yourself and your convictions so that you are not resigned but instead inspired to make the world a better place.
Read more
Common misconceptions about life’s fairness
Maybe you’ve heard people say that life isn’t fair and it’s often the most difficult circumstances that can serve as a harsh reminder of that phrase. Here are a few common misconceptions about life’s fairness:
1. Life is supposed to be easy.
It isn’t always supposed to be easy. In fact, we learn lessons and gain strength through struggle. Life is meant to challenge us, stretch us, and make us grow. This doesn’t mean it’s always easy or that things won’t seem unfair at times, but if we persevere through the storms with resilience, we will grow stronger and more capable of tackling even bigger challenges in the future.
2. It matters who you know.
At the end of the day, it doesn’t matter who you know or who your parents are. It’s all about how hard you work. You don’t need to be related to someone influential or depended on luck; it comes down to putting in the hours and not giving up when things get tough.
3. Only Money buys happiness.
This couldn’t be further from the truth: money can never buy true joy or unconditional love in your life. We should appreciate what we have instead of striving for something more materialistic. True happiness comes from within and experiencing new things, not from having more stuff around us.
Read more
Brutally Honest Reasons Why Life Feels So Unfair
Let’s be real: it’s not just in your head. Life does feel unfair sometimes—maybe a lot of the time. And when you look around, it’s hard not to feel like the universe is rigged or like you’re stuck in a game where the rules keep changing mid-play.
But here’s the thing: unfairness isn’t always about big tragedies. Sometimes it’s in the quiet, everyday moments—the job rejection after months of trying, the friend who ghosts you without explanation, the chronic stress of working twice as hard for half the recognition. And while people might say, “That’s just life,” they rarely explain why it feels this way so often.So instead of gaslighting ourselves or slapping a motivational quote over our frustration, let’s look at it.
Here are seven painfully honest, psychologically backed reasons why life can feel so unfair, especially in the modern world.
1. You’re Told to “Just Keep Going”—Even When You Can’t
Okay, so here’s the deal. Life doesn’t stop for you when you’re overwhelmed. No one hands you a break when you’re running on empty. In fact, most of the time, the world’s response to your burnout is “You’ve got this! Just keep pushing!” But sometimes, that’s the worst advice you can get.
It’s like being told to run a marathon when you haven’t even caught your breath from the first mile. We’re constantly told to hustle, grind, and keep moving forward—no matter how we feel. The message is: stop feeling sorry for yourself, suck it up, and keep going.
But here’s what no one tells you: being strong doesn’t mean never stopping. It means knowing when you need to rest. It means understanding that there’s strength in vulnerability and power in taking a step back.
This ties into the concept of toxic productivity—the idea that worth is based solely on output. Research shows that the constant push to be “productive” actually increases stress and lowers performance over time (Kabat-Zinn, 1990). And when we ignore our emotional and physical needs, we risk burnout, anxiety, and even depression.
2. Effort Doesn’t Always Equal Outcome
You give 110%. You stay up late, pour your heart into your work, push through every obstacle—and then… nothing happens. Or worse, someone else does half the work, cuts corners, and still gets ahead. Life can seem unjust when hard work doesn’t lead to the expected rewards.
We’re taught to believe in the “hard work = success” myth. But reality often doesn’t follow this simple formula. Hard work might be a necessary ingredient, but it’s rarely the only one. There are countless factors—timing, luck, connections, and even the whims of others—that determine the outcome.
Psych Insight: The “effort justification effect” (Aronson & Mills, 1959) shows that we’re wired to think that the harder we work, the greater the reward. But when effort doesn’t lead to results, it can create feelings of frustration and disillusionment.
Read more
3. We Compare Constantly—and Unfairly
You scroll through Instagram or LinkedIn and see someone your age who’s already a founder, married, fit, traveling the world, and apparently glowing 24/7. Meanwhile, you’re just trying to survive another Monday without crying in public.
This isn’t just a social media problem—it’s a brain problem. We’re wired to compare ourselves to others to figure out where we stand. And comparison isn’t weakness—it’s human. We all do it. But the modern world has supercharged it in ways our minds weren’t built for.
Now we’re comparing our early career grind to someone else’s six-figure salary. Our singlehood to someone’s engagement photos. Our reality is someone else’s filtered moment. And the results are brutal.
You don’t see their sleepless nights, their silent breakdowns, or the help they got but didn’t mention. You just see the outcome—and feel like a failure.
Social Comparison Theory (Festinger, 1954) says we define our worth by comparing ourselves to others. In a world where everyone’s life is constantly on display, that tendency gets weaponized against us.
So yeah—it feels unfair. Because you’re not actually comparing apples to apples. You’re comparing your truth to someone else’s presentation.
What can you do about it?
Start by catching yourself in the comparison trap. When you notice those thoughts creeping in—pause and reframe. Ask:
👉 “Am I seeing their whole story?”
👉 “What would I be proud of if I weren’t comparing myself right now?”
And limit your exposure to the highlight reels if you need to. Muting isn’t petty—it’s self-preservation.
You don’t need to look away from others. But you do need to look back at yourself with fairness, too.
4. Unequal Life Opportunities
Life can seem especially unfair when you consider the unequal opportunities available between social classes and those in different locations. No matter how hard you work, if you don’t have the same opportunities as others, chances are that you won’t be successful.
Education
The way you’ve been educated plays a major role in what kind of future awaits you. For example, if you come from a poorer background and don’t get the same quality of education as those from higher socioeconomic classes, your career options are automatically limited. You might not even get access to certain job openings or competitive courses due to your lack of access to proper education.
Geographic Location
Though the internet has made our world smaller, where you physically live in it still matters. Living in certain areas can determine what kind of job opportunities are available to you, or how much money you can make doing certain jobs.
Depending on where you live, there might be a lower supply and higher demand for certain jobs meaning less competition for people looking for work but that may also mean lower wages than elsewhere.
Though life can seem unfair at times, it’s important to remember that everyone has different life experiences, privileges, and obstacles they have overcome along the way, and these factors all play into what we have achieved in our lives so far. There is no right or wrong way to reach success, just hard work and perseverance.
Read more
5. Our Brains Expect the World to Be Fair
You work hard, you’re kind to people, and you follow the rules—and then life hits you with something that feels totally undeserved. Meanwhile, someone who cuts corners or mistreats others seems to float through without consequences. It feels wrong on a core level.
That deep, internal reaction isn’t just emotional—it’s biological.
Our brains are wired to believe in fairness. From a young age, we expect that good actions lead to good outcomes and bad actions lead to punishment. It’s how we make sense of the world. So when reality doesn’t match up, it creates a jarring emotional dissonance. This is called the Just-World Hypothesis, a concept introduced by social psychologist Melvin Lerner in the 1960s. Our brain attempts to believe in a predictable, moral universe. We want to think people get what they deserve, because it makes life feel safer and more controllable.
But here’s the harsh truth: life doesn’t operate by moral equations. Sometimes, bad things happen to good people—and good things happen to people who haven’t earned them. That’s not karma failing. That’s life being messy, complex, and full of variables we don’t see.
Keep showing up with integrity—not because the universe guarantees rewards, but because that’s who you choose to be.
6. We Can’t Control Everything—And That’s Frustrating
No matter how much we plan, prepare, or try to control the outcome, life throws curveballs. Sickness, loss, injustice—it’s all unpredictable and often feels deeply unfair. You can do everything right and still find yourself dealing with situations completely out of your hands.
There’s this underlying desire to be in control of our lives. And when something happens that we can’t control—whether it’s a health scare or a global pandemic—it shakes us to the core. We want answers, we want logic, but sometimes life just doesn’t make sense. This taps into locus of control theory (Rotter, 1966), which explains that people either have an internal locus of control (believing they can control their destiny) or an external locus of control (believing events are beyond their control). When something happens that feels out of our control, it can create deep frustration.
Read more
Focus on what you can control. While you can’t always change the circumstances, you can control your response to them. This mindset shift is key to navigating life’s unfairness with resilience and grace.
7. We Are Victims of Our Own Circumstances
Sometimes, life feels unfair because we are victims of our circumstances. When the cards are dealt, it may seem like some people have been dealt better hands than others. Some people may indeed be born into wealth and privilege, while others may come from poverty and inequality. But that doesn’t mean you’re stuck in your circumstances forever.
You can make the best of what you have, no matter where you come from or what resources you have to draw upon. Here is a list of ways in which you can create a brighter future for yourself regardless of your current situation:
- Develop strong relationships with those around you.
- Take the initiative to improve your skill set.
- Make use of any resources available to you
- Embrace challenges as learning opportunities.
- Set short-term and long-term goals.
- Find mentors who can guide and advise you.
- Surround yourself with positive, like-minded people.
- Take time to think, plan, and reflect on your progress.
- Persevere through adversity, and never give up hope.
Read more
6. Society’s Definition of Success Can Be Unfair
It can feel like life is unfair when trying to determine what is considered ‘successful’ in society. We’re all so different and each of us is unique in our own way yet the same old rules seem to apply no matter what.
When it comes to measuring success, society tends to focus on traditional markers like education, financial status, job titles, and material possessions. And while these are important, they don’t always reflect the achievements you’re proudest of or the true value of your unique set of skills.
That’s not fair. Your definition of success should be personal; it’s how you define accomplishment on your own terms. Don’t let someone else decide what success looks like for you because everybody’s path looks different, and everyone takes a different route before reaching the version of success that works for them.
It can be hard to stick up for yourself sometimes and believe in yourself. But remind yourself that the world has no idea what you’re capable of until you show them. Ultimately, it’s up to you to craft your goals and work toward a purpose that makes sense for you, not anyone else.
8. Unfair Expectations Based on Gender and Race
Have you ever felt like you’re being judged or even held to different standards, simply because of your gender or race? It’s no secret that society still hasn’t completely transcended traditional ideas about gender and race, and sometimes this leads to unfair expectations from friends, family, school, the workplace, and more.
Here are some examples of how these expectations can be unfair:
Family Pressure
When it comes to family, it’s common for certain expectations to be placed on particular genders or racial identities. For example, a single mother might put a lot more pressure on her son to succeed than her daughter, in order to “make up” for the absence of a male role model in the home.
Appearance Standards
There is also a lot of pressure placed on people to subscribe and conform to societal beauty standards, including hair length, skin tone, and clothing choice, which can be based on gender or race. This is especially true in the media and fashion industries.
Implications for Employment Opportunities
Race-based discrimination can still exist within hiring practices at workplaces, from job interviews right through to promotions, where certain stereotypes about specific ethnic minorities may cause them to be overlooked for roles that they are qualified for but that someone else may be deemed more suitable for.
It’s not easy living with fair expectations that feel unfair, but being aware of the problem is an important first step towards creating change.
I used to struggle with my mind for a long time, wondering why this happened to me even though I did my best. After a long period of sitting in a corner, thinking about the unfairness of life and why I deserved it when I hadn’t done anything wrong, here are some ways I’ve learned to cope with the majority of my unfair situations:
8. Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone.
Life isn’t supposed to be fair or equal for everyone. Some people are born into wealth and privilege, while others face immense hardships from day one. As much as we wish it weren’t so, the truth is that life’s injustices are unavoidable.
We all have moments when the unfairness of it all hits us hard. Why do bad things happen to good people? Why do jerks seem to have all the luck? It can feel profoundly unjust.
The hard truth is that there’s no grand plan ensuring that good deeds are rewarded or that hard work always pays off. Life is simply neither fair nor unfair. While we can work to remedy injustice and inequality on a societal scale, on an individual level, the only thing we can control is our reaction. When life’s inequities threaten to get you down:
- Practice self-care. Make sure to connect with loved ones who support you.
- Focus on gratitude. Appreciate the good things you do have, rather than resenting what you lack.
- Do small acts of kindness. Helping others gets your mind off your worries and boosts your well-being.
Accept what you can’t change. As hard as it is, make peace with the fact that life isn’t meant to be fair. The only thing you can control is your response.
Though the world may not always be just, we can find meaning even in suffering. We can choose compassion over bitterness and kindness over resentment. Life may not be fair, but we can still make the world a little bit better. That is within our power.
Read more
9. Luck Plays a Bigger Role Than We Like to Admit
As much as we’d like to believe that hard work and perseverance always pay off, the truth is that luck and randomness play a huge role in how things turn out.
Take getting into college, for example. No matter how good your grades are or how high you score on the SAT, there’s an element of chance regarding who gets accepted and who gets rejected. Admissions officers have to make judgment calls, and they don’t always get it right. Sometimes less deserving students get in while more deserving ones don’t. It’s not fair, but it’s life.
The same is true in careers and business. Two equally smart, hardworking entrepreneurs could start companies at the same time but end up with vastly different outcomes based primarily on luck. One might happen to launch a product that taps into the cultural zeitgeist and spreads like wildfire, while the other’s offering fails to gain traction through no fault of their own.
Romantic relationships are also subject to a fair amount of randomness. Meeting the right person often comes down to fortunate timing and stumbling into a serendipitous encounter. While there are things we can do to increase the probability of finding a good match, ultimately finding “the one” requires a bit of luck.
We love stories about self-made success. The grind. The hustle. The “I started with nothing and built an empire” narrative. But here’s what those stories often skip: luck. Timing. Connections. Privilege. Random chance.
Two people can do the exact same thing—same work ethic, same sacrifices—but end up with wildly different results. Why? Sometimes it’s just… luck. And that’s a hard pill to swallow.
We want to believe the world is merit-based. That if we try hard enough, we’ll win. But life doesn’t always reward effort—it rewards outcomes, and many of those outcomes depend on things completely outside your control. Psychologists call this the “illusion of control”—the belief that we have more influence over outcomes than we actually do (Langer, 1975). It’s comforting to think we’re fully in charge of our destinies. But when reality doesn’t cooperate, we feel betrayed, frustrated, even ashamed.!
Read more
Recognizing luck doesn’t mean giving up or admitting defeat. In fact, it’s the opposite. It’s an acknowledgment of the unpredictable nature of life—and it allows you to take back control over the things that actually are in your hands.
What can you do about it? Acknowledge luck’s role without letting it paralyze you. Focus on playing your hand well, even if it’s not the best one at the table. And when you do succeed? Stay humble. Recognize the unseen variables that helped you—and extend that grace to others who are still trying.
10. Cognitive biases lead us to see injustice where it may not exist.
We all have a tendency to perceive injustice and unfairness in the world around us, even when they do not exist. Our cognitive biases—the mental shortcuts our brains take to make quick judgments—often lead us to see unfairness where there is none.
Confirmation bias
We seek out and believe information that confirms what we already think and ignore information that contradicts our preexisting beliefs. So if we expect the world to be unfair, we’ll notice and focus on examples that prove that belief while dismissing instances that suggest otherwise.
Illusory correlation
We tend to perceive a relationship between two events when there is none. For example, we may think people of a certain ethnicity get promoted more often because of their character flaws, when in reality there is no connection. Our mind is creating an illusory correlation.
Fundamental attribution error
We blame individuals for their circumstances rather than considering external factors. When we see someone in an unfortunate situation, we assume it’s due to their own poor choices or character flaws. We fail to account for factors outside of their control, like their environment, upbringing, education, and opportunities (or lack thereof). This bias leads us to believe that life’s injustices are deserved or self-inflicted, rather than a result of an unfair system or random chance.
Moral luck
We judge people for things outside of their control, like natural talents, family wealth, health issues, or other life circumstances. But no one chooses the conditions into which they are born or the random events that shape their lives. Recognizing this “moral luck” can help us develop more empathy and see that perceived injustices are often due to arbitrary factors, not life.
The truth is, life isn’t always fair. But by being aware of our cognitive biases, we can gain a more balanced perspective and work to build a society with greater justice and equality of opportunity. Recognizing moral luck and arbitrary chance can help foster more empathy, compassion, and kindness toward others.
Read more
11. Early childhood experiences shape our sense of fairness.
Our sense of fairness is shaped from an early age. As children, we observe the world around us and internalize beliefs about justice and equality based on how we see others treated. Unfortunately, the lessons we learn aren’t always good ones.
Many of us grew up in environments where we witnessed inequality, prejudice, and mistreatment. We saw people denied opportunities or judged harshly due to their gender, race, orientation, religion, or social class. These early experiences taught us that the world isn’t fair and planted the seeds of cynicism.
The messages we received
As kids, well-meaning adults often tell us “life isn’t fair” to prepare us for disappointment. But hearing this repeatedly can lead us to accept unfairness and even spread it to others. We may adopt beliefs like:
- People get what they deserve.
- Might makes right. It’s a dog-eat-dog world.
These toxic messages stay with us and skew our views. Even small injustices in childhood, like perceived favoritism shown to another child, can have a lasting impact.
The scars remain.
The unfairness we observe as children leaves scars on our sense of justice that are hard to heal. As adults, we see the world through this lens of cynicism and expect the worst. When we encounter new injustices, no matter how small, old wounds are ripped open. Our reaction is disproportionate to the current situation because it taps into a well of accumulated pain.
The only way to improve our sense of fairness is through conscious effort. We must challenge old beliefs, increase our empathy, and commit to building a more just world for others. It’s a long process, but by healing ourselves, we can help make society a little fairer too.
12. Some groups face systemic injustices and discrimination.
Some groups in society face systemic discrimination and injustice. Minority groups, marginalized communities, and vulnerable populations often struggle against unfair treatment, a lack of opportunity, and unequal access to resources.
As a society, we have come a long way toward promoting equality and justice for all. But we still have a long way to go to remedy the harms of discrimination and make sure everyone has a fair chance in life, regardless of their race, gender, internal orientation, disability status, or other attributes.
Racial minorities
Racial discrimination and racial injustice are still major problems. Minority groups face higher rates of poverty, unemployment, police violence, and incarceration. They have less access to healthcare, education, and economic opportunity. Systemic racism built into our institutions and policies continues to negatively impact people of color.
Women
Women face discrimination and unequal treatment in the workplace, like unequal pay and a lack of career advancement opportunities compared to men. They experience high rates of domestic violence. In some cultures, women have little access to education, healthcare, and control over family planning. Legal rights and protections for women are still lacking in many parts of the world.
LGBTQ+ community
The LGBTQ+ community faces discrimination, stigma, and a lack of legal rights in many places. They experience high rates of harassment, violence, homelessness, and mental health issues. Same-gender marriage and adoption rights are still not recognized universally. Many face rejection from friends and family due to their internal orientation or gender identity.
People with disabilities
Those with physical, intellectual, and mental disabilities often face discrimination, lack of accommodation, and unequal access to public spaces, transportation, healthcare, education, and employment. Many live in poverty due to a lack of opportunity and difficulty finding gainful work. Legal protections against discrimination are not strongly enforced.
We all must work to remedy injustice, promote equal treatment under the law, and create a fair and just society for people from all walks of life. No one should face unfair barriers due to attributes outside of their control. Together, we can build a more equitable and inclusive world for all.
13. We’re All Dealing with Things You Don’t See
You’ve got your own challenges, and everyone else does too. But here’s the catch: you’ll rarely know what someone is quietly going through. The stranger on the bus. Your boss who seems indifferent. The friend who just “doesn’t care anymore.”
Life doesn’t announce when it’s about to slap someone in the face with a curveball. People hide their struggles for a thousand reasons—fear of judgment, wanting to appear strong, or simply not knowing how to ask for help. So when someone else is cruising through life, it might not be as smooth as it looks on the surface. This is rooted in cognitive biases, particularly the fundamental attribution error (Jones & Harris, 1967).
We tend to blame others’ actions on their personality traits rather than considering external factors. It’s easy to assume someone’s success comes from their abilities, or that their hardships are their own fault, but often, there are unseen forces at play.
And the harsh reality is: it’s not just you facing unfair circumstances. Everyone is. You’re not alone in this, even if it sometimes feels like it.
What can you do about it? Practice empathy by assuming that everyone is carrying something heavy—even if they don’t show it. Don’t make assumptions based on appearances. Instead of judging someone’s situation, ask how they’re really doing—and recognize that we’re all facing challenges you might never fully understand.
14. The World Doesn’t Care About Your Timeline
We all have a timeline in our heads. By 25, you should have your career figured out. By 30, you should own a house, have a partner, maybe even kids. By 35, you should be secure, content, and “arrived.” But reality doesn’t care about your to-do list or when you think your life is supposed to happen.
You can plan every step, make every right choice—and then life still throws a curveball that forces you off track. And it’s hard not to feel like time is running out when you see people your age crossing off major milestones.
It doesn’t help that we live in a world obsessed with timelines and metrics. Your age is often tied to expectations—success, wealth, marriage, everything. But in truth, success has no universal deadline. Life doesn’t fit into the boxes we think it should.
This is tied to the “planning fallacy” (Buehler, Griffin, & Ross, 1994), which is our tendency to underestimate how long tasks will take, how many setbacks will occur, or how unpredictable life is. We plan as if everything will go smoothly—but when it doesn’t, we’re left feeling defeated.
15. You’re Expected to Be Everything to Everyone
In the modern world, there’s this unspoken pressure to perform in every area of your life. You have to be a great friend, an ambitious worker, an active family member, and an Instagram-worthy individual. Society expects you to be effortlessly balance all your roles at once. And if you’re struggling, well, it’s seen as a personal flaw.
When you’re constantly trying to meet everyone else’s expectations—whether it’s your boss, your family, your friends, or society—you end up sacrificing pieces of yourself. And no matter how hard you try, someone’s always disappointed, someone’s always questioning your priorities, and you feel like you’re constantly falling short.
The real kicker is that no one teaches you how to say “no.” From a young age, we’re told to be “nice” and “helpful” and to “do it all” without considering the emotional and mental toll it takes. Eventually, the weight of those expectations becomes suffocating. This pressure is rooted in role conflict and role strain theories in sociology (Goode, 1960). When multiple roles demand conflicting actions or when the pressure to perform in one role undermines another role, it creates stress and burnout. We often feel torn between being the person everyone needs us to be and the person we want to be.
So… Is Life Designed to Be This Way?
Let’s get real for a second. Is life designed to be unfair? Or is it just… chaos?
The truth is, life isn’t broken. It’s messy. It’s unpredictable. There’s no grand master plan, no universal scoreboard that tracks who’s winning or losing. Life unfolds like a wild ride—often with more twists and turns than we’d ever expect. We’re all just trying to find our way through it, and sometimes it feels like you’ve got no map, no compass, and definitely no clear destination.
But here’s the kicker: that randomness is exactly what makes life so complex, interesting, and even beautiful.
Look at nature. Some seeds sprout and grow into massive trees, while others never see the light of day. There’s no judgment, no morality to it—it just happens. Some things grow, others don’t. It’s not fair, but it’s real. And it’s a reminder that life doesn’t operate on a set of rules that guarantee fairness.
Modern truth bomb: “Life isn’t fair. It’s wild. But that doesn’t mean it’s meaningless.”
Sometimes, it feels like we’re playing a game with no rules—like someone forgot to tell us that the cards are stacked against us. But maybe that’s the point. Life doesn’t come with guarantees, and it certainly doesn’t hand out equal chances. But that doesn’t mean we can’t still make something of it. It doesn’t mean our lives have no value or purpose.
Personal Touch: I’ve often felt like I was falling behind, watching others “get ahead” while I stayed stuck. And honestly, it sucked. But over time, I realized that the only way to move forward was to stop waiting for the game to get fair and start playing the hand I was dealt. Life doesn’t promise fairness, but it does offer endless possibilities for growth, learning, and—maybe even—joy. It’s a chaotic ride, but it’s our ride. And it’s up to us how we navigate it.
How to Stay Sane (and Strong) in an Unfair World
It doesn’t seem fair that some people get to experience privilege and affluence and others don’t, does it? You may feel powerless to make a change in the world, but your life is still within your control. Here’s how you can start taking ownership of your own path:
1. Recognize and Accept Unfairness
No one likes to think about it, but unfairness is an unavoidable truth in life. No matter how hard you try or how much you think you deserve something, unfair things happen. Recognizing and accepting this can be difficult, but it’s key to gaining the strength to keep going when times are tough.
So, how do you recognize and accept the unfairness of life? Start by understanding that life is not fair for everyone not for you, and not for anybody else either. Treating yourself with compassion during hard times will help to remind you that everyone experiences their share of misfortune from time to time.
Often, unfairness can be seen as a test of emotional resilience; it’s a reminder to stay strong and not give up in the face of struggle or disappointment. It also helps to look at how far you’ve come: learn from your past experiences so that they don’t become roadblocks as you move forward in your journey.
By acknowledging the nature of life’s inherent unfairness and recognizing its purpose, you can find inner strength when faced with an unjust reality.
2. Learn to Cultivate Gratitude and Perspective.
It may seem like life is simply unfair to you right now, but the feeling of helplessness is only natural. The best thing to do is to stop worrying so much and focus your energy on cultivating gratitude and perspective in your life.
Gratitude
When things don’t go your way, take a moment to look around and appreciate the good things in your life. Making a list of all the people, places, and moments that have brought you joy can be a powerful tool for reflection and refocusing on what makes life worth living.
It’s also a great reminder that even when times feel hard, they could always be worse. So, take advantage of these moments to practice gratitude and kindness.
Perspective
Life has its ups and downs, but if you take the time to look back throughout your life, is it really that different than it was before? As you evaluate difficult situations, remember that it’s not just about what happened today, yesterday, or last week. It’s also about how you got here.
How did this decision lead up to this moment? You can learn so much by trying to understand how events unfolded to help make better decisions down the line.
Learning how to cultivate gratitude and perspective is two invaluable tools for dealing with unfair times in life. Not only will they help you move past unfortunate events more easily, but they will also serve as reminders of the more beautiful aspects of life as well as give you an opportunity for growth through reflection and insight.
3. Become more aware of your thoughts and feelings
There are many ways to cope with the unfairness of life. The first step is awareness, so you can start making changes in your life. When we’re stressed, it can be difficult for us to see that we’re feeling upset or angry about something. We need to know how we feel so that we can acknowledge what’s troubling us and take steps toward changing it, if necessary.
Life is what you make of it. The world, as we know it, is a reflection of our thoughts and feelings, our desires and fears. To this day, the majority of people believe that life has been unfair to them and that they were born into unjust circumstances.
I would like to challenge this assumption by explaining how you can change your response to what happens in your life, instead of waiting for life to give back all its natural blessings without asking for anything in return.
If you want something bad enough, then nothing will stop you from getting it, even if there are obstacles standing in your way.
We are all born with different abilities and talents, some with a silver spoon in their mouths and others with a golden one. Some people have to work hard for what they want, while others do not.
Some may have been lucky enough to be born into wealthy families who can afford to give them everything they need, but this doesn’t mean that you won’t have struggles of your own if you don’t get what everyone else gets on your birth certificate.
It’s easy to think that life isn’t fair because we’ve all experienced hardships or problems at some point in our lives, but remember: This doesn’t mean there isn’t hope for change.
You Can’t Change What Happens to You
When your best friend moves away, gets fired, or breaks up with their boyfriend or girlfriend and leaves town for good when these things happen, they’re just the way they are.
You can’t do anything about them other than respond appropriately in response to them and then go on with life as if nothing happened. They are part of who we are as humans; our lives are made up of who we have been and what has happened to us throughout our lives (both positive and negative).
You won’t change this fact about yourself by changing your circumstances; there isn’t any magic wand that will allow you access to another dimension where everything goes according to plan for everyone who lives there.
You Can Change Your Response
We all have a choice when we’re faced with situations like this. We can choose to be happy or sad. If you feel sad, think about what you can change about your response:
- Change your perspective. Think about how the situation makes sense from an outside perspective, rather than from the perspective of someone who has been through it before and knows what’s coming next (e.g., “This is just one more thing out of our hands.”)
- Focus on what matters most in life instead of focusing on things that don’t matter at all (like dwelling in the past).
Read more
4. Learn to Focus on What Makes You Happy, Instead of What Doesn’t.
“Focus on what makes you happy, and do what gives meaning to your life”
Barry Schwartz, The Paradox of Choice: Why More Is Less
It’s easy to focus on the negative and dwell on everything that’s going wrong. But if you’re trying to find happiness, it’s important to look at the positive things in life as well.
When I was younger, I was always too preoccupied with what I didn’t have instead of focusing on all the things that I could control, which usually led me right back down into a pit of depression.
But now that I’ve learned how valuable it is for me (and others) to take time out each day just thinking about those things that make us smile or laugh out loud.
5. Be kind and be grateful for what you have
The world is full of people who have it worse than you do, so it’s easy to take things for granted and feel like your life is unfair. But if you’re always thankful for all the good things in your life, then this will help remind you that there are some people out there who have even less than what they deserve.
If you can’t do this, then try to see the positive side of things, or at least try not to focus on all the bad things that happen in life and only think about how lucky we are if we get through them alive, or just be able to wake up tomorrow morning without being paralyzed by fear from what could happen next time around.
Take time out for yourself: If there isn’t anything else going on during the day (and this includes family members),
*Try taking a break from work or school by spending an hour doing something relaxing, such as reading a book or listening to music.
* Talk about it: Talking about how you feel with someone who cares about you will help relieve some stressors in your life.
*Engage in a hobby or practice mindfulness.
* Get enough sleep at night before going to work each morning so that when daylight comes around again after midnight then there won’t be any need whatsoever.”
*Be kinder towards yourself by recognizing your strengths and weaknesses, rather than focusing on all the things that could go wrong if something bad happened (like losing an important job). It may sound silly, but sometimes asking someone else how they would handle an issue can help us get over ourselves enough so we can move forward with confidence instead of being stuck in fear mode all day long.
6. Find the Strength to Move Forward
It’s okay to feel sad, angry and frustrated when life feels unfair. After all, what other emotions should you be feeling in these trying times? It’s natural to have a range of emotions just don’t let them consume you.
What do you do when life doesn’t go the way you expected? How do you find the strength to move forward even though it feels like your world has been shattered?
1. Acknowledge Your Emotions
It’s important to acknowledge and accept that life is unfair sometimes. We can try our best to control what happens around us, but at the end of the day, we’re not always in control. Accepting that will help ease your mind and free up inner strength for moving on.
2. Surround Yourself with Support
Having a strong support system help you process your emotions and provide comfort during difficult times. Being surrounded by family or friends who understand your situation can be incredibly beneficial in helping you cope with an injustice or unfairness that’s beyond your control.
3. Believe in Something Bigger
If you believe in something bigger than yourself, like a spiritual practice, religion, or force of nature, finding strength during tough times can be easier knowing that everything happens for a reason. Whether it’s fate, destiny, or luck, believing something greater is controlling your world can make unfairness seem more manageable.
4. Look for role models.
Find people who have faced or are facing similar struggles and see how they tackled them. Their stories of resilience might just be what helps you take control of your own path and find hope in an unjust world.
5. Practice self-care and self-compassion.
Take time to nurture yourself and practice self-love so that you can be in a better state of mind to tackle any obstacles that come your way.
6. Know that it isn’t your fault.
You may feel like you’ve been dealt a bad hand in life, but don’t blame yourself a lot of the time, we simply don’t have control over our circumstances.
7. Find Your Power.
In order to take control of your own path, you first need to find your power. This power can come from within, through self-esteem and self-confidence, or it can be found in those around you—family, friends, and other support systems. Once you have identified your source of power, use it to guide you towards the knowledge and skills that will help you flourish in challenging times.
Read more
8. Find The Meaning and Purpose in Your Life
It’s natural to feel like everything is outside of your control when life throws challenges your way. But believe it or not, you can still take back some level of control. Start by asking yourself what meaning and purpose you want your life to have.
Think of this exercise like mapping a path, but instead of a physical one, it’s a mental pathway, leading towards the goals and purpose you want to find in life. It’s up to you and only you to establish what it is you want out of life and take the steps necessary to make it happen.
What kind of legacy do you want to leave behind? What causes do you stand for? These are just some of the questions that will help define your life’s purpose. Consider who has inspired you throughout your journey and how their story has shaped or motivated yours. Who are the people or things that bring positivity into your life?
After identifying goals for yourself, create action plans for turning them into reality. Consider what resources are at your disposal. Think about the skills that come naturally to you and how they can help bring those ideas from conception to implementation.
Life can be harsh, unpredictable, and sometimes downright cruel at times, but it doesn’t have to end there. By taking the time to focus on what truly matters in life and what drives us forward in our lives, we can start reclaiming some control and establishing a higher level of contentment.
Finding Purpose and Meaning in Life Despite Its Unfairness
Life is not always fair, but this doesn’t mean that it is devoid of any purpose or meaning. As hard as it may seem, finding purpose and meaning in life despite its unfairness is a key step to understanding and accepting the unfairness of life.
Firstly, it’s important to remember that life is about perspective. Everyone experiences different things in life, so the way you view life’s unfairness will depend on your own unique experience. You can find ways to make sense of the situations that feel unfair by taking a step back and reframing them in terms of what you can learn from them and where they may be leading you.
Secondly, it is essential to focus on what makes life meaningful to you finding things that give you joy and bring out the best in yourself will help provide perspective during tough times. This could involve getting involved in something that helps society, developing your creativity, or engaging with your community.
Finally, it is important to remember that there are some things in life we cannot control; however, challenging yourself to change what you do have control over will help you find strength during times when things seem unfair. This could involve taking an active role in seeking out helpful insights or changing your expectations or beliefs about yourself and the world around you.
Read more
How to Find Balance Between Accepting Fate And Taking Control of Our Lives
Fate is the idea that our future is fixed, predetermined, or preordained by some outside influence. It’s the belief that some higher power has arranged everything for us and our actions don’t really make a difference. On the other hand, taking control implies that you are in charge of your destiny and have the power to make decisions to shape your own future.
At first glance, it may seem like accepting fate and taking control of our lives are opposites. After all, one involves trusting that whatever happens is meant to be, while the other requires us to take on the responsibility of creating our own destiny.
But the truth is that they are deeply connected. When we accept the things we have no control over the events, people, and situations in our lives that can’t be changed we actually create space in our minds and hearts to focus more on the things we can control. Instead of worrying about something outside of our power, we can shift our energy towards productive goals and actions.
Once we understand this connection, it becomes much easier to find a balance between these two forces in life: accepting what’s out of our hands and taking action on what’s within it. Knowing when to embrace fate and when to take charge will lead us closer to achieving a fulfilling life.
It can be hard to find the balance between accepting fate and taking control of our lives, but it doesn’t have to be impossible. Here are a few tips for how you can do it:
It involves doing the things that matter most to us and focusing on our goals and dreams. Making conscious decisions about our lives, instead of simply allowing life to control us, is a way to take control of our own destiny.
For example, if you want to become a doctor, create a plan that outlines how you will make that happen What courses do you need to take? What will your timeline look like? How will you pay for your education? These are just some examples of how you can start taking control of your life while still accepting that there may be bumps in the road along the way.
Who Said Life Had to Be Always Fair? No one.
If you have ever opened up the newspaper or your Facebook feed, you know this to be true. The world is full of people who are suffering in one way or another. People suffer from a disease, poverty, oppression, or the way they were born (even the appearance and more about themselves).
Life is a bit unfair. And you’re not the only one who feels this way. There are many people out there who are also living their lives in a world that seems unfair, but what can we do about it? Firstly, know that your situation is unique to you and no one else. It may seem like everyone else has it worse than you, but they don’t; they just have different circumstances that affect them differently from yours.
Second of all, although some things will be harder for you than others (and those things will probably happen sooner or later), there’s always hope for change. Things always get better as time goes on, if it doesn’t sound like it right now.
Maybe it won’t be so bad tomorrow… or next year… or even ten years from now, when we’re all old ladies sitting in our rocking chairs, reminiscing about how much fun we used to have together when life was simpler.
So, it is better to wake up our minds to see the truth/ the reality of life.
Sometimes you are the one who has more advantages than someone else, and it seems unfair that people judge your success as your own doing and their failure as a result of their own shortcomings.
We all have different circumstances. Some people are born into more fortunate situations than others, and some are in less fortunate situations, but we all have to deal with what we’re dealt with in life. We don’t make our own luck or misfortune; it’s just part of being human.
Remember not only you, many people struggle with the question of why life is so unfair. They may feel that they have been dealt a bad hand, that they face more challenges than others, or that they are victims of fate or circumstance. But is life really unfair, or is it just our perception of it?
One way to approach this question is to consider the concept of fairness itself. What does it mean for something to be fair? How do we measure fairness? Who decides what is fair and what is not? These are not easy questions to answer, and different people may have different opinions and values. Another way to approach this question is to recognize that life is not a single entity but a complex and dynamic system of interconnected events, choices, and consequences.
Life is not something that happens to us, but something that we participate in and influence. We cannot control everything that happens in life, but we can control how we respond to it. We can choose to see life as a series of opportunities and challenges rather than as a series of obstacles and injustices.
Life is not fair or unfair; it is what we make of it. We can choose to focus on the positive aspects of life, such as our strengths, our passions, our relationships, and our goals. We can also choose to learn from the negative aspects of life, such as our mistakes, our failures, our setbacks, and our losses. We can use these experiences as sources of growth, resilience, and wisdom.
Life is not a competition or a comparison; it is a journey and a discovery. We can choose to appreciate the diversity and uniqueness of life rather than judge or envy others. We can also choose to celebrate our own achievements and contributions, rather than diminish or undermine them. We can use these moments as sources of joy, gratitude, and fulfillment.
We must live with the fact that life will not always be fair, no matter how hard we try. There are many people out there who have it worse than you do. This is just a fact of life that we must accept as we grow older and face the challenges and struggles of adulthood.
Final Thoughts: Life Isn’t Always Fair—But It’s Still Yours
If you’ve ever looked around and thought, “This isn’t how things are supposed to go,” you’re not alone. We’ve all been there—in the gut-punch moments, in the quiet disappointments, in the times when the world just didn’t make sense. It’s easy to believe the unfairness means something’s wrong with you—but it doesn’t. It just means you’re human, living in an unpredictable world.
Fairness isn’t a guarantee. It’s a bonus when it shows up. And while you can’t always control what happens to you, you do have power over what you carry forward, what you let go, and how you choose to keep showing up—even if no one claps, even if no one notices.
So, no—life isn’t fair. BUT it’s not always either.
It’s still full of moments that matter.
It’s still yours to shape, to question, to live deeply.
And sometimes, in the middle of the chaos, that’s more than enough.
References
- Life is NOT FAIR. It NEVER Will Be. It’s OK.– YouTube video
- 7 reasons why life isn’t fair and how to be better at accepting it.
- ABOUT NEW YORK: Life Is Unfair, but Not Always Tragic – New York Times Magazine
- The Paradox of Choice – Book by Barry Schwartz
Let’s boost your self-growth with Believe in Mind.
Interested in self-reflection tips, learning hacks, and knowing ways to calm down your mind? We offer you the best content which you have been looking for.
Most of what you write is wrong. Life is unfair. That’s the first one. Although when taken as a simplification, you can let that one pass. As I don’t want to write a long clarification, I’ll keep it very concise by only writing the broad concept. Life is what happens and that can never be fair or unfair. It happens. Only when you define life as concept as the results of people’s actions, then certainly and without a doubt, life is unfair. Because people are incredibly unfair. And they are because it benefits themselves. When a situation presents itself where someone will benefit from being fair, then they will be fair. Will you then say that life is fair? Of course not. Life is perceived as unfair because the overwhelming majority of human interaction is so that someone will benefit by treating another person unfairly. It is rare that one will benefit by treating others fairly. So, no, life is not unfair or fair for that matter, it’s just life. It happens. It’s people who are overwhelmingly unfair ( and it’s not 60-40 or even 80-20, its 99,9-0.1) .
“Thank you for sharing your thoughts. I appreciate your perspective on life and fairness. While it’s true that life can be unpredictable and people can be unfair, I believe that we can still strive to make the world a better place by treating others with kindness and respect. It’s important to remember that our actions have consequences and can impact others in ways we may not realize. That’s how our lives become unfair.
This post really resonated with me! It’s so true how unfairness seems to lurk around every corner, and it’s refreshing to see these injustices highlighted. I particularly appreciated the point about systemic inequalities; it’s easy to feel alone in our struggles when it seems like the odds are stacked against us. Thank you for shedding light on these important issues!
This was an eye-opening read! It’s incredible how many layers of injustice exist in our everyday lives. I especially resonated with the examples you provided about systemic inequalities. It’s frustrating, yet important to acknowledge these issues. Thank you for shedding light on such a crucial topic!
You’re welcome. And also, glad to hear it helped you.